One Piece: I Will Become a Great Writer!

Chapter 214 214: Big Mom's Eating Fit

One afternoon on a certain day.

"Hahhh... bliss... ♪"

This was Ice Island, one of the many islands within Totto Land, the home base of the Big Mom Pirates.

A certain cafe in the middle of town.

I was savoring ice cream so melt-in-your-mouth delicious that I couldn't help humming with pleasure.

Seriously, this island, or really this whole country... the food quality is just on another level.

Especially the sweets. The fact that you can eat desserts of this caliber at a perfectly ordinary shop in the middle of an ordinary town, not even a high-end place or anything... what an amazing country.

If I had to guess, getting this flavor anywhere else would mean going to a luxury shop and paying one or two extra digits in Berries.

I've been traveling around doing research for quite a while now, eating my way through all sorts of places... but honestly, this country is head and shoulders above everything else when it comes to food. Especially sweets. Every possible way you could measure it.

Delicious, surprisingly affordable for the quality, and the portions are massive... best value anywhere.

As you'd expect from the field that Boss Big Mom herself puts the most care and effort into.

The one drawback, though... as I just mentioned, this place is the Territory, or rather the home base, of the Big Mom Pirates, so it's not exactly somewhere you can just casually pop in for a bite.

I'd love to come eat here regularly, but outsiders can't really get in without some kind of business, like I have today.

Oh, I should've mentioned this earlier, but the reason I'm here today is because, as usual, I was invited to one of Big Mom's Tea Parties.

Ever since I was first invited several years ago, when I somehow managed to dodge that marriage proposal, I've been called to these Tea Parties a number of times.

The marriage topic comes up every time, but unlike the first occasion, it's not a "Marry into the family" (paraphrasing) kind of demand... more of a "Wouldn't it be lovely if that happened?" sort of hint. That's as far as it goes.

I can feel the pressure that she hasn't given up, but it doesn't feel like she's trying to corner me. ...At least, not yet.

According to Papa, on top of my background as "the daughter of Shiki the Golden Lion," combined with the name value of "Pirate Literary Master" that she'd originally been eyeing, plus the newly acquired status of Shichibukai, Big Mom is currently observing the situation and making various preparations to welcome me in a way that maximizes all of those assets.

Since she "hasn't given up," as I sensed, at some point down the line, once her preparations are complete, she'll come at me again with the "Marry into the family" (paraphrasing) approach.

And Papa, for his part, will also be preparing a counterattack by then... or so he says.

Honestly... between Papa and Big Mom, maybe it's just par for the course since they're pirates, but couldn't they just be friendly, get along, and enjoy good food together?

Steering things toward some vortex of scheming and violence isn't fun for anyone.

...Then again, if they thought like that, they'd never have become pirates in the first place.

Let me stop thinking about this. It's pointless, and it'll ruin these perfectly good sweets.

For now, let's just enjoy the delicious treats without overthinking.

That's exactly why I arrived two days before the Tea Party this time. To take advantage of my position as an invited guest and spend the waiting time island-hopping around Totto Land, eating my way through all kinds of sweets.

Of course, I'm looking forward to all the treats at the Tea Party itself, but that aside... Totto Land really is a theme park of sweets, one you could never get enough of no matter how much you indulge.

I keep thinking it, but it's such a shame I can't come and go freely. ...That said, I'm obviously not about to enter a political marriage and become part of Big Mom's family over it.

So with that in mind, I planned to keep enjoying my culinary tour for the remaining two days.

After enjoying Ice Island, I'd move on to neighboring Biscuit Island, then Candy Island, and finally the big one, The Real Deal: Cheese Island. After indulging to my heart's content, I'd head back to Whole Cake Island in time for the Tea Party. That was my planned Totto Land sightseeing itinerary.

...That was the plan, anyway...

"Emergency alert! Emergency alert!"

"The Queen is having a Temper Tantrum! She currently appears to be headed toward this island... all Islanders, please begin evacuation preparations immediately! Repeating..."

That announcement suddenly echoed through the town.

And the moment the people of Ice Island heard it, their faces went pale, and chaos spread through the streets at an alarming pace as everyone scrambled to flee.

...Wait, what was that broadcast? What is this... a "Temper Tantrum"?

...What does that even mean?

***

Big Mom, one of the Four Emperors, the Great Pirate Charlotte Linlin, suffers from a chronic condition known as an Eating Fit.

Something she wants to eat suddenly pops into her head... and she throws a tantrum, rampaging without end until she eats it.

She's barely conscious, simply destroying everything in her path, devouring as she goes. She won't stop until the food she craves enters her mouth.

This time, the request was...

