novelraw Chapter 288: Just Repay Me with Yourself
Chapter 288: Just Repay Me with Yourself
He had seen right through her, and Xu Su averted her gaze, a bit flustered.
Just then, the housekeeper brought over a glass of milk. Xu Su took it and took a small sip, easing her tension before she spoke. "I just... I didn’t expect that three years ago, when we had just met, you..."
From her perspective, Zhou Mochen’s affection seemed to come out of nowhere. How could he meet a sixteen-year-old girl a few times and immediately consider her one of his own, an equal?
Xu Su gave a bitter smile. ’I’m really scared...’
’Other people would probably have a hard time understanding why I’d be scared of my boyfriend’s feelings running so deep.’
This kind of possessive love was far too obsessive and heavy for Xu Su. It was like a net. If their relationship continued to go well, and she obediently stayed within the web of love he’d woven for her, then everything would be perfect.
But...
It wasn’t that Xu Su had other ideas. She was sure she liked Zhou Mochen very much and genuinely wanted a future with him. But she was terrified of this feeling of having no escape route.
In the six months she’d been with Zhou Mochen, she had, of course, been happy. Her boyfriend doted on her unconditionally, spoiled her rotten, and always considered her thoughts and feelings first, no matter the situation.
But this love was a double-edged sword. It meant Xu Su was on a one-way street with no turning back. Zhou Mochen wouldn’t allow her to turn around, wouldn’t allow her to deviate. Even entertaining a stray thought might trigger a backlash.
’If I ever considered turning back, what would this gentle, considerate man become...?’
Xu Su’s mind was a mess. She truly liked him, but she also felt utterly suffocated. ’This must be what happens when two people have such unequal status.’
’If Zhou Mochen were just an ordinary person, I’d have the power to end the relationship at any time. Then, no matter how obsessive his love was, I would at most feel pressured, not afraid...’
She could only keep these thoughts to herself. It was too difficult to explain to Zhou Mochen the pressure his affection placed on her. Saying it out loud would make it sound like she was constantly thinking about breaking up.
’I haven’t thought about breaking up. But some things... even if I never do them, I have to have the option...’
But Zhou Mochen’s feelings shocked her time and time again, forcing Xu Su to admit he would never give her that choice.
’When the power to decide the fate of a relationship is held by only one person, it’s inherently unfair. And under such unfair circumstances, how can I be expected to calmly accept a love so intense it borders on obsession?’
Xu Su downed the rest of her milk, then tugged on Zhou Mochen’s arm, leaning her head against him with a sigh. "I’m feeling... complicated."
Zhou Mochen pulled her onto his lap, his tone soft and coaxing. "Complicated how?"
"It’s hard to say..." ’It would make me sound like a terrible person,’ she thought. But besides the pressure, she also felt a strange sense of unease.
Xu Su wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest. "Zhou Mochen, you’re such a successful businessman. So why are you so foolish when it comes to investing in emotions? Don’t you feel like you’re getting a bad deal, loving someone this much?"
’My temper was awful for those two years. Because of my past life’s memories, I was always so cold and sarcastic toward him. I rarely gave him a pleasant look.’
’Putting myself in his shoes... if Zhou Mochen had treated me the way I treated him back then, my heart would have shattered...’
"It’s a losing investment, but there’s nothing to be done. I figured it out a long time ago. You’re my bane. The moment I met you, it was out of my hands."
Zhou Mochen said with a sigh of resignation, "Xu Su, to be honest, sometimes I think I’m pretty pathetic myself."
Xu Su’s eyes widened. She couldn’t comprehend how the word "pathetic" could ever be associated with Zhou Mochen.
’Even if I made him cry a few times, he was the Crown Prince! A guy whose very tears smelled of money. How could he possibly be pathetic?’
"You don’t get it?" Zhou Mochen watched her quietly for a moment, his lips twitching. "If you could understand just how much I love you, maybe you would."
"If I’d had the foresight three years ago, if I’d known coming to Chang City meant running into a little menace like you, I would’ve given the entire city a wide berth..."
A sense of resentment still lingered. Zhou Mochen started to say something harsh, but he couldn’t even get the words out. He stopped, staring at her for a long moment before suddenly grabbing her chin and leaning in to kiss her.
Xu Su had just finished a glass of milk, and he drank in the rich, milky flavor mixed with her own unique scent.
His hand tightened on the back of her head. All she could do was let out a small whimper. One of her hands rested limply on his shoulder, with no strength to push him away. Her other hand was pinned, and her mind went completely blank.
After a long moment, Zhou Mochen released her, breathing heavily. He gazed down at the girl in his arms, his expression unreadable as his fingers traced her lips, now rosy and swollen from his kiss.
’She has no idea how captivating she looks right now.’
’Her eyes still held an innocent confusion, yet they were tinged with a girlish coquettishness. The corners of her eyes were red and glistening from the kiss. She looked so pure, yet so desirable...’
Zhou Mochen adored this look on her. He rained more kisses down on her, even as his heart throbbed with a dull ache.
’Just the thought that *that person* had also seen her like this, had kissed her just like this, kissed her until she was weak and pliant, maybe even...’
The thought made him grit his teeth in hatred.
’How could I ever let that go?’
’It’s all just self-deception!’
But, to make that person vanish completely from their lives, he couldn’t show a hint of it, no matter how impossible it was for him to truly move on.
’At the very least, I have to make Xu Su believe that I’ve truly forgotten, so she won’t be reminded of him...’
He would often laugh at himself internally. ’This insecure, pathetically servile version of myself is just pitiful.’
He was like a gambler at the end of his rope, clinging to some ridiculous expectation at the table, hoping she would be a little more resolute, give him a little more in return, just enough to let him recoup some of his losses...
An unbearable, twisting pain seized his heart. Expressionless, Zhou Mochen pressed a kiss to Xu Su’s forehead and spoke, his tone eerily calm. "If love is a business transaction, then loving you is the worst deal I’ve ever made in my life. I’ve lost everything, right down to my initial investment."
He let out a self-deprecating laugh. "Don’t be afraid of me, Xu Su. Don’t you be afraid of me at all, you hear? If I had it in me to be cruel to you, I wouldn’t be in such a passive position."
’Afraid of him?’
Of course Xu Su wasn’t afraid of *him*. What truly scared her was his love—a love so heavy it felt pathological.
She was afraid she couldn’t bear the weight of it. She was afraid of future hardships. She had no confidence in herself.
Xu Su felt her throat go dry. She didn’t dare to imagine what would happen if, one day, she suddenly decided she wanted to break up. Zhou Mochen...
’No, no!’
"I’m not afraid of you." Xu Su quickly pushed aside those dangerous thoughts, scratching her head in frustration. "I just feel a little pressured. You don’t understand. It’s... it’s the feeling that I’ll never be able to repay you. Do you get it?"
"Never be able to repay me?" Zhou Mochen let out a soft laugh, but there was no humor in his eyes. He just looked at her. "Xu Su, I’m not asking you to repay me with anything. Just give me yourself. That’s all the repayment I need. As long as you don’t develop feelings for anyone else."