My Alleged Husband

Chapter 474 - 453: Entanglement_1

Zhang Zhentian had never imagined that life with his wife would be so difficult, so devoid of even a sliver of happiness. What had he done, as a husband, to make her feel such deep sorrow and sadness? Was he truly that inadequate in her eyes? He had always hoped for his wife, Xia Jing, to live a joyful and happy life with him, but why wasn’t she happy at all? Every word she said was like stabbing a knife straight into his heart; how painful it was for him. He had given her everything, only to be met with her indifference time after time, and even the hurtful words she said today had deeply wounded him. What more could he do to alleviate his wife’s suffering, to live happily together? Could it be that only by completely letting go and leaving could he truly find relief and happiness in his heart?

As soon as this thought entered Zhentian’s mind, he immediately killed it. He didn’t want to let the thought continue to exist because it filled him with fear; he cared about his wife so much that he couldn’t imagine living without her. If he truly let her go, who would he turn to for the rest of his life? Was he really going to live all alone forever? Such a thing could never happen—if it did, he feared he would never find happiness again in this lifetime.

"Wife, I know that everything I’ve done in the past has caused you pain. I understand that my actions were hard for you to bear, and I selfishly made you take the blame for me. I know all this was my fault. I shouldn’t have been so selfish with you, but my heart truly can’t bear to be without you, darling. Your leaving is like stripping the flesh from my bones, draining the blood from my veins. You’re the only person I can’t live without. All the beautiful memories we once shared, you surely haven’t forgotten them just like that, have you? I don’t believe those memories have vanished from your mind. How I long to continue living with you; can’t you give me some time, give me another chance to earn your trust, to stay by my side and let us find true happiness together? Why must we make each other suffer so much? Your heart is pained by leaving me, mine is on the verge of breaking. Why punish yourself for the mistakes I’ve made?"

Xia Jing found it hard to let go of this relationship too. After all, it was the product of so many years of their lives together. They had weathered storms and endured hardships, hand in hand, for over a decade. How could she selfishly abandon him now, walk away from a love that could still bring them both happiness? Why was she still considering only herself? But if she agreed to start over with him, who could guarantee they wouldn’t face the same problems they did years ago? A single lie led to divorce; what benefit did it serve her to stay with him, what value did she hold in his eyes?

"I really don’t know whether to believe what you’re saying. You made the same promises years ago and a decade earlier, yet you never fulfilled a single one. Promises have become a trifle to you. Despite all you say, you never considered my feelings. I can’t forget how you hurt me the first time, I could forgive you then, and I forgave you time and again, but your single lie that led us to divorce is an eternal wound in my heart, an unforgettable pain. You were so resolute back then, dragging me to the civil affairs bureau, forcing me to divorce you. I agreed, ultimately, and I know you’ve been looking for me since. But I can’t possibly be with you again, every time I’m with you, I remember how you heartlessly dismissed my pleas at the bureau’s door. Your heart must have been elated the moment you abandoned me. Since our separation, I don’t know what you’ve been through, but you think you can just return and command me to come back to you. Why? Why should I treat you so well again and again just because you once were my husband? I’m no saint; I can’t treat a relationship with the magnanimity of a saint. You hurt me, and no hurt you’ve inflicted can be undone by a few simple pleas or apologies. I can’t love you like I did before; that love has long since vanished. Why continue to make each other miserable? I want a life of my own, days without you, which are many times happier than when I was with you. I can be free to do what I want, live carefreely in my own world. With you, my heart was always concerned about causing pain to others. But you, you never cared. A person who only knows enjoyment doesn’t deserve to continue life with me, I don’t deserve to be with someone as selfish as you. Your selfishness terrifies me; your actions leave me living in fear. I don’t want to keep living on thin ice every day, under such immense psychological pressure. I’m truly afraid that if I continue living with you, my sanity will one day collapse. I don’t want that day to come too soon. I still want to live longer, to see my son forgive me. I don’t want to lose my precious life because of you. Please, don’t bother me anymore. For both our sakes, it’s for the best!"