My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1131 - 991: Letting Go is Not Easy

"Child, you really never knew how ruthless and decisive I was back then to make your father let go. I thought that if I could just force them to let go, I could live happily ever after. But in reality, things weren’t like that at all, and I was outrageously wrong. I always thought my selfish desires could be easily forgiven by him, but in the end, I realized it was all just my wishful thinking. Why should he forgive me time and again when all I’ve given him is suffering and torment, and what I’ve received is nothing but pain and hurt, seen through the cold eyes of others?"

Xia Jing heard the tone in her husband’s voice and knew that her actions had thoroughly enraged him. Why did she still continue to do this? Step by step, she pushed every single person who loved her to the brink, time and time again driving all who loved her completely away. What benefits could she possibly gain from this? Eventually, isn’t it herself who ends up in unbearable pain? But why could she never learn to bow her head, give up all her dignity and principles for a man, yet when it came to her current husband, she couldn’t do anything?

For Zhang Zhengping, whenever he heard his wife talk about how much she loved that man in front of him, he felt an inexplicable fire in his heart. He wanted to unleash that fire on his wife, but he had no way to do it. He knew that if he did, he would be no better than a beast. Every time he heard these things, his heart was so angry and unwilling—why, after all these years and so much devotion, could he get nothing in return except to be used?

Sometimes he really didn’t know what he meant in his wife’s eyes. Could she not show him even a little compliance? Did she have to push him step by step to the edge until she was satisfied, happy, and joyful?

Why was it that other people’s hearts could never be exchanged for? How much more did he have to give to return everything to what it once was? He only wanted to meet her before anyone else, to win her heart, not just a fragment of it. If, in this lifetime, all he could have was a fragment of her, turning him into a walking corpse, then why not let go and let her seek whom she truly loves? But then what about the family’s interests? What would become of his father’s century-old reputation built over so many years? Why did he have to face such a choice? Did he really want much? Just having the one he loved by his side was enough. But why did Heaven keep cruelly joking with him again and again?

Perhaps these jokes seemed trivial to others, just a small matter, but to him, they were deep-seated pain. The woman he wanted stood before him, yet he could not have her but watch helplessly as she thought about and spoke of that man, someone who was never him. How unfair it felt! Couldn’t Heaven grant him just a little fairness, even a bit, to hold a place in her heart?

Hatred often accumulates bit by bit like this. Zhang Zhentian now hated Heaven and everyone who treated her poorly. He didn’t know what to do. He had once forsaken his entire family for a woman, yet in the end, the man she loved wasn’t him. How mocking was this when spoken of? Why could he never win genuine affection from others after so many years?

"Xia Jing, Xia Jing, I don’t want to ask anything else, just one question: all these years, did you really never love me, not even a little? Didn’t I stir your heart at all? I gave so much for you, and you never felt even a tiny bit of it? Do you know how heartbroken your words made me? I genuinely don’t want much, just to have you stay by my side in my eyes, to endure grievances is also okay. I gave up everything for you, why do you hit me with such a heavy blow? In your heart, what am I? Not even a Servant?"

Even a stranger would be touched by such devotion and feel gratitude, but why couldn’t he see her feelings for him? All he saw was her disgust. Did he really mean so little to her? For him, she could give up everything, abandon her life, but for him, she couldn’t. She cornered him over and over, leaving no way out, while she never had the heart to force him, but only wished for his happiness. What about him? Did he deserve all this pain? He wasn’t a Saint; he also hoped to be cherished by his wife, but she never gave him that. Even when he lay beside her, he knew she was thinking of someone else, and learning the truth later, the blow to him was immense."

"I sincerely wanted to tell you to let go. Why would you sacrifice so much for me? I didn’t ignore your devotion; I simply didn’t know how to respond. Everyone has their own torment, you know? Mine is deep and painful; I truly don’t want much, just a simple life. But over the years, what have you given me? Have you given me that simple and ordinary life? Wandering the world with you was fulfilling, but it wasn’t happiness. My happiest and most joyful moments were with him. Do you know? When with him, I would unconsciously reveal the happiest smiles from my heart, but that was never the case with you!"

"In your eyes, I am such a nobody. To you, I am just a fool without a worth. Don’t you know how much I changed for you, time and time again, to please you? I gave up everything I loved, only to receive your distrust. No matter what I do, I can never compare to him. If so, why did you initially involve me? If you didn’t love me, why choose to be with me, only to end with such a profound blow? Now my life has no joy, is this what you truly see and want?"

I really can’t believe it!"

Watching him, step by step, push one who cherished him onto a delirious path, I realized that day just how incredibly wrong I was. Letting go was never easy. I once thought that as long as two people had no emotional base, they could easily let go. But who would have thought that feelings could develop over time? I never imagined that during the time he accompanied me diligently, he fell deeply and irretrievably, while I, gradually, was moved. But he never knew all my inner thoughts during that moment."