novelraw Chapter 49: 049
Chapter 49: 049
Chapter 49
The house looked the same as before, with the umbrellas by the entrance, stuffed animals on the sofa, photos on the wall, and even the succulents on the balcony.
Cheng Jinlan stared at the grown succulents and asked softly, "Did you buy this house?"
"Yes," Shao Chengze stood behind her, following her eyes to look over everything in the house. Although he had bought the house, he hadn't come back even once. He only had the housekeeper maintain it, keeping everything as it was originally.
"Why?"
Shao Chengze looked at her downturned profile and said, "Probably because you really liked the red bean cakes here, so I thought that one day you would come back."
Cheng Jinlan picked up the watering can and carefully watered each of the succulents. She didn't say anything, so Shao Chengze quietly accompanied her. Back then, she had given each succulent a name, and had even insisted that he remember all their names. She said that when watering them, you had to call them by name and communicate with them often so they could grow faster. He didn't know where she had gotten this silly notion, but he had indeed remembered all their names.
Shao Chengze scrutinized the succulents, trying to match them with the names in his memory. Suddenly, he noticed something amiss. Falling on the succulents, in addition to water, were her tears, silently trailing down her cheeks and dropping into the quiet air, splashing into his heart.
Shao Chengze panicked a little and hurriedly turned her shoulders towards him. "Why are you crying?"
Cheng Jinlan held up her shoulders, not looking at him. She messily wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. Her voice was calm without any crying, "Shao Chengze, stop trying to coax me with your nonsense."
For as long as she could remember, she rarely ever cried. She didn't like shedding tears in front of anyone, much less hide alone somewhere to cry quietly. Not during the breakup, not that chaotic night when she heard those words from him, not even when she gave birth to Cheng Liqi. She prided herself on handling her emotions smoothly, without needing tears as an outlet.
She didn't understand what triggered these sudden tears, perhaps it was the glaring sunlight, or perhaps...she was least able to resist memories of the past.
Once the floodgates opened, it became difficult to stop the tears. Cheng Jinlan was annoyed at her own weakness and loss of composure. She was also annoyed that he had brought her back here. She tried to avoid him and head to the bathroom.
Shao Chengze blocked her path, leaning down anxiously to look at her.
"Go away," Cheng Jinlan shielded her eyes with her arm.
Shao Chengze gently wiped away her continuous tears. He confessed to her frankly, "I'm sorry. What I said earlier was mostly to placate you. If I'm being honest, I bought this house more out of spite than to keep a memento. You wanted a clean break from the past to start a new life. I insisted on keeping everything, out of stubbornness."
Looking at her flushed nose, his tone was astringent, "Miaomiao, wasn't I really stupid? I had time to be petty with you, but never asked you why you wanted to break up. If you had said you wanted to break up and I had simply asked why, we wouldn't have ended up like this. It's all my fault."
Back then they were too young, with too much pride and ego. They constantly tested each other, silently jealous, endlessly nitpicked, and pretended not to care. But they could never bring themselves to ask the most important question - why are you with me? What is the answer? They feared knowing the answer yet couldn't control their longing to know. These tortured feelings were too painful to bear. When she proposed breaking up, he readily agreed without hesitation, as if it were a relief. As if it were no big deal, just a fling, just a crush on someone with feelings for another. He told himself that in a long life, he would forget her eventually.
His mouth claimed he would forget, his heart claimed he would forget, yet countless sleepless nights and restless dreams reminded him ceaselessly that forgetting her was merely self-deception. No matter how long he lived, he could never forget her, no matter who she loved. He loved only her, or more precisely, he was in love with her.
Cheng Jinlan leaned against his shoulder, hiding her face from his view. Her endless tears seeped through his white shirt, dampening his warm skin. Sweat beaded her flushed face, and her muffled voice caught with emotion, "What's so bad about how things turned out? I have Cheng Liqi now, she's priceless."
Shao Chengze's thumb gently caressed the skin behind her ear. His eyes were gentle, "You're right. I'm so grateful to Cheng Liqi for bringing me back to you." He reached out to touch her face, growing wetter by the moment. All he could do was hold her tighter, "But whenever I think about you going through the pregnancy and raising Cheng Liqi alone all this time, moments that I should have shared with you, I just want you to slap me a few times. Please don't cry anymore. If you're upset, just hit me to let it out. Don't keep it bottled up."
Cheng Jinlan's voice caught on a sob, "Why don't you hit yourself? Your bones are so hard, it would just hurt my own hand to hit you."
Shao Chengze leaned to her ear, "Then should I hit myself while you watch to vent your anger, or just listen to the sounds to make you feel better?"
Cheng Jinlan quickly covered his mouth with her hand. Her voice was still muffled against his shoulder, "You're so annoying."
Shao Chengze chuckled lightly. He pulled her hand from his mouth and held it gently in his palm, massaging it, "Miaomiao, are you still unsure about me? Last night, you must have accidentally dialed me. I heard you tell your friend that you didn't know when we would break up."
Cheng Jinlan first tensed up, then gradually relaxed under his unhurried massage.
Sensing her relaxation, Shao Chengze continued, "Can you tell me all the ways you feel uncertain about me?"
She had many uncertainties about him, both now and in the past.
