Of Ice, Death & Monsters

Chapter 61 : For My Beginning

‘The world is quiet here…’

That was my first thought as I woke up in a bed, swaddled in a blanket.

I opened my eyes, staring up at a rotting wooden ceiling. It looked like… What did it look like?

‘Who… Am I?” My memory was hazy. I could remember bits and pieces of my past, but they all seemed to be wrong, contradictory. 

I saw flashes of a construction company, where I worked day in and day out. Then, one where I was a street urchin, panhandling out on the road, trying not to get hit by cars. Then, I was a monster hunter, tasked with bringing down monsters and taking them in for extraction and examination.

I was so many things, but there was one Name that resonated with me amongst the myriads of others that echoed: 

“Peter!” A familiar voice called out to me as something flew into my body, hugging my neck as I looked in surprise to find a girl? With white hair, cat ears, and a tail. She had tears in her eyes and was clutching me so hard that I felt claws on my back.

“You’re finally awake. I thought you would have never…” She sniffled and then lifted her head off my shoulder as I looked in disbelief, remembering who it was.

“M-Matthias? Is that you?” I asked as the little catboy nodded.

“It’s been so long. I knew you were alive but…” He looked down before getting off me and sitting at the side. He looked so sullen and anxious, just like he was when I found him in the snow… Before the Bes.

“It’s alright… I’m here.” I rubbed my head and looked around. “Where are we, though? What happened… I remember…” Well, I tried to remember but blanked hard.

“Actually, I don’t remember. My memory, I can barely make out what happened to me. I just remember my Name… and you and-“

“I hope you can remember us at least…” Another voice called out to me from the doorway. I turned to find a tall and beautiful woman leaning against the wall with her platinum blond hair in a ponytail, arms crossed as she wore what I could only describe as a black battle maid outfit with a gleaming black spear by her back.

She walked towards me as I awkwardly stared back. I tried to remember her Name, failing, but I did feel like I knew her. Especially whenever I focused on the spear. Images flashed in my mind of her brandishing the spear against a giant, as well as fighting hordes of ghouls and other monstrosities.

“Uh… Caitlyn?” I genuinely asked, as the woman just sighed.

“It’s to be expected. After Nawia, after whatever happened to you, it’s a miracle you’re even here… A miracle that…” Katya held back her tongue, looking away as she just sighed.

“Never mind that. My Name is Katya, Katya Faina. It’s good to have you here with us, Peter Sai. You’ve been in a coma for quite some time.”

“Coma?" I furrowed my eyebrows. "Why? What happened to me?” I tried to get up, but Matthias pushed me down.

“Don’t go up just yet, not until Baba Yaga sees you.”

“Baba… Yaga…” My memory jogged a little from that Name. Yeah, we were supposed to be looking for her so that she could… What was she supposed to do again?”

“How long ago was I out?” I asked, looking at my hand and then at my body, finding that I looked… Normal? I was surprised for some reason that I looked like a relatively athletic young man, very much different from the malnourished physique I had held right before the journey started.

“22 days.” I stared at Matthias in disbelief as he continued to speak. “You were out for nearly a whole month.” 

“W-What? Well, that’s not so bad, I guess- Ugh, my head…” I rubbed my temples again as I looked up at Katya. There was a throbbing pain in it, as if someone was speaking directly into my skull. 

“Wait… Where are the others? I…I know there were more of us. Where are they?” I looked around expectantly, seeing that the room I was in had no windows and that every crack to the outside was sealed up.

“They’re training, and I don’t think they want to see you right now.” Katya responded with the bluntness of a bat.

I felt a pit in my chest form over those words, sighing silently. “Oh… Wait, why not-“

“It’s best not to touch on it right now. Get some rest now, Peter. Have a good day.” Katya quickly walked away as I raised my arm to her, as if calling her out before she disappeared.

I sighed in annoyance, but Matthias patted my head with a smile. “Don’t worry… It’s just that these times have been hard for all of us- Oh, I got you some food.” He curled his hand as a nearby tray with a plate of bread drizzled with honey and a goblet of water was carried by several glowing sprites.

They moved it to my lap as I looked down at it. I had to admit I was quite hungry; being in a coma for weeks on end would do that to a person. I grabbed the bread, noticing it was quite warm as I lifted it up and began to eat. 

There was a wave of relief that shot through me as if I had finally completed a day's work. It was soft, sweet, and buttery. There were even some nuts in it for some texture that I enjoyed before I downed it with water.

“Oh, thanks. Wait, did you guys feed me while I was asleep?”

Matthias shook his head. “No, your body was in a sort of suspended animation for quite some time when we dragged you out of the Nawia.”

My head ached with that Name as I remembered flames dancing all around me, with yelling and screaming echoing through a rocky meadow.

“Nawia… Oh, I uh, that was the last place we were in, right?”

