Living Only For Myself: Make Those Who Hate Me Regret It

Chapter 249: Will you think I’m disgusting, scary, and despicable?

Xu Su was furious. "Xi Zirong, I have a boyfriend!"

Xi Zirong nodded, his expression unchanging. "Mm, I’m aware of that at every moment."

’If you’re aware, then why don’t you know how to keep your distance!’

’If you’re aware, then why are you still doing this!’

This version of him was completely different from the boy in her memory, the one who was so gentle and would do anything for her. Xu Su turned her head away, unwilling to look at him or argue any further. Their relationship had long since become a tangled mess.

Xu Su sniffled and prepared to head back to the classroom. As she tried to walk around Xi Zirong, he grabbed her wrist.

"You’re this angry, huh? Well, back when *I* was your boyfriend, did *he* ever kiss you?"

The question stunned Xu Su, freezing her on the spot.

Just then, the bell for the first evening study session rang, jarring her back to her senses. "Let go. Class is starting."

"Afraid to answer?" Xi Zirong’s voice held a hint of a smile, but his arms pulled her tightly into his embrace. "Xu Su, be fair. You let him kiss you when you were with me, so why can’t I kiss you now?"

Night fell early in the winter, and with the overcast sky, the rooftop was already pitch-black. Even as they looked at each other, neither could make out the other’s expression.

Xi Zirong’s lips pressed against hers again. "Be good. Let me kiss you for a bit... let me recharge."

"Don’t!" Xu Su dodged in a panic. "He didn’t know about you and me back then! He didn’t know I had a boyfriend! Xi Zirong, don’t be like this!"

Xi Zirong scoffed. "As if he would have let go even if he had known."

The difference in strength between a man and a woman was vast. Held in Xi Zirong’s arms, Xu Su couldn’t escape at all...

Xi Zirong wrapped one arm around Xu Su’s waist and cupped the back of her neck with his other hand, preventing her from turning away as he lowered his head to kiss her.

He kissed her cold lips, warming them little by little. Xi Zirong’s breathing grew ragged as he tried to deepen the kiss, but Xu Su clenched her jaw shut, refusing to yield.

"...Open your mouth..."

Xu Su glared at him, not even daring to speak, afraid that in the slightest opening, he would invade again.

Xi Zirong’s lips moved to Xu Su’s eyes. Hot kisses rained down on her face, accompanied by his heavy breathing, which began to frighten her.

’If it weren’t for her thick winter clothes and the scarf around her neck getting in his way, Xu Su felt that Xi Zirong was capable of anything in his current state.’

"Xi Zirong! You’re cold—MMPH!"

She struggled and cried out, but Xi Zirong didn’t stop. He seized the opportunity as she spoke to press his lips to hers again, forcing his way in.

He forcefully suppressed all of Xu Su’s resistance, yet the kiss he gave her was exceptionally gentle, almost impossibly careful.

An involuntary pang shot through Xu Su’s heart, and for some reason, she felt the urge to cry again...

The dampness on her face made Xi Zirong freeze. He quickly pulled back. "Don’t cry. I’ll stop kissing you."

In the darkness, Xi Zirong’s hand reached for Xu Su’s eyes. Beneath his fingertips, the girl’s tear-soaked eyelashes trembled...

In that instant, Xi Zirong discovered that his heart, which he thought was already numb with pain, could actually hurt even more. The aching agony was enough to completely shatter him.

"I’m sorry. I scared you. Don’t be afraid." Xi Zirong’s voice was low and hoarse, choked with emotion.

"Don’t touch me." Xu Su turned her head to avoid his hand and pulled a tissue from her pocket to wipe her tears.

The first evening study session had already begun. If she returned to the classroom now, her classmates would only see her red, swollen eyes. It would be better to wait until the session was over.

With this in mind, Xu Su looked up in Xi Zirong’s direction.

"As for what happened today, I’ll pretend it never happened. And I hope there won’t be a next time."

A cold wind blew past. Xi Zirong zipped up his jacket, his voice now calm. "Xu Su, after what I just did... do you think I’m disgusting, terrifying, and vile?"

Xu Su froze, her mind flashing back to what Gu Yunjia had said...

’You have no idea how terrifying, disgusting, and vile men can be.’

Somehow, she couldn’t bring herself to associate the words "disgusting," "terrifying," and "vile" with Xi Zirong.

Even when she was struggling in his arms, unable to break free, Xu Su had clearly felt the vast difference in their strength. If Xi Zirong had truly wanted to force himself on her just now, she would have been powerless to resist...

But... he was Xi Zirong.

The Xi Zirong who could never bring himself to hurt her, no matter what.

The Xi Zirong who, despite being so hurt and bullied by her, couldn’t bear to refuse her, the one who had agreed to break up with her through his tears.

The Xi Zirong who said he would never let her be pushed into a corner.

"And what if I told you I don’t regret what I just did?" Xi Zirong waited a moment before asking again, "Hm... the things I do to you in my dreams are much worse than what just happened. Many times worse. Would you think I was disgusting then?"

"Shut up!"

"Still don’t think so?" Xu Su’s clearly embarrassed and angry tone made Xi Zirong chuckle. "In that case, have you ever considered that you might actually really like me?"

’Have you ever considered that you might actually really like me...’

Xu Su’s head was splitting. She crouched down and looked up at the boy standing before her. Their eyes met in the darkness for a long time before she spoke softly, "It’s true, I’m not a machine. It’s normal not to be able to forget your first love, someone you genuinely liked, right away. But I also like Zhou Mochen. I like Zhou Mochen *more*. So, Xi Zirong, I will forget you."

Her voice was certain and resolute...

Her words were spoken so softly, yet they nearly made Xi Zirong stumble. He could no longer hold back his agitation. "Why are you so determined to give up on me? Xu Su, what did I do wrong that you’ve decided to forget me? What did I do wrong? Did I make some mistake? We both like each other, and we got together first! On what grounds do you get to choose to give up on me?"

"Even if you like him too, there’s still a matter of first come, first served! Why can’t he be the one who gets left behind? Xu Su, at least give me a clear reason!"

’A clear reason...’

Xu Su’s hands clenched into tight fists. What could she possibly say?

’That I have memories of a past life, a life where you didn’t like me?’

’That in our last life, you lived a good life without me?’

’Or about my decade-long entanglement with Zhou Mochen?’

’In a past life where our paths never crossed, your heart fluttered for someone else. Maybe you even married her and had children. We... we were just a mistake.’

’I’m just setting things right...’

Xu Su closed her eyes, a torrent of emotions—she couldn’t tell if it was pain or anger—boiling inside her.

’What can I do?’

Her hand was squeezed tightly. At some point, Xi Zirong had also crouched down, gripping her hand firmly. "Don’t forget me so easily, Susu. That’s my only request. Just keep liking me, okay? I know you’re afraid of his power. I’ll work hard. We live in a society ruled by law. I’ll work hard to climb to a position where he won’t dare to touch me. Don’t forget me. It’s the only motivation I have left."

Xu Su’s hand trembled as she remembered his words: ’...let me recharge...’

He was trying to climb, to reach a height that would make even Zhou Mochen wary, so that his girlfriend could choose him without any pressure. And the motivation supporting his struggle... was her affection.

Her explicit affection...

’If that affection disappeared... if the motivation propping him up was gone... what would become of him?’