My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1236 - 1065: A Heart Moving Forward

What is the true meaning of living? Where does the meaning of life lie?

Life is like this, making you lose what you cherish most time and time again, only to realize how much you truly care about it. When you had it before, no one ever considered what the outcome might be. Why is everyone so selfish, always ignoring others’ comfort for their own ideas?

Throughout one’s life, they will encounter great things, yet ultimately, everyone will only receive pain. Some give everything for themselves again and again, but no one knows how they truly lived this life.

Who has ever thought about how they spent their life? Enduring suffering repeatedly, who has considered how to bear it all? Constantly facing deadly blows, does anyone know the latest pain? During the day, I use work to numb myself, but at night, what can I use to numb myself? Missing grows deeper with each passing day, and eventually, I’ve become a walking corpse, not knowing what I should gain. No one knows what kind of ending I will face in this life.

Perhaps life is just like this, enduring suffering, ultimately experiencing separation from love. But do you really know how you came to be in this life? People steam in pain repeatedly, accumulating scars again and again. Who knows what kind of hurt they will receive? Everyone’s life is like this, yet ultimately, because of their actions, they end up in the deepest pains of despair without escape. Everyone is like this, who knows what kind of life satisfies one’s desires?

Greedy people have no good outcome; people are always so greedy.

Many people’s hearts are innately greedy. Some would use any means to harm their loved ones for their own benefit, while others would give everything again and again for those who bring them happiness and joy.

Zhang Zhentian truly doesn’t know how to comfort his wife. He knows she has truly fallen into the abyss of pain and cannot escape. No one can save him. He is awakened by nightmares again and again in the night; she repeatedly makes decisive choices in her life just to wait for the one in her heart to turn back and glance at him, to accompany her even for just a day. Is the human heart really so fragile? Why does it always withstand the erosion of time so poorly? Time changes everything, making them insignificant and vulnerable.

Xia Jing also understands what Zhang Zhentian is thinking. After so many years as husband and wife, sharing a bed, how could there be no thoughts or understanding at all? Without even the basic understanding, what is the point of living together for so many years? Even if they were together not because of love, after so many years, there would still be some relative understanding. Often, the person who knows you best is not your friend but your enemy. You may not understand yourself, but do you know how much those around you understand you? They dedicate a major part of their life to understanding you, just for the day they can bring you down completely. But you don’t realize that through understanding you so well, they might ultimately help you. Human hearts never exchange for each other; only when hurt and tortured repetitively do we discover it’s all in vain.

"Xia Jing, maybe what I say now doesn’t reach you, but I want you to know that as your husband, I will never hurt you.

Throughout these years, my genuine affection for you, have you felt it at all? Over these years, I have given so much for you, have you felt anything?"

"Indeed, the greatest pain in the world is watching your beloved leave, one person after another abandoning you. You can only stand helplessly, with no one able to understand the bitterness in my heart over these years. Who has truly experienced and understood it? You all think I am selfish because I care only about my ideas and thoughts, ignoring others’ opinions. But do you know? When you face me repeatedly, my heart is in agony. When you accuse me repeatedly, my heart feels so innocent. I also want to live happily, but I have no way out!

I have given so much, yet I have gained nothing. I gave everything, only to receive indifference from him. Do you know how speechless I am inside? I’m exhausted; sometimes I just want to close my eyes and never wake up again, sometimes I want to go into hibernation at that moment, never able to live happily again. I just want to sleep forever and never wake up, but when I open my eyes, all I see is the abyss, reaching into the darkness. Do you know that feeling? Do you know that void? No one knows!"

"You always feel your pain is the greatest in the world, thinking no one else can experience what you do. But do you know? You are not the only one in the world going through such suffering. Who hasn’t endured pain to grow? Although all of this ultimately leaves us scarred and joyless, do you know how much I care, hoping you can stay by my side, just as you hope your beloved stays by yours? I’m just like you. The loneliness and solitude in the pitch-black night, the frustration, make my heart collapse again and again..."

Inside, I have never had any thoughts, never knowing what I truly want. I’ve never thought about whether my actions are right or wrong!