My Alleged Husband

Chapter 221 - 201 - Better to Leave_1

Zhang Zhentian and Xia Jing sat in the living room for a while, both truly at a loss about what to do next. Their return had driven their son away from the home, their past merciless abandonment had led their child to hate them, and their repeated troubles with Ran Zhihan had completely severed their son’s recognition of them. At this moment, they both wished time could flow backward; at least then they wouldn’t have committed those acts and they wouldn’t have to endure their son’s hatred.

"Zhentian, did we really do wrong?" Xia Jing couldn’t understand her son’s thoughts. She was willing to lay down her own life for her son, to do anything for him, yet why could she never earn a good word in Zhang Yichen’s eyes? Why could she never gain his approval? This tormented her deeply.

"Ah, no, you are not wrong. It’s not your fault. The mistake lies in our selfishness in the past. If we hadn’t heartlessly abandoned him, how could we be in this situation today? If we hadn’t repeatedly threatened him, how could we have arrived at this impasse? If we hadn’t consistently put him in unjust situations, how would he have chosen to move away and cut ties with us forever? Now it seems our son is truly out of our control. He has grown up, and if we try to control him, we might indeed lose him completely!"

"Yes, when I first returned here, I was filled with hope. At that time, I so wished to be welcomed back with my son’s warm embrace, to hear him call me ’Mom.’ But now it seems, it’s not that easy. He’s filled with hate for us in his heart. How difficult it is to return here and hear him call me ’Mom.’ But what can we do? Isn’t everything we owe him merely something we must repay? Alas, how unpredictable life is, completely catching me off guard. I wish he could be standing by my side right now. If only he would come back, I would prefer to move away from here, never to step inside this home again..."

When Zhang Zhentian heard his wife utter these words, he was stunned. He had never imagined that one day she would say such a thing; it was unthinkable to him, but today Xia Jing had spoken those words, and the shock was overwhelming. If their son had been there to hear it, he wondered what he would have felt. For a mother to move out and never enter the home again, just to make her child happy to stay, what a grievous wound for a mother. Yet for her child, what is it that she could not do?

"I must say, the words you spoke today have truly surprised me," Zhang Zhentian began. "I never imagined you would say such things. Do you know? In my heart, you have never been the perfect wife and mother, but I still love you. Our love has been unshakable, and I never felt that you would sacrifice anything for the sake of your own son. I knew that what you did before was for his own good, but it was nothing compared to today. The words you said today have really shocked me. If only our child could hear them, he wouldn’t know how happy he should feel..."

"You’re just trying to comfort me, aren’t you?" Xia Jing responded, tentative. "Even if my son stood beside me and heard what I said, he wouldn’t be touched. He would think that I’m just putting on a show because I no longer have a place in his heart. Do you know? When we were in the United States, how much I wished to hear just one word from my son, even if it was him lashing out at me. I would still have been happy because at least I could hear my son’s voice. That was the first time I heard my son’s voice in my life. Do you know? When the child was one month old, I abandoned him, and that has been a pain in my heart ever since. I know you’ve never been able to put it aside, because of my mistake, the relationship between you and Yichen has suffered so much. This makes me feel deeply guilty. If I choose to leave this time, I don’t want you to come with me. After all, he still has you in his heart as a father, while the place of me as his mother has long been discarded. I don’t want you to leave with me again because dad needs care. He’s getting old, and he can’t withstand any more heartache. He just needs his son by his side to spend his twilight years with him, which is not easy for an elderly father."

"What nonsense are you talking about?" Zhang Zhentian countered. "If we have to leave, we’ll leave together. The blame for abandoning our child isn’t yours alone. If I had stepped in and stopped you from making that mistake back then, we wouldn’t be in this situation today. It’s both our faults in the end. Why do you have to shoulder all the blame yourself? If we leave, we will leave together; if we come back, we come back together. We are husband and wife, inseparable. Even though my father is old, I believe that after we leave, Yichen will take good care of him just the same. Our son holds his grandfather in his heart as if he were a deity. You know how filial our boy is. He just doesn’t want to see us. It’s not that he’s unfilial towards our father."

Xia Jing hesitated; she didn’t know what to do. How could she let such a mistake, which had already shattered one family, happen again? How much would her son despise her if she allowed such a thing to happen to him again?

"I’m sorry, but this time when I leave, I really don’t want to leave with you," Xia Jing said earnestly. "Because of me, your father has already suffered once, and our son has already experienced being abandoned. Do you really want to let it happen to him again? If I leave alone, you can stay here to watch over our child and take care of our father, and you can keep our family together. I’ve made up my mind now; even if we cannot live together, as long as we keep each other in our hearts, that’s enough for me. I don’t ask for anything now, don’t want anything—I just want my son, the people I care about, and those who care about me to live safely and happily. That would be the greatest reward for me. Zhentian, there’s something else I have to tell you. This has already happened. Since he has also chosen to move out, whether he comes back or not, I’m going to leave because there’s something I have to do. I will never, ever agree to that girl being with him because it will bring him no good. I know it’s not just our fault; part of it must be because of that girl. She’s already caused trouble without even being part of this family—imagine the issues if she were to join it. It’s better to keep it from developing further now than to deal with those problems when they arise."