“Yeah, do you remember what happened to you?” He leaned in close, watching me as if waiting for me to crash out.

“Uh…” I racked my head again, but it was all a blur. Except for maybe the end, where I saw a bunch of people stare at me, confused, horrified, disgusted, and intrigued all at the same time.

“No, I can barely recall anything at all. Although now that you mention it. I do feel a little lonely for some reason.”

Matthias tilted his head like a cat. “Lonely?”

“Yeah…” I stared at my shaking hands. “As if a little piece of me suddenly just… disappeared for some reason. I feel… empty.” 

I clutched at my heart and closed my eyes, as if expecting someone to talk to me, yet nobody came.

“Uhm… I guess, Baba Yaga could explain what happened better than I could.” Matthias fiddled with his fingers as he looked away.

“Can you, at least try? I’m really confused. What happened? Why am I here? Why can’t I remember anything? Why was I out for so long?” I tried to get out as Matthias pushed me back down.

I flinched, expecting a dull ache to come for me, yet instead the feeling of emptiness grew.

“Well… The best I can say is that your soul fell into the Smorodina. Do you remember what that is?”

I nodded a little. “That’s the uh soul of rivers right- I mean river of souls. Man, that thing was so loud, it kept on ringing in my ears when I-“

Matthias waited for me to finish as I began to remember… Falling. I tripped? No, someone else grabbed me and we both fell in together.

“When I fell in… I…” I strained my head again, and yet nothing came out of it. There was just something off, something that felt wrong. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but…

“I fell in and I was supposed to be dead, or well, something like that, right?” I pointed to myself as Matthias slowly nodded.

“When you fell in, you joined with the souls of the dead, but you didn’t just join with them like how anyone else who falls in does. You… I’m not really sure how, but you became one with them.”

I tilted my head in confusion. “One… With them? But, how is that any different from joining them?”

“I guess, it’s more apt to say they joined you. Do you remember your Magick? The one you gained upon entering here?”

For a moment, a spark lit in my body, and faint memories popped up in my head and disappeared as quickly as they arrived.

“Yeah, it’s uh, the one that whenever somebody dies around me, I get their soul. Yes, that one, right?”

He nodded again. “Yes, well, it’s like that, but times that by a few billion and then tada…” Matthias awkwardly chuckled. “You had most of the underworld literally jammed into your soul. I’m surprised you didn’t just burst. I’m surprised you’re even still… cognizant with only memory loss.”

I touched my face as I realized that’s why I felt so alone, that I felt so incomplete. It was as if I had touched the Heavens themselves and fell back to earth. There was just something now missing in me…

“I…I can’t hear them anymore, the voices. None of them are here-Well, here being my head, did you get me out of it?”

Matthias looked down solemnly. “We couldn’t do such a thing. Instead, it was Zmey, the guardian dragon of the Nawia. He overloaded the Smorodina golem you became, and then all the spirits shot out. You somehow retained enough of yourself not to fall into the River.”

A bright flash of light ran through my mind as he said that, for the first time in a while, pain seared across my body as if I were experiencing physical trauma.

“We got you out of there.” Matthias continued as he played with his tail. “But Zmey tried to make you stay, he said you were far too dangerous.” He laughed a little and leaned on my bed.

“Yeah, cause the lady who could throw soul evaporating fireballs and the woman who could transmute anything into a weapon are less dangerous than a man who could connect to others better…”

He rolled his eyes so hard that I could swear they disappeared to the back of his head.

“But then he was called back, I don’t know by whom, but it was someone who managed to call off your imprisonment.”

I chuckled softly. “Looks like I have to thank them if ever we’re going back there.”

Matthias looked away awkwardly. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to go back there… Ever- No offense, I just-“

“None taken.” I answered back quickly. “I’m beginning to slowly remember what happened there.” 

Thunder and lightning flashed in my mind alongside the sounds of artillery barrages, which somehow felt soothing to me.

“I don’t think I should be allowed back there. If I still have that power, it might be a repeat of whatever happened to me.” I sighed and laid my hands before staring at the door where Katya had left. But then, a thought hit me. If I were alive, then maybe…

“Is Andrei alive? Rodion-“

Matthias shook his head sadly. “N-No they’re… They didn’t make it.” 

“Oh…”

A faint silence washed over us both as I grumbled and shook my head. “Guess we can’t have everything, huh, fuck. Well… If we’re here, and with Baba Yaga, doesn’t that mean we can finally head back home?”

I looked up at Matthias, silently begging that the answer was a yes. But I could already tell from how his eyes stared at the floor that my prayers wouldn’t be answered.

“B-but… We came all the way here…” I tried to get up from the bed, but Matthias held me down, his body shaking as his voice quivered.

“I-I know, I-it’s just that-“

“It’s simply that times have changed. And so shall the rest of you.”

A voice interrupted Matthias as the door to my room opened up.