novelraw Chapter 199: Obedience Is Not a Virtue
Chapter 199: Obedience Is Not a Virtue
"Nowadays, families usually have only one child, at most two, so it’s not that obvious. But if we look back to the earlier years when a family had several children, this situation was very common. In a family with two children, one being particularly obedient and the other particularly unruly, it was usually the obedient one that faced major issues upon growing up."
Mrs. Yu’s expression hardened, "Qian, what exactly do you mean by this?"
"Obedient children often have more psychological issues; this is a common phenomenon in psychology. At the core of human nature, there is something called the ’instinctual core,’ which makes us desire to become independent individuals and be in control of ourselves. But when a child grows up wanting to be an obedient ’good child,’ this instinct is suppressed. When they should develop independent thinking, they’ll experience conflict with their injured instinctual core."
"Suppressed..." Mrs. Yu began to cry.
She truly hadn’t realized that her obedient second son had been suppressing himself all along.
Qian pretended not to notice her crying and continued speaking.
"Look at someone like Minglang; he was a naughty child from a young age, but his instinctual core was satisfied, so he has a real sense of self and understands the meaning of life."
Thus, Yu Minglang dared to persist in choosing what he wanted; he dared to choose a woman like Qian because he understood what he truly desired.
"But the child with issues is very intelligent."
"It has nothing to do with being smart or not; it’s about instinct. Let me take a bold guess here, Auntie, you said the child with issues comes from a family with at least two or more children, and he is either in the middle or has younger siblings, right?"
"Yes, how did you know?"
"I’m currently studying this field, and it comes up in my coursework. After a second child is born, some older children become very obedient. Parents often feel proud and say the child has matured, but really, what could a few-year-old child truly understand? It’s all instinct!"
"Instinct?" Mrs. Yu recalled that when she had the third and fourth children—since they were twins—Yu Mingyi indeed put a lot of effort into helping her. It felt as if he suddenly matured. He used to be a mischievous child too. At that time, the eldest was in boarding school, and the second child would help coo the younger ones right after school.
"When there are no new additions to the family, a child might be the focus of their parents, but when a new member arrives, the parents naturally tend to care for the baby more. To gain their parents’ attention, a child might either act out or behave to earn praise."
After the two-child policy, such situations became particularly common. Some parents would proudly say how obedient their firstborn is, but without realizing, a young child puts in all his effort just to earn their parents’ praise and attention.
Helping to coo the baby would earn heaps of praise from the parents—look how well-behaved our child is.
To please their parents, some children use compliance to satisfy the elders. When labeling them as blindly loyal and filial, has anyone thought about who is responsible for all this?
"I really didn’t know these things..." Mrs. Yu turned away and wiped her tears.
She had always been proud of her obedient second son, thinking he was the one who brought her the most peace of mind, yet she didn’t realize how much she owed him.
"Telling a child too often to be an obedient good child puts shackles on their ’instinctual core’ from a very young age. From a psychological perspective, these good children have a higher chance of encountering problems in adulthood than the naughty ones."
"So what should be done now?"
"The best approach is to pay more attention to communication with the child from a young age, letting them feel their parents’ love. It’s not very effective to see a psychologist once they’re grown. Especially—some people are too smart, with strong inhibition. They’ll have a resistance to psychological treatment, and as a doctor, you should know that if there’s resistance to antibiotics, a disease can become fatal."
Qian watched Mrs. Yu’s shocked expression, feeling as though she might have been a bit cruel, but it was necessary to speak.
"Assuming the friend’s child works in a special department and has no issues passing regular psychological assessments, yet personally experiences certain discomforts, seeing a psychologist... won’t help either. It’s best to let nature take its course. In reality, there are many such cases, just that some people aren’t in key positions and don’t pose a threat."
But the second brother is different; his position is too unique, and a slight change in mindset could be dangerous. Qian looked at the people coming and going outside, noting how many people’s marriages and careers were affected by parental interference. But those people aren’t pilots, so they can go through life making do.
Mrs. Yu had never considered that her excellent second son might detest the blue sky and flying, perhaps due to unintentional influences from her and her husband during his childhood. This realization was particularly devastating for a mother who loved her child.
"How could it be like this..."
"From the parents’ point of view, it’s understandable too. Parents aren’t gods; they can’t cover everything comprehensively. As long as it’s not a matter of principle, psychological issues aren’t a big deal. Auntie, look at all the people in this world; who is perfect?"
In those times, being able to ensure the children were well-fed and clothed was already remarkable. Who had the time to think about these details?
Mrs. Yu wiped her tears, feeling genuinely sorry to her child, yet found no resolution. Should she really let her child leave the sky and live the life he desires for his well-being?
Qian determined that Yu Mingyi surely had to change jobs, that he couldn’t continue flying at the very least.
What Qian didn’t expect was that someone could help where she couldn’t with Yu Mingyi.
Mrs. Yu and Qian returned from the ice cream shop to Yu Mingyi’s house, neither of them mentioning the matter. Yu Mingyi didn’t notice his mother’s red eyes either. After sending Qian and Dong Yi home, he suddenly realized the folder he left on the coffee table was gone.
He thought it over and suddenly guessed that his mother might have taken it.
Yu Mingyi picked up the phone, intending to call his mother, but after lifting the phone, he put it down again with a calm expression.
The long-hidden secret was known by his parents now. Let it be. He guessed his father would soon confront him, and by then, he could just tear up the resignation letter according to his father’s wishes.
After all, it was expected; he just didn’t know how much longer he’d have to endure living such an unhappy life...
Mrs. Yu held her child and rushed back home. By the time they reached Q City, it was dark, and Mr. Yu was waiting for her to have dinner.
"You’re back. Hurry up and eat. Why so late today—Old lady, what happened to your eyes?"
Mrs. Yu handed Panpan to the little auntie and quietly handed Yu Mingyi’s resignation letter from her pocket to him.
Mr. Yu was confused by his wife’s serious demeanor as he took it. After reading only two lines, he angrily slapped the paper on the table.
"Nonsense! That brat is getting conceited! Training a pilot costs more than manufacturing an airplane, and he’s thinking of quitting! What a bastard! See if I don’t straighten him out!"
With that, Mr. Yu was about to storm out when Mrs. Yu suddenly burst into loud sobs.