My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1155 - 1015: Keep it up

"Dad, Mom, I’ve thought so many times about what kind of situation I might end up in, but today I’ve come to understand that no matter what difficulties I face in the future, I won’t give up. He resides deep in my heart; he is the most important person to me. There was a time when I hurt him, and I don’t know why I acted that way back then, causing him such harm that he may never forgive me in this lifetime.

Dad, Mom, so if one day I ultimately choose to hurt someone, then I hope that person will always be me, not him. Now that I’ve seen him leave my side, I realize how much I truly love him. I’m willing to pay any price for him, yet now I have nothing. My once happy family is now in ruins. I don’t know how to walk the path ahead, nor do I know what kind of responsibility I should bear and which road I should take. Never did I imagine that one day I would become like this."

"I know you once argued because of money, and I know everything you did, but you never gave up believing in me, and I will strive to walk towards the brightest path of my life."

"It turns out you always thought I was with you because of money, but you don’t understand me. What I want isn’t like that at all; I just wanted to live with the man I love the most. When I reached my ideal goal, at the moment I married the man I love the most, I realized I was content with my life!

But all of this, in your eyes, might seem trivial, yet to me, it’s of utmost importance. I can bear you ignoring me over and over again, I can bear your doubts about me time and again, I can bear the times when you almost were never by my side when I needed you. But I cannot bear you wronging me over and over again, refusing to give me even the most basic trust.

Over the years, in the eyes of outsiders, people think we are a loving couple. But in reality, how have you treated me, don’t you have any idea in your heart? No matter how I try to please you, you always gloss over it with a smile, do you know that? Sometimes I really feel hurt, and I also feel like a failure. Why do I treat the person I love so genuinely, only to end up with this result? Why does the person I truly love never want to tell me he loves me?

I can no longer discern what’s true and what’s false, but what I want isn’t much. I’m begging you, don’t take away my right to happiness time and time again. I just want to be with you. For you, I’ve changed so much, yet ultimately I’ve discovered no matter how I change, I’ll never be good enough for you. Because your education is different from mine, your upbringing is different from mine, everything about you is different from me—your worldview, values, ideals—all are different. But do you know? It’s because of these differences that I followed in your footsteps. I’ve tried to adapt to your worldview, and though your values differ from mine, I tried to change my own values to match yours.

Do you really consider these things so insignificant? Do you think I am born to be despicable and should treat you this way, while you are meant to be elevated on a pedestal, and I, as your wife, must be trampled underfoot, never to rise again?

Yichen, I now have no way to determine how you really feel about us. Your indifference is driving me to the verge of collapse at times. I don’t know what I should do, or what attitude I should adopt when facing you. Clearly, many things aren’t my fault, but for the sake of your so-called pride, to make you happy, I choose to bow my head and admit blame again and again. Yet in the end, I find that no matter how weak I am, to you, you never care about my feelings. Why is what I want so hard to achieve?

When I keep asking you the same questions, you always avoid them. When we encounter issues, and I want to get to the bottom of them, you choose to wrongly accuse me without distinguishing right from wrong. Do you really trust me? Have you truly considered me as family in your heart? On the day you confessed to me, in the years you were genuinely kind to me, I treated you as family, yet you treated me as a tool to use."

"I’ve never considered you as a tool for use; I just want you to stay home steadily, not to wander around. I don’t distrust you, but the mistakes you’ve made make it hard for me to trust you. I’m also afraid, afraid that one day the past events might repeat themselves; I can’t bear that kind of hurt. Why? You’ve hurt me so many times. Do you now know what it feels like to be distrusted?"

"When I was with you, I told you every truth with all my heart. I was completely trustful of you, never doubting you. But you never believed in me. Perhaps you think I’m despicable for always doing things according to your wishes. Even when many things weren’t my fault, why did I have to bear all the blame just to make you happy?

I’ve thought about it repeatedly for a long time, trying hard to find a suitable conclusion. Then I finally understood, the reason I did all this was simply because I loved you, but in the end, I received such consequences. Do you really know me? You always think I’m with you because of Xiao Jing, the wealth and power. There are so many people in the world, so many rich people, who can give me wholehearted trust. So why do I still choose to be with you? Because I believe that one day, by changing myself, I can warm your heart which has grown cold because of me."

"Remember you once said your heart was dead, and you’d never love again. Yet you are with me. I don’t know if you’re with me to torture me or to use me?

Why treat me like this? Why can’t you give me a stable life? Why can’t you trust me again and again, distrust me again and again? To you, it may be nothing, but for me, it’s a mortal pain..."

"Zhihan, some things are already past. Let’s not talk about them anymore. Aren’t you living a stable life now? Why do you still want to provoke those people from the past? You clearly know they don’t have good intentions, yet why do you still do this? You’re clearly testing my patience.

My patience is limited; I can’t endlessly tolerate you or love you unconditionally. I just want you to be well, just like you sincerely being with me, with no one else in your heart. But can you really do that? If you can, then I need nothing at all."

"Now it’s too late for you to say these things to me. Since you’ve wrongly accused me without any distinction, without even a word of apology, why should I forgive you now?

Actually, what I really want to ask you is, on what grounds did you wrongfully accuse me in your heart without any distinction? What do I mean to you then? Why do you make mistakes, and when you wrongly accuse people without discrimination, can you not even give one apology? Do you really have the right to be so arrogant? Just because you have money?"

"It’s not my investigation into you, but I know all the things you’ve quarreled about. You don’t have to think all this is a coincidence, nor should you think I’m a subtle-minded person. I just don’t want the dearest ones to me to encounter even a little bit of harm!"