My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1238 - 1067: Memories After Many Years

Years later, when I look back on the path I walked, I don’t even know where I made the wrong choice!

Zhang Ni only now recalls his attitude when he spoke to his father at that time, it was as if he was facing an enemy, wishing he could devour his father. But thinking back now, was his attitude really correct? No matter what, he is his father, yet the words he spoke truly hurt his father’s heart too much.

Perhaps, when he did things, he acted without thorough consideration, making all decisions impulsively, causing all the pain and hurt to himself.

If only he could live happily and joyfully, if he didn’t repeatedly shoulder all the blame and pain onto himself, how happy these past few days could have been. Everything he wanted was so simple, yet he continually brought himself only harm.

"Dad, maybe my attitude towards you at that time was too excessive, but I also saw my mother lying in a pool of blood, and I was afraid. I didn’t wish for any accident to happen to her; you know how much I’ve longed for my mom’s safety over the years, how much I wished for my grandparents to return to my side. You can understand that urgent feeling, because you have the same thoughts as me. Like you said, I shouldn’t push all the blame onto you. I don’t have the duty to make you bear all the pain, yet I’m always so selfish and self-centered. I never considered the consequences of what I said, always thinking that whatever I did was right. I always believed that regardless of what I said, my parents could tolerate me. But now that I think about it, I had no reason to impose all the pain on my father. You are my dad; I have no right or reason to do that."

For speaking to you in that tone, I truly feel very sorry. Perhaps deep down you no longer consider me your good son, but people always change. I also hope you would think carefully, have you really considered my mother’s feelings recently? Even just a little bit? You always think about achieving your own goals, your own purposes in everything you do, but you forget that your family also needs your company, your care, and your protection.

If my words to you yesterday caused you harm, made you feel unsatisfied deep inside.

You can hit me, scold me, say whatever you want, but please don’t take it out on my mother in any other way. She can’t bear such a blow; she has already ended up like this. I’m really worried something might happen to her; I cannot bear any kind of risk. Just hope you would really think about what your actions have brought to your family? Whether each decision you made was right or wrong? Haven’t you figured it out by now?"

Life goes round and round, just like how the earth is round, ultimately returning to the starting point.

"Child, I know every word you say and everything you do is for the good of every family member. But the way you handle things is too extreme; it renders everyone unable to accept the outcomes of such methods. You only think about your own matters, but you forget that everyone has their own responsibilities and duties, things they ought to do. If I chose to stay by your mother’s side forever and do nothing at all, just following her around every day, do you think this family would still have an economic source? Do you think we could still live in the comfort we do now? Why don’t you think about the confusion and torment your actions might bring to your family? You always believe your ideals are correct, that only you have ideals, and everyone else doesn’t?

As a father, even now at my age, I have dreams too. I also hope my family can live happily and joyfully. But everything I do can’t seem to fulfill that wish; do you think there’s any meaning to what I do? I’ve only repeatedly transformed my pain and hurt into another mode, bringing it to everyone around me. I only wish each family member could live happily and peacefully, yet what have you given me in return but repeated doubt and suspicion!

If you truly want to be good to someone but find out in the end that all they have for you is suspicion and nothing else, do you think you’d feel good deep inside? I believe you’d find it hard to accept too. If that’s the case, why emphasize all those things on me, your father? I have my responsibilities. I gave birth to you, raised you. Now you have your own path, your own things, which I can’t interfere with, but she is my wife. I still have grandparents and parents at home to care for. Don’t I need to work?

Sometimes, what’s seen with the eyes isn’t the whole truth, and what’s heard with the ears isn’t the whole truth either. We should try to think in reverse about whether our actions were wrong. Don’t always think everything you do is right; do you really think that’s the correct course of action?"

"I don’t want to argue with you any further. I just want you to know that my mother has become the way she is now, and she cannot be left alone. If she were, it would only feel very dangerous; she might have suicidal tendencies at any moment. If she attempted again and no one discovered her, she could indeed be lost. How would we regret it then? No one can ensure that such an accident won’t happen again. We just need one person by her side, keeping her company safely. Is that too difficult?

I know you’re busy with countless things, your own matters. If you really are unwilling to stay and watch over my mother, I can stay. I’ll be here with her every moment. Even if it means not sleeping, not eating, I will keep watch until she’s healthy and recovered. I’m scared, scared of losing her, scared of losing any family member. Don’t think I am strong inside; in truth, I am very fragile. I’m afraid of everyone in the world leaving me, even if it’s someone insignificant, even if it’s just someone who said one sentence to me. My heart will feel stifled for a very long time."

Maybe only by breaking the norm can one walk the path they truly want to follow...