My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1142 - 1002: The Road of No Return

Zhang Zhentian never imagined that one day he would speak to his child in this manner. He used to think it was very difficult to converse with his child in this way, but now it seems simple. As he reached this goal, he gradually became lazy. Perhaps he worked hard for the sake of his purpose. If there’s no goal, what’s the point of moving forward? He’s very confused. He once dedicated a lot to his wife, and now he deeply feels it, but his wife did not love their son as much as their daughter-in-law did. His wife always dreamt of escaping to live a carefree life elsewhere, never paying attention to the family. He has become numb, unsure of what kind of life he truly wants. Step by step, he brings only the heaviest pain to everyone around him.

Now, Zhang Zhentian seems to realize he’s wrong. He falls to his knees before his father, pleading for forgiveness. But as a father, is forgiving one’s child ever that easy? He once caused him the heaviest pain, but what did his father ever receive? Time after time, he brought nothing but harm. In his eyes, he is the greatest failure of all—an incompetent father, an unqualified son. He truly doesn’t know why he exists in this world. To anger his father or abandon his child?

"Dad, I’m sorry. I truly realize my mistakes. I never thought I’d change into this current state. Back then, I looked at you with innocence. I always believed that leaving home would grant me the love and marriage I desired. But in the end, everything was mere passing clouds. I couldn’t keep my woman by my side; perhaps in the depths of her heart, someone else was more important than me. As a man, I am a failure. As a husband, I’m also a failure. As a father, I am a failure. As a son, I’m even more of a failure. I’ve never achieved the life I truly desired.

My life is a chaotic mess; I don’t want my child’s future to be even more miserable.

No one has ever thought about the efforts I’ve put in. Perhaps, in others’ eyes, they’re not even worth mentioning. Who could understand all of my initial intentions from every mistake I’ve made? Who could consider what all my past actions were for from my perspective? Others never change their views of me because a mistake is a mistake. In your eyes, there’s no distinction between wrongs. Any mistake, no matter what, is always just a mistake.

Dad, I’m really sorry about this. As a son, I’ve never been filial to you, nor have I ever been there for you. Every day, you worry yourself sick over me, yet I’ve never been satisfied. I blame all the bad results on you. But you, how innocent you are! You have put aside everything for me. Yet I’ve never thought about what I should have done, what attitude I should have had toward you in this life."

"I don’t need you to apologize to me; I don’t need your repentance before me. I just want you to honestly answer me: If you were given another chance, would you choose to continue living this way, or would you choose to live a life full of honesty and dignity? So many times I’ve wondered, what if you never left this home? If you stayed, I could forgive you endlessly.

You know? After one’s heart is scarred, no matter what others do, it’s useless. It won’t cause this person pain anymore; their heart has cooled. That’s how my heart is now. I’ve given everything for you, but in your eyes, I’m just your father. You never considered me as a father. Who knows why I say everything is for us? How difficult it is for me to live, how tough my situation is! No one considers how hard I’ve endured every burden. I once thought, if only everyone could live happily, I could give up everything.

When I was ill in the hospital, at the brink of death, and was burning with anxiety time and again for you, where were you? As my descendants, how did you treat me? Did you really view me as your father?

Regardless of anything, I’ve raised you all these years. No matter how dissatisfied you’ve been with me, and regardless of how you’ve viewed me and our relationship, you should at least consider my perspective. When others ask me where my child is, how am I supposed to respond? Should I truthfully say my child abandoned me for freedom, or should I say they left for their wife, abandoning this home? How can I speak of this? I bear all the pain silently on my own.

The pain I’ve endured sometimes makes me wish your child could make you experience once, but I can’t bear that. I can’t bear to have my child repeat the past; that would be too painful.

The guilt deep inside Zhang Zhentian grows more vivid. He never realized, up to this point, his father is still considering him and the relationship between himself and his son. Reflecting on how much he hated this home to treat his father in this way. Though his mother passed away so early, it was his father who worked hard to raise him, yet he hurt him like this. Every action was never right, leading step by step to here. He has forgotten what he once desired most.

Perhaps if time could start over, he could take a good look at the world, make new choices, and never walk the same path again.