My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1279 - 1108: Midnight Loneliness

In a person’s lifetime, there will always be moments of loneliness. No one can truly understand the loneliness inside one’s heart. The background of one’s life may not be what others desire; everyone has their own happiness.

Life is like this, causing you to lose what you cherish most, again and again, only to finally realize how much you care about it all. When someone had it, nobody thought about what it would lead to. Why is everyone always so selfish, disregarding others’ comfort for the sake of their desires?

In this lifetime, people encounter many grand things, but ultimately, all they gain is heartache. Some sacrifice everything, over and over, for themselves, yet no one truly knows how they’ve spent their life.

Whoever has pondered how to spend their life, we endure agony over and over in our lifetime. Who thinks about how one should bear all this, when hit by successive fatal blows, who knows the latest sorrow? By day, I numb myself with work, but in the late night, what can numb me? My longing deepens with each day, and I find myself becoming a walking corpse, unsure of what I should obtain. No one knows what fate I’ll bear in this lifetime.

Perhaps life is like this, after enduring suffering, we still experience the parting of love. But do you truly know how you came by your life? A person steams in pain repeatedly. Again and again, one receives so much hurt—who knows what kind of harm one will receive? Each person’s life is like this. Yet, I will end up in the most painful abyss, beyond rescue, because of my actions. Everyone is like this, but who knows what kind of life would satisfy them?

Many have a greedy heart. Some will stop at nothing to harm their beloved for their selfish gains. However, some are willing to give everything for the happiness of the ones they cherish most.

Zhang Zhentian truly doesn’t know how to console his wife. He knows she has fallen into a deep abyss of pain, unable to free herself. No one can save her. In the middle of the night, he is awakened by nightmares time and again. She keeps making such decisions about her life, time and again harming herself, just to wait for the one in her heart to look back at her and stay by her side, even if only for a day. Is the human heart so fragile to withstand? Why does the heart never endure the wash of time? Time changes everything into something trivial, something so brittle it can’t withstand a single blow.

Xia Jing understands what Zhang Zhentian thinks. After sharing a bed as husband and wife for so many years, how could there be no thoughts at all, or even basic understanding? If there’s no basic understanding, what’s the meaning of living together for years? Even if not for love, life together for so many years will still result in mutual understanding. Often, the one who understands you best is not a friend, but an enemy. You may not understand yourself, but do you know how much those with you understand you? They’ve spent half their lives to understand you for a day to strike you down and let you collapse entirely, but you don’t understand that his deep understanding can also help you. A human heart cannot exchange for another. Only when you repeatedly face harm and suffering, do you realize it’s all in vain.

"Xia Jing, maybe now you won’t listen to what I say, but I hope you know, as your husband, I will never hurt you.

Over the years, I have been wholeheartedly devoted to you. Haven’t you felt even an ounce of it? I sacrificed so much for you over the years. Haven’t you sensed any of it at all?"

"In this world, the greatest pain is watching helplessly as the ones you love most leave you one by one, abandoning you while you stand there powerless. No one can truly understand the pain in my heart over the years. You all think I’m selfish, only caring about my feelings and thoughts, ignoring the opinions of others. But do you know? When you face me repeatedly, my heart aches so much. When you repeatedly criticize me, my heart feels so innocent. I also wish for a joyful life, but I have no way!

Over the years, I’ve given too much, much too much. Yet, for myself, I gained nothing. I gave everything, only to receive indifference from him in return. Do you know how speechless my heart feels? I’m so tired, sometimes I just want to close my eyes and never wake up. Sometimes I just want to fall into a permanent slumber, so my life will never allow happiness again. I only wish to sleep forever without waking up, but every time I open my eyes, I find myself in an abyss of darkness, unable to see my own hands. Do you know that darkness? Do you know that emptiness? No one knows!"

"You always feel your pain is the greatest in the world, and that no one else can comprehend it. But do you know, you’re not the only one who endures such pain? Who hasn’t gone through this? Who hasn’t been honed again and again in their pain? Although everything ultimately leaves us bruised, and even though this life has no joy to speak of, do you know how much I care, how much I wish you’d stay by my side, just like you hope for the person you love most to stay with you? I’m just like you, in the deep night when it’s so dark you can’t see your hand in front, the loneliness and defeat make my heart collapse and crumble repeatedly."

Who can know my loneliness in the middle of the night when I repeatedly do things I least want to do? Who has ever thought about my heartbreak?