"Gateau Chocolaaaat!!!"

"The Queen is currently riding Zeus-sama across the sea, heading for Ice Island! Issue an evacuation advisory to all Islanders!"

"We already did! Why is she heading for Ice Island when she wants Gateau Chocolat... if only she'd gone to Cacao Island instead..."

"It's the Eating Fit. Logic doesn't apply. But of all things, Gateau Chocolat..."

"That's a pastry that takes time to make. I checked with the kitchen, and they said they need an hour to an hour and a half."

"We can't wait that long! Leave her unchecked for an hour, and even accounting for transport time, Ice Island will be half-destroyed... worst case, it could be wiped out entirely!"

"But there's no way Mama would be satisfied with a half-baked pastry either... we have no choice but to wait-pon."

"Then wouldn't it be faster to contact Cacao Island and have them send over their existing stock of Gateau Chocolat...?"

"No good. Either way, it takes too long! Ice Island and Cacao Island are on opposite ends of the Territory... it'd actually be faster to make it here and bring it to Ice Island."

At Whole Cake Castle, in the center of Sweet City on the home base of Whole Cake Island, subordinates were in a complete frenzy trying to deal with Big Mom's tantrum.

When Big Mom went into an Eating Fit, she rampaged indiscriminately whether she was in the middle of town or anywhere else, unleashing her violence not only on Islanders and Homies but even on her own sons and daughters. Nothing anyone said could stop her. No one could stop her.

There was only one way to end it. Feed her the treat she desired.

That was why they needed to procure the Gateau Chocolat she wanted as quickly as possible, but waiting for it to be ready meant the damage would only grow.

The subordinates were tearing their hair out when, a short while later, a strange report reached them.

"Report! Mama arrived at Ice Island some ten-odd minutes ago... however... for some reason, instead of heading toward the town, she circled around the perimeter and went off in a completely different direction! At this point, the Homies that were in her path have suffered heavy casualties with numerous dead, but beyond that, there is zero damage!"

"She veered off course and didn't head to town...? That's a relief, but... why?"

"No idea, but it works in our favor. While she's taking the long way around, get that Gateau Chocolat made and delivered! Transport team, stand by!"

***

Rewinding a few minutes. In the wastelands on the outskirts of Ice Island.

I'd heard about it from Papa before.

About Big Mom's chronic condition, the Eating Fit.

Apparently she rampages endlessly until whatever she's craving enters her mouth. But since Big Mom herself possesses absurdly monstrous combat abilities, this is far beyond what you could brush off as a mere "tantrum."

I could tell that much from what I was seeing right now.

"...I mean, what even is that... Godzilla?"

Standing nearly nine meters tall and already looking like a monster to begin with, watching her advance while flattening everything in her path... it was a kaiju movie. That's all it was.

I could see her heading toward town, slaughtering the countless Homies along the way, trees and rocks and such. What a waste of all that collected lifespan...

If that reached the town... yeah, it would be exactly like the rampage scene from a kaiju film.

On top of that, the towns on this island, or rather in all of Totto Land, have buildings largely made of sweets, so... we'd be treated to the spectacular sight of her eating her way forward.

Even now:

"This ain't it! This ain't it either!!"

"Kyaaah!!"

"Help us!"

"Mama, stop, Mama! The town's that way!"

Big Mom plowed forward, devouring the candy-type Homies that lived in the forest.

Zeus, the Thundercloud Homie who appeared to be her attendant, was trying to stop her from beside her, but nothing looked like it was getting through.

At this rate, the town was seriously going to be obliterated... and that was a bit much.

Well, it wasn't like I had any obligation to protect the town; maybe I should just evacuate like everyone else... but leaving a panic that could get people killed just felt wrong.

Plus, I hadn't finished sampling all of Ice Island's cuisine yet, so that would be a waste too... Might as well do what I could.

That said, obviously, I didn't think I could just stand in Big Mom's path and stop her with raw combat power. Things weren't going to be that easy.

Even while out of her mind, her ferocity was the same as normal, if not worse, and she apparently still used her combat techniques and even Haki... it would be suicide.

So instead of the sword... I'd use the pen.

***

Thud. Thud. Big Mom walked on, her footsteps shaking the earth.

Step by step, she was steadily closing in on the town. The buildings were made of sweets, so the sweet aroma of confections wafted from that direction... and that was what was drawing Mama toward it.

Zeus, hovering beside her, desperately tried to call out, 'Mama, you can't go that way!' But she wouldn't listen, instead grabbing Zeus and hurling him at Homies and other obstacles in her path, smashing through them as she went.

