novelraw Chapter 102: Cannot Hold His Head Up
Chapter 102: Cannot Hold His Head Up
"Didn’t Xiao Cao say he could handle responsibility? This is perfect. Let’s send him to the front lines to get some experience."
"This is your chance, Xiao Cao. You have to seize it!"
The leader patted his shoulder and urged him earnestly.
"Sir, I..."
Cao Daqiang opened his mouth, his throat dry.
He knew the situation, of course. The front lines were fraught with danger—constant aftershocks and destroyed roads.
Landslides and mudslides could happen at any moment. It was life-threatening.
He wanted no part of it and wished he could refuse right then and there.
But he knew better than to say it out loud.
If he refused, not only would his hopes for a promotion be dashed, but he’d also be branded a coward who backed down from the front line, completely losing his superior’s trust.
If it were some minor post, somewhere safe where he could still make a name for himself...
...he would have been the first to sign up, long before now.
This time, it was just too serious.
One small mistake, and he could lose his life.
Even if he was lucky enough to survive without any major injuries, the ordeal would still take its toll.
In Cao Daqiang’s eyes, this wasn’t an assignment at all.
It was a completely losing proposition.
"I really can’t get away, sir."
His voice was low, and his delivery was convincing.
"My kid is still young, only in first grade. I’m the only one who can handle taking him to and from school every day. My wife’s health hasn’t been good either. She just had a check-up a while ago and they found some issues. If I leave now, she won’t even be able to manage cooking for herself, let alone taking care of our child."
He said all this without a trace of shame on his face.
"Well... alright then."
The leader was silent for a moment, his voice somewhat low.
"I’ll find someone else. You just stay home and focus on your family. Taking care of them is the biggest support you can give our unit."
The disappointment on the leader’s face was obvious, impossible to hide.
Cao Daqiang wanted to explain further, to say that he wasn’t really shirking his duty, that his family situation was genuinely difficult.
But just as the words reached his lips, the leader raised a hand.
"Xiao Cao, you should head back. I have a pile of things to deal with here. The list needs to be finalized as soon as possible; we can’t delay any longer."
"Alright, sir. I’ll be going then."
Cao Daqiang nodded respectfully and turned to leave the office.
The moment he stepped out, he could feel the atmosphere in the entire building had changed.
Footsteps hurried down the hallway.
Many people were voluntarily rushing to the command room to ask for deployment.
Meanwhile, his wife, Liu Yingzi, was at home, busy as a bee.
She thought that after all the effort her husband had put in to get transferred back from the border defense post...
...now that such a rare opportunity to distinguish himself had come along, he surely wouldn’t let it slip by.
She waited for him to come home, full of anticipation, ready to give him a good dose of encouragement.
But she never expected that the moment he walked in the door, Cao Daqiang would say so casually,
"I’m not going."
Liu Yingzi froze, the clothes in her hands nearly falling to the floor.
"What do you mean you’re not going?"
She snapped her head up, her voice suddenly sharp and high, her eyes wide with shock.
"This is such a rare opportunity! So many people couldn’t get this even if they begged for it! If you go to the front, perform well, earn some merit, get an outstanding commendation, a promotion is practically guaranteed, right? How can you just say you’re not going?"
She was truly frantic.
But what she didn’t know was that a heavy mountain was weighing on Cao Daqiang’s heart.
He was afraid of dying.
Not the kind of fear you just talk about, but a dread that was bone-deep.
He was even more afraid of losing face.
If his cowardice was exposed in front of everyone, he’d never be able to hold his head up at work again. For the rest of his life, people would talk behind his back.
He also had an old injury on his foot, a lingering problem from his training days.
But he had never reported it, terrified that if people found out, he’d be classified as unfit for duty.
If he went to the disaster zone this time, and his foot injury flared up under the high-intensity work...
...and people discovered he had trouble getting around, how could he possibly manage?
His name would probably never even appear on a promotion list again.
"Think about it," he said, avoiding his wife’s gaze as his tone shifted and he began fabricating an excuse. "Several people from the Ling Family are involved, and they’ll definitely be charging to the front. Every one of them has a spotless record and a powerful background."
"Tell me, if they see me on the front lines, won’t they think I’m trying to avoid them? Won’t they take the opportunity to make things difficult for me? They could gossip about me behind my back, or even write reports to get me in trouble."
He packaged his inner fear as cautiousness, making it all sound perfectly reasonable, and in the end, even managed to shift the blame onto Liu Yingzi.
"You’re always pushing me to charge forward, but have you ever thought about what our lives would be like if I get targeted?"
After hearing him out, Liu Yingzi actually believed him.
Her brow furrowed and she bit her lip, lost in thought.
"But this opportunity is so rare..."
she murmured, her voice full of regret.
"Who knows how many years it’ll be before another major event like this comes along. If you back down now, you’ll regret it later when it’s too late. Are you really going to lose out on something big for something so small?"
But Cao Daqiang just scoffed, straightened up, and his expression grew confident.
"How could there be no more opportunities?"
"With my abilities, which the leadership has clearly seen, there will be plenty of chances to prove myself in the future. Do I really have to get mixed up with that bunch from the Ling family, rushing to throw my life away?"
As he spoke, he even raised a hand and patted his chest firmly.
"A wise man doesn’t stand under a crumbling wall. I can climb the ladder just fine without getting involved with the Ling Family."
Cao Daqiang’s gaze was firm, his tone carrying a hint of deliberate calm.
Before she could reply, he immediately changed the subject.
"By the way, did you hear anything back about that doctor I asked you to find?"
He turned his head, his eyes avoiding hers.
"You’re still bringing that up?"
Liu Yingzi was so angry she threw the clothes she had just folded onto the bed.
"Didn’t the doctors all say the same thing? There’s nothing wrong with your foot, you’re just fixated on it in your head!"
She tugged hard at the corner of her shirt as she spoke.
"I think you just stare at that foot every day, and the more you look at it, the more you convince yourself something’s wrong."
"The doctors are right, this is a psychological problem!"
"It’s real pain, so how can it be psychological?"
Cao Daqiang exploded at her words, shooting up from his chair.
It sounded as if she was accusing him of faking his illness to be lazy.
"It’s not your body that’s in pain, so of course you don’t think it’s a big deal, right!"
The more he spoke, the angrier he got, and countless thoughts flashed through his mind.
’I should just stomp on it and ruin this foot for good.’
’That way, I wouldn’t have to pretend to be strong anymore, and I wouldn’t have to struggle to keep up appearances in front of others.’
The thought was fleeting, tinged with a self-destructive despair.
But it was just a thought.
’Actually cripple myself?’
He didn’t have the guts.
He was afraid of the pain, and afraid he might truly never be able to walk again.
"That’s not what I meant at all!"
Liu Yingzi’s head shot up, her eyes instantly turning red.
"You’re the one who kept clamoring to see a doctor! Haven’t I found you enough of them? Didn’t every single one say the same thing?"
Cao Daqiang was furious, his face flushed crimson.
But Liu Yingzi felt even more wronged. Tears welled up, but she fought desperately to keep them from falling.
In the past, when things were good between them, Cao Daqiang would have tried to console her.
Back then, their home had laughter, no matter how poor they were.
Now, she was lucky if he didn’t hit her with a few sarcastic remarks.
She no longer dared to hope for his comfort; she only prayed for one less rebuke.
She was afraid that if she cried, he would just say their daughter was delicate and prone to tears, just like her.