When they were together before, there were too many concealments between them. As time passed, those concealed doubts grew like a snowball along with the uncertainties, until she suddenly developed an uncertain certainty - neither of them were frivolous people, so if this relationship was just a casual game, there was no need to drag it out so long. Did that mean his feelings for her were the same as hers for him?
So she proposed breaking up as a test, wanting to lay their cards on the table. If they wanted to continue, what they needed was complete honesty, not more layers of concealment.
But he didn't give her any opportunity to test or reveal their hands. Without a second of hesitation or doubt, he readily agreed to break up. This made her "certainty" into a joke, both about him and herself.
Later that night, she learned his sister had passed away. She could clearly see his grief and despair as he held her and didn't let her leave. As he spoke of his sister's life and their breakup, she knew he was drunk, and his words couldn't be taken seriously. But his red-rimmed eyes and barely suppressed tears made her wonder if they could try again.
Her two fledgling certainties were immediately crushed, leaving her bruised and battered. She could pretend to others that she was fine, that it didn't hurt one bit. But only she knew the truth.
After they reunited, he slowly eliminated her doubts and uncertainties. But a voice inside still warned her not to trust him completely. So when talking to Jiang Meng last night, she had casually said they might break up anytime.
Cheng Jinlan looked up at him, with shining tears clinging to the corners of her eyes. "I'm uncertain about you in many ways. What will you do?"
Shao Chengze stroked her face. "As long as you don't mention breaking up, I can turn all those uncertainties into certainties."
Finally he asked her, "Is it fair now?"
How could it be fair? Cheng Jinlan was absolutely the suppressed side. From the sun high in the sky to the setting sun, she fell into the soft bed, already having fallen asleep. But deep inside her body there was still residual heat and numbness, lightly shivering.
Shao Chengze hugged her in his arms, kissed her swollen lips, and gently patted her shoulder to lull her to sleep.
Close to 8 pm, Cheng Liqi called. Shao Chengze answered.
Hearing it was Dad's voice, Cheng Liqi felt happy but also puzzled. She ran to her bedroom and asked in a small voice, "Dad, I called Mom's phone, how come you answered?"
Shao Chengze gently replied, "Because I'm with Mom."
Cheng Liqi suddenly realized, "Oh~~ Dad, did you chase after Mom on her business trip to coax her not to be mad at you?"
"Little Liqi is so smart."
Cheng Liqi was happy, "So did you manage to coax Mom?"
"I guess I coaxed her successfully?" Shao Chengze gently opened the bedroom door and looked at the person still sleeping in bed. He wasn't sure if she was even angrier now, after all he had been too rough just now. She wanted to stop but he couldn't stop.
"Where's Mom? I want to ask Mom if you really coaxed her sincerely."
Shao Chengze slowly closed the door again and told the little princess, "Mom is still sleeping."
Just as he was about to head to the kitchen, a faint sound came from the bedroom. Shao Chengze returned, turned on the light, and walked to the bedside. Stroking her hair, he gently asked, "Jinlan, what's wrong?"
"I want to drink water." Cheng Jinlan was half asleep and felt terribly thirsty. She looked at the sky outside but the heavy curtains blocked her view. "What time is it?"
"Almost 8 o'clock." Shao Chengze propped her up with pillows, then fed her water from the bedside glass.
On the phone, Cheng Liqi was getting anxious. She wanted to ask why Mom was sleeping this early, was she unwell? She also wanted to ask who this Jinlan was, wasn't Dad with Mom? How could he be with a strange girl?
She called loudly into the phone, "Dad!"
Hearing the voice, Cheng Jinlan opened her eyes, "Is that Little Liqi?"
"Yes, she called." Shao Chengze wiped the water from the corner of her mouth, and put the call on speakerphone. "Little Liqi, Mom is awake now."
Cheng Liqi hurriedly asked, "Mom, are you not feeling well?"
Cheng Jinlan buried her face in the pillow and cleared her throat. She replied to the little princess, "No, Mom was just tired so I took a nap."
Hearing the oddness in Mom's voice, Cheng Liqi wasn't convinced, "Mom, you're lying. You obviously cried. Did Dad bully you? Dad said he went to coax you but instead bullied you. I'm going to tell Grandpa and Big Uncle to go beat up Dad."
Cheng Jinlan quickly stopped her, "No, to coax Mom, Dad prepared a surprise gift for me. I was so touched that I cried."
Cheng Liqi seriously confirmed with Mom, "Really, Mom?"
"Of course it's true. I'll show you the gift Dad gave me when I get back."
Only then was Cheng Liqi reassured. But she still had one more question, "Dad, who is Jinlan? I heard you call that name just now."
Shao Chengze told her, "Jinlan is Mom."
"Jinlan? Why does Dad call Mom Jinlan?"
"Because she doesn't like being called Kitty, so I call her Jinlan instead."
Cheng Jinlan wanted to change the topic, but her body was sore and weak that she could not get up to cover Shao Chengze's mouth. Her mind went blank and she could not think of anything to distract them, so she could only lie on the pillow and continue listening to the father and daughter's conversation.
Cheng Liqi did not understand. "Daddy, why do you want to call Mommy kitty?"
Before her parents could answer her, she came up with an answer herself.
"I know! Is it because Mommy's crying sounds just like a little kitty cat's meow, soft and soft, so Daddy calls Mommy kitty?"
Shao Chengze's face, as thick as a city wall, was unusually embarrassed.
Cheng Jinlan pulled the quilt over her head. She did not want to say anything.