Being a Thundercloud, Zeus himself took no damage, but the Homies struck by him were blasted with high-voltage lightning and wiped out without exception. A trail of devastation stretched out behind Big Mom, as if a kaiju had passed through.

At the rate she was going, she'd reach the town in less than ten minutes. But then, Big Mom suddenly stopped in her tracks.

"Hnn?! What's this here...?"

Even during an Eating Fit, Big Mom retained a small degree of awareness, and communication wasn't entirely impossible.

She just barely had enough rational thought to respond coherently.

What had appeared before Mama's eyes was... a single large sign.

On it was written:

"Gateau Chocolat, that way ->"

A simple message, with an arrow pointing off in a seemingly random direction.

Notably, the direction the arrow indicated was completely different from where the town lay.

Zeus, peeking at the sign from the side, thought, 'What on earth is this?'

Well, the intent was obvious. Presumably some townsperson or someone had set this up to try to redirect Mama. A temporary measure to divert her attention.

But something like this wouldn't stop Mama.

Zeus could already picture it: Mama smashing the sign aside with a roar of "Outta my way!!" and barreling straight ahead.

But... Zeus's prediction, for better or worse, turned out to be wrong.

Sniff, sniff. "...! Over there! Gateau Chocolaaaat!!"

"Huh?! M-Mama?!"

Incredibly, Big Mom changed direction exactly as the sign instructed, obediently charging off toward where the arrow pointed.

Zeus had no idea why she'd followed the sign so readily. But since she at least wasn't heading straight for town, he decided to count it as a win for now and followed after Mama.

***

What I did was simple.

Before coming to Ice Island, I'd actually already stopped by Cacao Island and done my sightseeing there. That island is the outermost part of Big Mom's Territory, serving as the entry point.

While there, I'd bought a huge quantity of chocolate confections as souvenirs.

Among them happened to be some Gateau Chocolat.

On top of that, I'd procured chocolate-flavored ice cream from an ice cream shop in Ice Island's town. A massive amount of it.

In short, I'd gathered a huge stockpile of chocolate sweets regardless of type. Then I stored them in Enigma to keep them from melting while I carried them around.

The ice cream shop owner had already evacuated, so I just left money on the counter and took the merchandise.

If anyone got mad about it, I'd honestly apologize later. 'Sorry for taking things without asking.'

Then I set up that sign and placed the mountain of chocolate sweets and chocolate ice cream at the spot the arrow pointed to.

That location was upwind from where the sign stood, where Big Mom would arrive, calculated so that the scent of chocolate would be carried to her on the wind.

As a result, Big Mom was drawn toward this side, where the scent was closer to the Gateau Chocolat she desired... and that was that.

Now, watching from a safe distance in a spot where I was hard to find, I confirmed that Big Mom had reached the pile of chocolate I'd set up.

With spiraling eyes, drool streaming freely, clearly not in her right mind, the monstrous-looking old woman was grabbing fistfuls of chocolate and shoveling them into her mouth.

She was downing a pretty impressive amount of ice cream in one go, too. Didn't that give her brain freeze?

Oh, she just ate the Gateau Chocolat I'd prepared, but...

"Chomp chomp... wrong, wrong!! This ain't it! This one ain't it either, or this one! Gimme Gateau Chocolaaaat!"

You literally just ate some, though...

Well, I supposed it couldn't be helped. Those were normal souvenir-sized portions I'd bought. From Big Mom's perspective, they were way too tiny to even register.

Sadly, I'd predicted this outcome. That the quantity wouldn't be enough to satisfy her, or that she might not even notice.

That was exactly why I hadn't tried to feed her directly at the sign's location, but instead lured her all the way out here to buy as much distance and time as possible.

...Though, for someone saying "this ain't it," she sure did eat every last bit.

But since she wasn't satisfied...

"It's over there after all... Zeus! Zeuuuus!"

'Ah, so it didn't work after all...'

Sure enough, she turned back the way she'd come, heading toward the town again. ...On foot.

At first she seemed to want to call Zeus, who'd been hovering around nearby, and ride him there, but... for some reason Zeus had vanished, and since he didn't come when called, she apparently got fed up and started walking on her own.

That was a relief on my end, but... where did he go?

As I learned afterward, while Big Mom was eating the chocolate, Zeus had said, "Mama, I'm gonna go have a little snack too," and wandered off to eat some thunderclouds that had formed in the area.

Prioritizing a snack of clouds over coming when called... what a glutton. Wasn't he going to get yelled at later?

Still, Big Mom pressed on toward the town under her own power, and finally made it back to where the sign had been...

"Ahh... looks like this isn't going to work after all. There's really no way to buy more time at this point, let alone stop Big Mom..."

"No... that was more than enough. Well done, Pirate Literary Master."

