My Life with Narration

Chapter 402 - 398: Obsessive Fixation

Despite having done his utmost, Su Qing was still unable to change the outcome, and his heart was filled with a profound sense of loss.

Fortunately, he didn’t have to be the one to break the news to Zhang Heng, otherwise, he wouldn’t even know how to begin.

A person who had just been sentenced to death hearing the news of the passing of his last relative - such a blow, he felt he couldn’t bear it.

With Old Zhang gone, not even the closest of relatives would run around for Zhang Heng like a son would, most would just do their best within reason.

Rumble!!

Crash~~

Torrential rain poured down with great momentum, with water flowing across the roads, and even beginning to pool on lower-lying surfaces.

A car was slowly moving down the deserted street, and inside were two drowned rats.

By now, both Su Qing and Li Zijun were thoroughly soaked, but Su Qing was in worse condition. He was not only soaked, but covered in mud, with traces of mud even on his face, and faint bloodstains visible on his clothes.

Due to the rain, Li Zijun’s hair was rather disheveled, and her loose clothing clung to her, emphasizing her figure.

But at this moment, Su Qing was in no mood to appreciate such a fine view. The ’whoosh’ of the warm air filled the car, driving away the chill that clung to the two.

"Here we are. It’s late, take an umbrella, and get home early!"

At the entrance of Qingshui Garden District, Li Zijun spoke up.

Glancing at the still pouring rain outside, Su Qing took a deep breath and said, "No need, I’ll just run back. You head home early too, Sister Jun!"

With that, not waiting for her response, Su Qing opened the car door directly, and a gust of cold wind swept in.

"Hey, I don’t need... this stubborn boy!" Watching the silhouette dashing into the district, Li Zijun couldn’t help but shake her head, a little helpless.

There was only one umbrella in the car, but at least he wasn’t being pampered in vain. At least he cares for others. Hopefully, he won’t be stubborn with her or he’ll have to endure a lot.

As a criminal police officer, how could she not detect Su Qing’s odd behavior today?

Why was he so eager to find Zhang Guoxin, and it just so happened that Zhang Guoxin was involved in a car accident and died?

There must be things she didn’t know, but some things aren’t essential to know, especially when she discovered someone got into a car accident. At that instant, she was even prepared for the worst.

But when she realized Su Qing was fine, the rest seemed less important, so she didn’t inquire about the reason for Su Qing hurrying over.

Even so, she still sensed something off about Su Qing’s mood. She assumed he was startled seeing someone die in front of him for the first time and feared he might be psychologically affected, so she spent the whole way back counseling him.

She was in her fifth year of work, and although social security was pretty good these days, she had lost colleagues over those five years, not to mention the injured, which were even more numerous.

The anti-drug division, which was more dangerous than the criminal investigation department, had higher casualties, especially among drug enforcement officers, so even though she was a woman, her psychological endurance in this regard far exceeded that of an ordinary person.

Besides, Zhang Guoxin wasn’t their colleague, nor was he an acquaintance. People die every moment all over the world; is there any point in being sad for someone you don’t know or aren’t familiar with?

So she couldn’t understand Su Qing’s feelings.

The downpour was relentless, and even though it was just a short distance from the district entrance to his apartment building’s entrance, Su Qing was completely drenched. Upon entering the elevator, his entire being seemed to deflate as if he’d lost all his energy.

Although he acted unaffected, today he was hit hard, the intensity was significant. Just as Li Zijun thought, while there was no need to grieve over the death of someone unfamiliar, the frustration of being helpless despite having the chance to change the outcome still filled him with self-reproach.

This wasn’t him being melodramatic, but a change in his mindset.

It’s like a firefighter trying to rescue someone about to jump from a building, clearly grabbing hold of the person but watching helplessly as they leap to their death—that sense of powerlessness and guilt is the hardest to bear.

The fundamental reason is that he originally had the chance to change the outcome, and that’s what truly troubles him.

Su Qing felt the same way; Li Zijun might not understand, but he knew what was happening.

The key issue was, he couldn’t talk about it.

When he opened the door in all his bedraggled state, it immediately caught Shen Yi’s attention inside.

"You’re back, oh? What happened to you? How did you get this drenched?"

Seeing him in this condition, Shen Yi quickly handed him a towel, and at the same time, a big yellow dog crawled out of its kennel, circling around him.

"Woof woof, woof woof!" [Translation: Are you okay, you’ve got blood? Don’t die, I still have a legal case pending!]

The big dog smelled the scent of blood on him, which was what Su Qing got on him from Zhang Guoxin.

The bloody water mixed with rain had long soaked through his clothes.

"I’m alright, just hungry," Su Qing’s voice was somewhat hoarse, and his expression was somewhat gloomy.

"What happened? Did something happen?" Seeing his mood wasn’t right, the keen Shen Yi quickly inquired.

"Nothing, just a little tired."

Seeing he didn’t want to talk, Shen Yi didn’t press: "Then hurry to the bathroom to shower, don’t catch a cold. I’ll find you some clothes and warm up the dishes."

As a mature, intellectual sister, Shen Yi had long passed the stage of being excessively curious. If he didn’t want to talk, she wouldn’t ask.

When a man is feeling down, he won’t immediately seek someone to confide in like a woman might. A man will first process it internally before having the desire to talk about it once their emotions have settled.

Unless the blow is too great, causing an immediate breakdown.

Su Qing nodded, then headed to the bathroom.

Taking off his clothes carelessly, he tossed them in the corner, filled the bathtub with water, and lay down in it.

The bathroom in his home wasn’t small, and the décor was quite nice. Of course, there was a bathtub, but he’d never used it, always opting for the shower. The bathtub was used occasionally only by Shen Yi.

At this moment, he felt physically and mentally exhausted, just wanting somewhere to rest briefly.

The whole body submerged in water, Su Qing closed his eyes, the final scene of Zhang Guoxin flashing in his mind, as well as the optimal solution to his actions at that time.

If he had reacted a bit quicker back then, if he hadn’t chatted with Zhang Guoxin for a while, could he have avoided the incident?

Especially the latter, if he hadn’t insisted on talking with Zhang Guoxin briefly at the courthouse entrance, would Zhang Guoxin have left earlier, thus missing the opportunity to encounter the vehicle, preventing the accident from happening?

The narrative gave him a bird’s-eye view, allowing him to navigate life with ease, but it also added endless troubles.

Following this line of thought, Su Qing eventually realized, to his astonishment, that the cause of Zhang Guoxin’s accident was himself. Because he initiated a conversation, the timing of the accident matched precisely.

And once this thought arose, it couldn’t be stopped—it turned out he was the cause.

If he hadn’t had the narrative, he wouldn’t have encountered this matter. Without this encounter, he wouldn’t have chatted with Old Zhang. If he hadn’t had that conversation, maybe Old Zhang wouldn’t have met that truck. Without the encounter, Old Zhang wouldn’t have died.

A chain of logic began to fit together, harmonious, eventually spiraling into obsession, feeling trapped in an infinite loop and deeply uncomfortable.

At one point, he even began to doubt, was his approach really right?

...