novelraw Chapter 46: Trusting His Judgment
Chapter 46: Trusting His Judgment
Qian fainted.
This is a sign of worsening OCD. Yu Minglang immediately drove to take her to the hospital, but in less than three minutes, Qian woke up.
"Don’t go to the hospital... take me somewhere, I need to wash my hands."
Her physical functions were fine, it was a mental illness.
"No, you must get checked!"
"I know my own condition, find a water source, quick!" The feeling of distress was beyond words.
Yu Minglang dared not hesitate. There happened to be a 24-hour congee shop by the roadside, and he took her inside. Qian dashed to the bathroom with Yu Minglang following, watching her keep the faucet running, washing her hands repeatedly.
Washing her hands while crying, more severe than the time she fed the cats.
The waiter approached, noticing the excessive water use and wanting to intervene. Yu Minglang pulled out a hundred yuan from his pocket and handed it to the waiter, gesturing for him to leave.
Though not trained as a psychologist, at that moment, Yu Minglang instinctively made the right decision.
When OCD acts up, family members shouldn’t intervene or pressure the patient; simply stay quietly, gently by their side.
At this moment, Qian didn’t even know what she was doing. Her tears and thoughts all focused on past moments with her daughter.
She wasn’t even aware she was crying, but guessed she must look terrible now. Having treated many OCD patients, she knew how distorted one can be during an episode.
Yet Qian wasn’t aware of how her vulnerability appeared to Yu Minglang, like a feeling of ripping a scar in the heart.
Why was she crying so brokenly? Why did her behavior diverge from her consciousness? Why was she so helpless? What had she encountered?
Yu Minglang trusted his judgment of Qian. This girl possessed robust psychological resilience; the things she handled—exposing the mistress, punishing the arsonist, confronting her uncle without losing ground—nothing could scare her.
But somehow, something said had deeply saddened her, no, her current state was beyond sadness, she was like someone trapped, unable to break free.
Wanting to give her some strength, to help her through this difficult time, yet Yu Minglang didn’t know how to help, where to start.
Now, Qian was immersed in an abyss that no one but she could reach.
Finally, Qian had washed enough, her hands all wrinkled. When she looked up again, the vulnerability in her eyes was gone, replaced by a cold indifference.
"Let’s go." She didn’t look at Yu Minglang, merely walked straight outside.
Yu Minglang followed, and the two walked silently.
Finally, Qian spoke, "Did I scare you?"
"No, I’m just a bit worried." Not just a bit, very, very worried.
"As you saw, I am an OCD patient, though not a psychiatric case, if it continues like this, I’m close. I can’t control myself wanting to wash my hands, you know what kind of person I am now, it’s best to stay away from me in the future."
"OCD?" Yu Minglang hadn’t encountered this term before, but he disliked Qian referring to herself as mentally ill in that tone.
"OCD is a form of neurosis, manifesting as compulsive actions and thoughts. My progression may lead to compulsive obsession, resulting in escalation. Yu Minglang, I’m beyond help, don’t you see?"
"There must be a way to help you, trust me." Yu Minglang quickly filtered through methods in his mind; since he witnessed it, he couldn’t let this girl continue like this.
"Trust you? I can’t even fully trust myself." Qian sneered, her disappointment in the world complete.
Yu Minglang didn’t speak further; Qian closed her eyes. Isn’t this result just fine? Her earlier behavior surely startled him; there’d be no more entanglement between them; he knows she’s ill, will keep his distance.
Having exposed her wounds, showing him her most disgraceful side was the best way to sever ties. Her plans for life shouldn’t include him, yet why does achieving the goal make the heart hurt even more?
The car drove to Qian’s apartment building, she wanted to get out, but Yu Minglang didn’t unlock the door.
"Chen Xiaoqian."
"What do you want to say?"
"Accepting someone, trusting a person’s promise isn’t just empty words. I dislike saying many useless things, but I want to tell you, I will make you believe in me, I will definitely heal you."
These were the answers Yu Minglang conceived along the way.
Qian looked straight at him, unable to believe what she heard.
"Are you blind? Didn’t you see what state I was just in?" A normal person would’ve run away!
"I have excellent eyesight, I trust my intuition."
"You’re nearsighted!"
"Indeed, I’m mildly nearsighted, but while microscopes show things clearly, they lack intuitive judgment. You must believe me, believe my sixth sense. You are truly a good girl, stop calling yourself bad, no more self-harm, otherwise I will—"
Be heartbroken.
He didn’t voice it; Qian half understood, yet dared not fully understand.
"I will find a way for your condition; you also need confidence in treatment. When I can’t always be beside you, remember that someone still cares about you; you are not alone. You can’t recklessly harm yourself."
As Qian held back her tears looking at Yu Minglang, what he wanted most was to wipe away her tears.
But he couldn’t do that; too presumptuous.
"Chen Xiaoqian, promise me, don’t continue hurting yourself. If you encounter problems, come to me anytime. No matter what happens, I will solve it for you. Don’t act rashly, don’t self-harm. To me, you’re the best girl."
"But, I’ve done many wrong things, many of which are irreparable!" For instance, she raised her daughter to death!
That was the girl he longed for, eagerly anticipated! Yet she caused the death of her child; knowing later, would Yu Minglang still treat her this way?
"I once faced many desperadoes at my old job; truthfully, most aren’t born bad, fate just pushes them to that point. As an enforcer, society’s last barrier, I can’t afford excess sympathy. But I always believe, if given another choice, no one would choose wrong. So at my old job, unless crucial, I’d never fire shots. You’ve not reached that step, I believe in you, you know what you’re doing."
"If I choose wrongly again, would you think you misjudged me?"
"No, I’ve never misjudged anything. In your heart is the kindest girl. Until now, no one could guard your kind child, letting her get hurt and cry. But from now, I want to help you protect her."
Devastating blow, truly a devastating blow.