My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1421 - 1216: Useless Apologies

Sometimes, apologies aren’t always useful. No one knows what they have experienced, and no one knows the kind of blows their heart has endured before.

In fact, it’s very clear now that when my husband can ask this question, he just wants a sense of psychological balance. He cannot accept that the person he loves most has fallen for another man, while he himself remains forever as a backup. His heart suffers just as much, but some things can’t be forgotten just because you want to, nor can they be changed just because you wish to. Every person’s life is walked by themselves, and the path they ultimately choose determines the kind of outcome they will face in this life.

"To be honest, I don’t know how to explain this to you. When I’m with you, I don’t feel that heart-pounding sensation, but I do when I’m with him, because I love her. I’m willing to give up everything for her, just wishing to see him every moment of my life. As long as I can see him every day, that’s happiness for me. Maybe you don’t understand what kind of feeling this is, but I have no way to describe to you what a thrilling feeling it is!"

"I understand now. It turns out, in your heart, I was just a plaything for you. Maybe deep down, you never loved me at all. But do you know how deeply I loved you? I’ve fallen deeply into the sea of your love, and maybe I really can’t extricate myself for the rest of my life. What I wanted was just a peaceful and happy life. I never thought about what kind of ending I would face in this life, but I thought that as long as you were by my side, I would be satisfied!

Maybe I was too foolish, too focused. You never had me in your heart, yet I regarded you as my everything. Do you think I’m very, very stupid? If I had known it would end like this, why would I have acted this way for my entire life? I really regret it, regret it so much that I gave you all my love, yet you eventually chose to completely abandon me!

If you had told me these things before I fell in love with you, I wouldn’t be heartbroken, wouldn’t be in pain. But why did you choose to speak such cruel truths to me after I fell in love with you? Is this how you treat me? Do you turn a blind eye to all the feelings I have for you? Why are you so heartless to me? I am also a man; I have my own dignity and pride. For you, I could give up everything about myself, even my principles and pride. But why are you so cruel to me?"

Xia Jing heard her husband saying so much to her, and how could her heart not ache? Some things he knew; he just chose not to say them because he didn’t know how to explain them. Everyone has their own worries. If you say that everyone is living in the abyss of pain, not a single person is living easily. Everyone is suffering and agonizing.

"Since you are so eager to know whether I love you or him, then what’s the harm in telling you? I have to admit, I don’t feel that heart-pounding sensation with you, so I never loved you. In my heart, I only love her. For her, I’m willing to give up everything about myself because I believe that one day she will return to my side. Even if I ultimately choose to walk away from him, as long as I can see his silhouette, it’s a kind of happiness and joy for me. You might think I’m very silly, do you know? This is the most genuine love I have for him. Such love is something you have no way of understanding. There aren’t many people I love in this life, but once I truly love with my heart, I will love to the end, no matter what kind of ending I face. I will walk through it all, and never will there be a day I regret!"

"It seems I truly can’t compare to her. In your eyes, you always speak of her goodness, never considering any of her faults towards you. You keep her goodness etched in your heart, and that kind of love is indescribable and irreplaceable by anyone. I understand now; in your heart, you only love him, and in your eyes, I’m just dispensable. If he could return to your side, would you then abandon me completely at any moment?"

Xia Jing really doesn’t know what to say. To speak of this matter would completely damage the last layer of their relationship as a couple. But some things, if left unsaid, will only make everything awkward and passive. Why does such a tough choice fall on him again and again when all he seeks is a peaceful life? Each choice, each decision finally breaks everything thoroughly.

"I’m sorry, I really don’t love you. I don’t have any love for you now. In the depths of my heart, I only love her. For her, I can truly recklessly abandon everything, but I have no feelings for you. How can I be with you?

Actually, deep down, you too understand that some things can’t be forced. Love is love, and not loving is not loving. Even if forcibly staying together, there won’t be happiness, right? You clearly know this, so why do you still press me with such questions? You’re putting me in a difficult position too. Haven’t you thought about it? I really don’t want to say anything else. I just wish everyone can happily live out the remaining days, no matter how short they are. As long as I can see you smiling happily, that’s enough. Today, I’ve chosen to tell you everything, proving that I won’t conceal anything from you anymore. Even if the ultimate result isn’t what I want to see, I would still gladly accept it!

I can’t stand being tormented again and again by all the longing. This longing nearly drives me mad. I’m almost on the verge of collapse, enduring the longing in the depths of my heart over and over. Lying in your arms repeatedly, I’m thinking about where the person I love most is. I never thought about when I became so passive. I just want to live steadily, so why is it so hard? Why has it become so complex, leaving me with no way to solve these challenges!

This time I let you down and hurt you. I hope in my next life, I can still be your wife. Next time, I would definitely love you with all my heart and never treat you like this. This time, it’s my fault for hurting you..."

Right and wrong have all passed. No matter how much you care, what difference does it make? No one will care how you feel now; it’s all about the result.