My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1138 - 998 Cruelty

"Actually, the moment you left this home, I felt you were truly cruel to your child. He was so young; how could you be so heartless to abandon him? Didn’t you realize how difficult life would be for him, watching him leave bloody footprints with every step? Do you know, as an elder, I found it unbearable. I watched how he endured the most difficult years, how he grew up, experiencing things that no one else ever could. Yet he never complained.

Because deep inside, he understood better than anyone else that complaining wouldn’t solve anything. The outcome he faced in this life could only be the result of the repeated harm brought by his family. If the hurt was inflicted by others, he might not care as much, but since it was his parents who caused it, he couldn’t forget. It was a wound deep in his heart and soul.

If one day he could look at all the issues from his own perspective, he might not live so wearily as he does now.

Perhaps to you, the way he lives today is due to his own efforts, or maybe it’s because of the blows you dealt him, making him like this as a parent. But who knows, the moment his parents left him, no matter his age, no matter if he understood everything, it was always a deep soul wound for a child. He couldn’t easily forget all the hurt. Even if one day you restore all mutual trust, even if you resolve all misunderstandings, you would still be unable to return to your original state.

I’m not saying all this today to express anything specific; I just hope you clearly realize that from the moment you chose to leave your child, whether you can return to his side or not, he won’t depend on you like before. He won’t give you all his trust like before, because you don’t know that the day he chose to give you all his trust, you chose not to believe him but to betray him. How should a child bear the harm inflicted by his parents? That is a deep soul wound that could be a scar he can never heal in his lifetime. You always viewed it from your perspective, but who ever considered what kind of ridicule he would face on his path to growth?"

Xia Jing felt deeply hurt as she listened to Zhang Mo’s words. Was this really a mistake she had made in the past? Why did this mistake bring such a blow to her offspring? If she had considered her family a bit more back then, would things be different now?

Why had she lived so selfishly and why couldn’t she erase the pain she brought to her family? What had she done, and for what intention had led her to this point?

"Dad, I never intended to come to this path. Step by step, I’ve ended up like this, and even I can’t believe it. I don’t dare to admit this was a result of my choices. I can’t believe the heavy damage I’ve brought to my family. In my eyes, as long as I was happy and achieved my goals, it didn’t matter to hurt my family because I didn’t care. But later, I realized things weren’t as simple as I thought. I should have taken responsibility and faced my obligations instead of avoiding them repeatedly. Avoidance is not the way to solve problems.

Now, thinking of the harm I’ve caused my child, I can’t believe this is something a mother would do. I was really numb. I don’t know why I became like this or what led me to this inevitable path. Step by step, I made my life different, climbed to the pinnacle of my life, but I lost everything. Originally, I thought I had a family, a child, the whole world, even a happiness that was unattainable for others. But now it seems I’ve lost everything except for my freedom.

If one day I could return to my former self, I wouldn’t be in this state today. If I had realized earlier, seen through the worldly warmth and coldness earlier, and acted on my deepest desires, I wouldn’t be in such pain now. I never imagined that one day I’d end up like this. I used to fear a cucumber; I didn’t know which path was right for me. I’ve made my life different. If one day I could return to my former state, it would mean the person I love most had left me. I’ve lost everything and no longer have the courage to venture out like before, not the reckless freedom or the courage and capital to live. Now, I have nothing but my child, yet he is far away from me, his heart not with me. My actions have hurt him deeply. Even if I stand right in front of him, he might not consider me his mother. For a mother, this is the greatest failure in life. I’ve failed so much that my child no longer wants to acknowledge me as his mother, thinking of leaving me repeatedly, shutting me out forever from this home.

In such a situation, who can imagine the feelings of a mother at this moment? Who can understand the despair deep within me? I’m scared, lonely, and every decision I’ve made torments me. I never thought I would one day become the person I am now, neither human nor ghost."