My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1287 - 1116: Is Letting Go Love?

Sometimes, I really don’t know if letting go is a form of love. At the moments when I look at myself, covered in wounds again and again, I really become more and more confused. Why did I give everything, yet the result is not what I wanted? Why, when I give my true heart to others again and again, all I receive in return is their deceit? Is that really love?

"Mom and Dad, please tell me, in your eyes, what is love? Is it a phrase that can be casually said? Is it really just a joke in social interactions, which others take seriously, even if you’re joking.

Even if I hide everything very well, in the end, I will finally realize that it is not my goal. My goal isn’t there, nor is it my original intention. How laughable my actions appear in the eyes of others, only I know what all this truly is. Only I know whether what I want should be obtained or once again be taken away by others forcedly."

I vividly remember the grievances my wife suffered back then, which I find hard to forget.

"Chen Gang, we shouldn’t be like this. All these years, I know you’ve been waiting for me, but we’re really not suitable. When we were classmates, I had already hardened my heart to reject you, which proves that I would never be together with you in this life. You should have let go of all thoughts at that time and stopped waiting for me foolishly. Now, after waiting for so many years, you come back wanting me to divorce my husband. Do you think that’s possible?

I don’t care if my marriage is happy or not. A happy marriage is fought for, it’s maintained with effort. And if my marriage is unhappy, it only proves I am incapable. I can’t make my husband love me wholeheartedly, but how about you?

You’re still unmarried, you can find a complete woman, love you wholeheartedly, and spend the rest of your life with you. Why waste your time on a married woman like me? It’s not worth it!"

"Zhi Han, for me, there’s no such thing as worth or not worth. I only know that I cannot let go of you. All these years, I’ve always placed you in the most important position in my heart. I’m constantly thinking about you. I don’t know how to forget you. I’ve tried to forget you, but I can’t. I even tried being with someone else to fade the feelings for you, but it didn’t work!

I know you can’t let go of your pride. You can’t leave your husband because you think he’s the one who loves you the most. But do you know? My love for you is not any less than his love for you. All these years, you don’t know how much I’ve yearned to be with you. You don’t understand the feelings in my heart. Do you? I wish so much that one day you could agree to be with me, even if just for a single day — to be married for just one day, I would be satisfied.

I originally thought once I finished my studies and returned to the country, I would see you again. When I see you again, I wouldn’t have to let go of you like before. I could truly be with you. But I didn’t expect that when I finally completed my studies and returned, you were already someone else’s wife and had a child.

Did you ever think about how much these changes hurt me inside? All I ever wanted was a peaceful life, but I can’t get the life I want. Why are you living so happily, getting everything you wanted, but what about me? I’m still foolishly waiting alone, waiting for the day you might be with me. Is that fair to me?

Although I clearly understand there’s no fairness in this world, doesn’t your heart want to know my true feelings? Has your heart really never been moved by me even for a moment? All I want is a woman whose heart is moved by me, to be with me. We went to school together as children. We know each other better than anyone else. Are you really unwilling to give me a chance to be your lifelong companion, to spend the rest of our life with you?"

Chen Gang became more and more agitated as he spoke. It was the most painful day of his life. Clearly seeing the woman he loved the most in front of him, yet he was powerless because she had already become someone else’s wife, and he could only watch her happily living with someone else. He so desperately wished time could go back a few years. At that time, he would have given up everything in his studies to hurry back to the country. Perhaps if he had come back then, things wouldn’t have turned out so badly as they did now. If things hadn’t turned out the way they are now, how could all this be so difficult to deal with?

"Chen Gang, you’re actually mistaken. Although we went to school together since childhood, although our understanding of each other is no less than that of others, do you know? Before I even started school, I already knew my current husband. At that time, I decided that I would marry only him in this life. He promised me that he would come back to marry me, so I’ve been waiting for him all these years. After painstakingly searching for him for so long, I finally found him. How could I easily give up on the love of my life for an insignificant person, even if my marriage with him is now full of strife? But I don’t care. What I care about is being with him. But after what happened today with you, how can I face him?

You’re right. My love is just what you think it is. You’ve never cared about what I want. You always think that when you tell me you love me, it’s true. But do you know? What you’re doing isn’t loving me; it’s ruining me. If you truly love me from your heart, you wouldn’t do this to me. You wouldn’t leave me with no face to face my husband. Why should I divorce him for you? Perhaps today, when I go back, there will be a big fight between him and me. But I don’t care. Maybe today, he’ll drive me out of the house, perhaps he’ll take me to get divorced. However, I don’t care. I just want to stay by his side and truly be his wife. I don’t want to give up the hard-won love I’ve had for so many years.

I beg you to let me go. If it’s possible to let things slide, do so. By letting me go, aren’t you also letting yourself go? Why be so persistent? Being this way won’t result in anything good for anybody. You’re not only hurting me, but more so you’re hurting yourself. Perhaps my marriage has been shattered beyond repair by today’s events, but I can’t do anything about this. Even though I’m not the main cause, even though the main one who made mistakes is not me. But I have no face to face my husband, he’s loved me so deeply, willing to give me the best of everything in the world, but what about me? I’ve hurt him like this. Why should I expect him to keep loving me? Even if I divorce him, I won’t be with you, because someone like you doesn’t deserve it.

I understand very well that someone as lowly as me has no right to say such things, but I also hope you understand that since I’ve made any decisions, no one can forcibly change them, so there’s only one outcome: we can’t even be friends in the future. Since you’ve done this, let’s not contact each other in the future, let it end here!"

Back then, I didn’t know that letting go is also a form of love. I forced the woman I loved the most to go crazy with my own hands.