"!"

I'd been watching Big Mom from a distance, but suddenly I heard a voice.

Turning around, I found standing there... a man with adzuki-red hair and sharp eyes.

Charlotte Family second son, Sweet Commander Katakuri himself.

In his hands was a brown disc the size of a massive frisbee... wait, was that Gateau Chocolat?! It was huge! Absurdly huge!

I see, so that's the kind of size you needed to feed Big Mom during an Eating Fit. No wonder my regular human souvenir-sized portions weren't going to cut it.

"Your actions may have been nothing more than stalling for time, but those ten-odd minutes dramatically changed the fate of Ice Island, which was supposed to be destroyed... leave the rest to me!"

With that line straight out of a movie, Katakuri broke into a sprint.

He closed in on Big Mom from behind at tremendous speed and...

"Over here, Mama!"

"Haah?! Who's that?! Where's the Gateau Choco—"

The instant she turned around, he hurled the Gateau Chocolat frisbee with the force of a Destructo Disc, launching it straight into Big Mom's mouth. A perfect shot.

A moment of silence.

Big Mom chewed what had landed in her mouth... savoring it...

"Deliiiiicious!! This is it, this is iiiiit!!"

A beaming smile spread across her face... and the murderous aura she'd been radiating until just now vanished as if it had never existed.

She sat down with a heavy thud, chewing again and again, savoring the long-awaited Gateau Chocolat... then swallowed with a gulp and lay back on the ground, completely satisfied.

And so, the crisis on Ice Island had passed.

Incidentally, despite all that rampaging, Big Mom had almost no memory of what happened. Apparently she just said, "My, the island sure is a mess... make sure you clean it up properly, okay?" and headed home without a care.

Since Zeus had been taking so long to return, she rode Prometheus instead, whom she'd summoned from Whole Cake Island where he'd been holding down the fort.

Zeus, I'm told, got thoroughly chewed out afterward and was left in tears. ...Well, that was his own fault.

...Even so, to think the people of Totto Land just live with this kind of self-inflicted kaiju disaster on the regular. The perpetrator having no awareness, no memory, and no remorse.

Was the sense of security that came with living under the protection of one of the Four Emperors really that appealing? Enough to endure having their lifespan collected as a tax substitute and put up with the occasional Temper Tantrum?

On a related note, after all that, in addition to Katakuri who stopped the rampage with his Gateau Chocolat Destructo Disc, I was also welcomed back into town as some kind of hero for buying the time that saved it until the Gateau Chocolat was ready.

I got a huge haul of ice cream as souvenirs, and even the shop owner whose chocolate ice cream I'd taken without asking said, "Not a problem at all! Please, take even more!" and gave me yet more souvenirs.

That was nice, but... I had a feeling this whole incident had raised my standing, or rather my favorability rating, with the Big Mom Pirates even further.

Not just the pirate crew. I felt like even the citizens of the country, especially the people of Ice Island, were directing those kinds of sentiments my way...

I caught bits and pieces of whispered conversations, things like "the wedding" and "move it up" and "the partner"... I might have just dug my own grave here.

But abandoning the town back there would've left a bad taste in my mouth too... hmm.

Well, as thanks this time, the Big Mom Pirates promised me a massive haul of all sorts of sweets as souvenirs, so I'd choose to see it as a win.

...The whole political marriage issue was already a concern to begin with. My favorability might have shifted somewhat, but the fact that it was a crisis I needed to prepare for hadn't changed.

Oh, and one more thing. Despite all that chaos, the Tea Party afterward was held right on schedule.

Well, there hadn't been any human casualties, guests from all over had already arrived in the country, and... canceling it would've put Big Mom in a bad mood anyway. So that was probably inevitable.

This Temper Tantrum thing really is just a part of daily life for the people of this country, isn't it...

***

"...So that's what happened before, right? And the stage play we're about to see is one I wrote the script for, based on that experience."

"Huh, really... you've had yet another crazy adventure, Mom..."

"A monster beyond all hearsay, that 'Four Emperors' Big Mom... and eventually, with her..." (mumble)

"The souvenir sweets were tasty, though."

Several months later.

I had brought all three of my daughters to a theater at Gran Tesoro, partly as a break from their training, to see a stage performance. As I just mentioned, the test performance of the play I wrote the script for was being held today.

I wondered how it had turned out. Hopefully the girls would enjoy it too.

...Oh, the lights just went down. It was starting.

"Thank you for your patience, ladies and gentlemen! We will now begin the test performance of 'Sora, Warrior of the Sea: Stage Edition, The Great Monster of the Land of Despair'! Please sit back and enjoy the show!"

To be continued...

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