My Alleged Husband

Chapter 374 - 354: It’s Complicated_1

"Mom, as the saying goes, ’When you can be lenient, be lenient.’ Since Dad has already paid the price for his own mistakes, can’t you both stop this strife? It’s no good for either family. I know what kind of person uncle is. I’m aware he isn’t your biological brother, yet you treated him as if he was, showering him with all that affection. If you could do that for uncle, why can’t we continue to live together as a loving father and son? I have never been envious of anyone, but do you know who I’ve always envied the most? It’s Lei Jian and his two younger brothers. We grew up together like the closest of siblings. Seeing him with his parents, who’d always be by their side and wouldn’t leave them no matter what, filled me with envy. And at those times, I’d wonder, where are my own Mom and Dad? Why do others have their parents’ company while I don’t? Why does everyone laugh at me for being a child without parents? Do I really matter so little in my parents’ eyes? There have been many times when I’ve felt unbearable pain inside. I don’t understand why my parents wouldn’t want to be with me, why they can be so cruel, why fate has to be so unfair to me. When I see those who are kind to me suffering because of my issues, it’s just too painful, and seeing my dear brother, who has always grown up with the companionship of his parents, I can’t help but feel unbalanced, because I too long for that parental love and affection. Yet after waiting a whole dozen years, when my parents finally returned, they ended up causing so much harm in their efforts to love me, and I could only watch helplessly as my parents hurt the person I love the most. I’m at a loss, unsure whether to fear or not, unable to make a choice. On one hand is the parental love I’ve yearned for over a dozen years, and on the other is my wife. Who am I supposed to choose? It’s a tough decision no matter what, but in the end, I still have to make a choice. Mom, I’ve envied others for having parents for more than a decade; do you and Dad really want me to keep on envying others? Even though I’m now settled with a family of my own, even though I now have the whole world, even though I’ve become an unreachable deity to everyone else, my heart is not happy. My parents are divorcing again because of me, I can’t be with them anymore, and sometimes in my dreams, I wonder if given another chance by heaven, would I choose a different path? Would I give up my own road to success to seek out my parents abroad? Would I abandon the person I love most to be with my parents? Now, I realize I’d still make the same choices, because I can’t regret the path I’ve taken. Opportunities only come once, and once chosen, they can’t be changed in a lifetime. Seeing my beloved wife misunderstand and blame me, and being unable to explain myself because some things just can’t be explained clearly—I don’t know how to communicate with my parents, nor do I understand what it would take for them to really care for their son, to make some sacrifices. I really don’t know how to bring this up to you, but today, I’m begging you, even if just for my sake, please put aside what you call your dignity and reconcile with Dad. I can’t bear these troubles anymore."

Xia Jing’s heart ached as she listened to her son’s words. She didn’t know how to communicate with him anymore, and she didn’t know what choice to make now, seeing how her own reasons had changed her son into what he was now made her feel even worse.

"I’ve begged you so much, are you still not willing to let go of my dignity? Is your pride really more important to you than your own flesh and blood? I see what you mean now. After all these years, I guess I just don’t matter at all. In my mother’s eyes, I’m someone whose absence wouldn’t make her happier nor her absence sadder."

"That’s not true. I never thought that, Yichen. Mom really doesn’t know what to do. Can you bear to see your mother unhappy for the rest of her life because of you? Actually, I know you care a lot about me deep down, and you don’t know how to communicate with me, or express your love for me. That’s why you’re doing this, saying these things. I don’t blame you, son. But if you truly wish for your mom and dad to keep living together, and you think that’s showing love for you, I can let go of my so-called dignity and pride and get back together with your dad and live on. However, I can’t guarantee that the feelings between your dad and me will ever return to what they were before. His heart is not with me now; it’s filled with interests. In his eyes, I can’t see anyone else, just secrets. Interests have far exceeded everything else for him. With them, he has everything; without, he has nothing. He can lose the whole world but not those so-called interests. Once I saw that clearly, I lost all hope in him. I realized that being with him, I’m truly happy, but when he’s with me, happiness never comes. How can my heart be happy watching him become desensitized because of me? Step by step we’ve reached today; from knowing each other, becoming companions, and vowing to stay together, we’ve never regretted being with each other. Yet, I can’t forgive my dearest person for treating me this way. Maybe you can’t understand my feelings now, but give it time, and I believe you will understand my heart. Child, think carefully about what you want me to do. Once you’ve thought it through and reached a considered conclusion, I will surely do as you wish, fulfilling your hopes!"