My Alleged Husband

Chapter 307 - 287: To Leave or Not to Leave!_1

Actually, Xia Jing was acutely aware in her heart, that even if she left Zhang Zhentian in this lifetime, she would never carry on life with anyone else. She had said long ago that she would only have Zhang Zhentian as her husband for her whole life; she would absolutely not marry another person. Yet despite this, she still insisted on divorcing Zhang Zhentian!

"It was you who wanted to divorce in the beginning, and it is you who doesn’t want to divorce now. What exactly do you want me to do? Must everything be done according to your wishes? When have you ever considered my feelings? Because of my lies, you decided to divorce without giving me any chance to explain. If that’s the case, why bother at all? Living on together like this has no meaning, and it will only bring greater harm to each other. Don’t you want to live the happy life you desire? We’ve been together for more than ten years, and in those years we’ve weathered so many storms together. No matter the difficulties, it was always you who gave me courage, telling me not to be disheartened. We always chose to face them head-on, just like how you’re choosing to divorce me now. At first, I couldn’t accept it and begged everyone to persuade you not to divorce me. But in the end, I had to accept it; I still chose to face it head-on, because if every past event could be faced head-on, why can’t we do the same now? Facing it head-on now will result in a good outcome for both you and me, won’t it? I know what you want to say, but please, don’t tell me anymore. I must admit that in my heart, there is still a place for you, but every word you speak, every action you take, truly breaks my heart. You are still determined to divorce me, disregarding the marital affection of over a decade..."

As Xia Jing spoke, she became more and more heartbroken. How could she accept it so easily, that the person she loved dearly would break up with her over a single lie, and with such a resolute attitude at that? She was never one to beg, but for the sake of Zhang Zhentian, Xia Jing had not just once, but many times, humbled herself to seek help from others. Yet in Zhang Zhentian’s eyes, nothing Xia Jing did could merit his approval, which made Xia Jing’s heart ache profoundly.

Seeing his wife talk like this, Zhang Zhentian felt a deep pain. Had his wife really been so unhappy all these years? What had all his years of effort been for?

"I don’t want to say anything else now, I just want to ask you one thing. In your eyes, what were all my years of effort for? Was it for myself? Do you really see everything I’ve done as so selfish in your eyes? You say I’ve never considered your feelings from your perspective, but have you ever considered mine? You never knew what I needed. You say the affection of over ten years of marriage is so easily disregarded in my heart, but do you really treasure the affection of these ten plus years in your heart? If so, then I owe you an apology, but please, don’t go against your conscience to tell me lies about continuing..."

Xia Jing felt even more displeased inside after spending the day hearing what Zhang Zhentian had said.

"What do you mean? Can you tell me what you mean? In your eyes, is every word I say a lie? If that’s the case, then why should we continue to struggle on in this marriage? A marriage forced into existence will not be happy. To be with you, I’ve given up so much, even willing to sacrifice my own life. But in the end, all I got in return was that you always thought what I said was a lie. Let’s just go inside and finish the divorce proceedings. Standing here at the gate is not good for anyone to see. After going through so many hardships together, in the end, my feelings couldn’t even compare to a single lie of mine. You never had me in your heart. You only felt the need to have me by your side when convenient, and when you didn’t, you’d kick me to the curb. In your heart, I’ve always been like a pet that could be called or dismissed at will, easily replaceable. You have never considered my feelings from my perspective. I often wondered, if one day we really couldn’t carry on, what would you do? Would you lower your head to me or tell me it’s over? But I never expected this day to come so soon. Suddenly, you told me you wanted a divorce, catching me off guard. The blow was too great for me. I used to value you above all else, but not anymore, because now I understand: don’t hold someone too high; their heart may not have a place for you. Maybe what they want is not you, but their own gain!"

"You’re wrong; what I’ve always wanted was you. I can be without any gain, I can stop doing those things that violate my conscience. All I wanted was for you to be by my side. Having you is enough for me, to have you for a lifetime, I need nothing else. But now, as things stand, I know your heart has cooled and won’t be with me anymore. The situation today is the result of my own doing, and it’s me who forced you to this point. I can blame no one but myself for being thoughtless and hurting the wife who loved me so much. If you are determined to divorce, I won’t beg you anymore, because I have my own dignity. For your sake, I chose to bow down and set aside my pride, because you were more important to me than anyone else. But now that you’ve made this decision, I shouldn’t keep pushing in the face of shame. That would only make you think less of me!"

"Actually, in my heart, I really don’t want to part with you. Over these many years, did you think I had no feelings for you? My feelings for you have grown deeper with time, to the point where it’s not just that I could easily give up my life for you, but that you have become more important to me than the whole world. I can’t bear to see anyone hurt you, and I can’t bear to see you sad because of anyone. The biggest mistake of my life was the day I took you away from the Zhang Family, separating you from your father and son, causing your son to lack a father’s love all these years. This is something I can never make up for in this lifetime. Now, I have nothing more to say. Let’s just hurry to the Civil Affairs Bureau and get the divorce procedure over with. That way, you can go home and live the happy life you want. You won’t need to worry about running into me or fret over whether I’ll lie to you again. The day you walk away from me will be the day you’re truly free. Perhaps, leaving me is the greatest happiness for you. Forcing you to stay by my side serves no purpose..."