L*ck Me If You Can

Chapter 209

A few hours later, Koi was still sitting in the same spot, staring blankly ahead. The only difference from before was that he had gone to the doctor’s office, had a consultation, and returned. But still, he couldn't bring himself to believe what he had heard.

Pregnant. Really?

It was only then that he realized the reason for the occasional abdominal pain he had been feeling. The doctor had told him that it was caused by overexertion and advised him to rest for a while. He also explained that it's common for a heat cycle to occur in early pregnancy and that, in some cases, a heat cycle could continue until childbirth. He had also mentioned that hormone imbalances were causing pheromone regulation issues. Even with all that, it still didn’t feel real.

Could there really be a baby?

He gently rubbed his stomach, but it still felt flat. Sitting there, in a daze, he heard a knock at the door, and shortly after, the door opened. It was Ashley.

“How are you? Feeling a bit better?”

Instead of answering, Koi just looked up at him quietly. Earlier, he had thought that maybe he was just confused and unable to think clearly, but now, he realized it wasn’t that. Ashley’s tone was still cold, and there was no warmth in his voice at all.

This wasn’t the Ashley I knew.

Come to think of it, his apology earlier had been so vague. If this was the Ashley Koi had known and loved, the apology would have been much more sincere, and his tone wouldn’t have been so stiff. No, if he thought he had gotten me pregnant, he would have come to the hospital right away. Leaving me like this, just waiting and watching, felt so cold and calculating.

He couldn’t bring himself to ask Ashley why, because he knew he wouldn’t get a straight answer. Ashley didn’t lie to Koi, but he didn’t open up completely either. If he weren’t hiding something, why would he have acted this way?

Koi suddenly realized who he needed to talk to. It was someone he hadn’t thought of until now.

Sighing deeply, Koi finally spoke.

“...There’s someone I want to meet. Can you call them for me?”

When Ashley heard the name, he furrowed his brows but eventually agreed. About an hour later, Bernice arrived at the hospital room.

 With a sharp knock at the ~Nоvеl𝕚ght~ door, Koi tensed up and turned his head. After a short wait, Bernice entered the room.

“Ashley had to leave for something at the office.”

Koi spoke first as he noticed her briefly scanning the room. This was perfect timing. If it hadn’t been for this, he would have had to come up with a way to get Ashley to leave.

“What’s the matter? Why did you want to meet me?”

Bernice asked in her usual businesslike tone. Koi swallowed nervously before speaking.

“I want to know exactly what’s wrong with Ashley’s brain.”

After Bernice left, Koi was left alone, staring blankly at the air. He couldn’t believe what he had just heard. But there was no way she would lie, and if he didn’t trust her, he wouldn’t have called her in the first place. Excluding how harshly she had treated him, she had never made mistakes or added lies when it came to her work.

So, in this situation, she would be the one who knew the truth best.

It made perfect logical sense, but emotionally, it was difficult to accept.

“Junior’s brain is already damaged.”

“There’s no way to reverse it. You can only delay the damage.”

“His brain will continue to deteriorate.”

“Eventually, he won’t even recognize you, and he won’t even know who he is. We don’t know when that will happen.”

“It could be in a few years, or ten years? Or maybe even longer.”

“The emotional center, the limbic system, has already been damaged, and his memory has been affected. It will only get worse. You’ll have to piece together the fragmented memories for him, just like I did, just like the medical staff did the last time.”

“Damage to the limbic system is a characteristic of extreme alphas, but for someone like Junior, whose condition manifested late, the damage is usually minimal. This kind of damage is rare.”

“Was it caused by the pheromone shock from Angel?”

“No, Junior’s brain had been damaged long before that. For a long time.”

“This pheromone shock was just the trigger.”

Koi covered his face with his hands and groaned. The words didn’t make any sense. That Ashley had been damaged all this time... How long had this been going on? Since they slept together? Or was it after they met again? Before he came to the East?

“Only Junior would know how it happened.”

Maybe even longer ago than that.

Suddenly, Koi remembered something he had forgotten.

“I didn’t plan on meeting you.”

The words Ashley had said when they met again began to resurface, and his face, which had been growing paler, seemed to fade from his memory.

“You came too early.”

“You ruined my plan. Completely.”

And what else had he said?

“So, when were you planning to find me?”

When Koi asked, Ashley had answered, with a bitter smile.

“Well, maybe in about ten years?”

“I thought my plan would work out by then.”

Koi gasped and covered his mouth with his hands.

*

Ashley arrived at the Green Bell about 30 minutes after Koi called him. Koi, who had been staring out the window in a daze, turned his head when he heard the bell and saw him, then froze in place.

Ashley stepped inside, took a quick look around the store, and then locked eyes with Koi. Koi tried to smile at him, but his facial muscles refused to cooperate. He forced an awkward smile with a twisted expression, and Ashley walked over to him with long strides.

"What are you doing here?"

Ashley stood in front of Koi, speaking as he put his hands in his coat pockets, his imposing presence making Koi feel a little intimidated. But Koi mustered the courage to speak as casually as possible.

"You came quickly. I thought it would take an hour."

"What are you doing here?"

Ashley frowned and repeated his question. Koi desperately wanted to beg him not to act like this, but instead, he pointed to the chair across from him.

"Sit down first. We’ll talk after."

"..."

"Quickly."

When Koi urged him again, Ashley reluctantly sat across from him. Koi watched as he casually brushed his well-combed hair back and spoke up.

"It’s been a while since we’ve been here, right?"

Ashley just stared at him without saying anything. Koi looked around the room and continued.

"When I was younger, this place was too expensive, and I couldn’t even get a drink, but now I’ve made enough money to even buy a meal. Isn’t that impressive?"

"With ice in your drink too?"

Ashley sneered, but Koi just smiled and nodded.

"Yeah. I’m an adult now."

Ashley continued to look at him with a frown, as if wondering what Koi was trying to say.

Just then, the waiter arrived, and Koi ordered a warm herbal tea. Ashley ordered a double espresso, but it wasn’t on the menu. Reluctantly, he ordered a cheap Americano instead. After the waiter left, Koi, now a little more relaxed, smiled.

"I’d like coffee too, but I heard caffeine isn’t good for the body. Isn’t that strange? Come to think of it, it’s been a while since I had coffee. Maybe my body instinctively knew."

As he absentmindedly rubbed his stomach, Ashley watched him silently. He couldn’t figure out what Koi was trying to say. Instead of pressing him, he chose to wait patiently. After a long silence, Koi finally spoke.

"I have a question."

He took a deep breath and looked Ashley in the eye.

"You didn’t know I had become an omega back then, right? And the pregnancy wasn’t intentional?"

"Yeah."

Ashley answered with a blank expression. Koi asked again.

"If I had known I was an omega and could get pregnant, would you have been more careful?"

It was a hypothetical question, but to Koi, it was important. Ashley seemed to think for a moment before answering.

"If I had known, I wouldn’t have slept with you."

"Why?"

Koi asked, as if waiting for an answer.

"Is it because having sex with me would have made you lose the pheromones you’d built up?"

Ashley shut his mouth. His expression remained unreadable. Koi waited for him to speak again, and Ashley slowly opened his lips.

"...What are you talking about?"

From his slow response, Koi realized that Ashley was flustered. He had avoided answering the question, and Koi saw it as proof. He confessed openly.

"I met with Miss Bernice. I heard about your condition."

There was no change in Ashley’s expression, but Koi noticed that for a brief moment, he hesitated. Ashley didn’t say anything, but Koi didn’t wait and continued.

"I’ve always thought something was strange. You’re so different now. No, your words and actions keep changing, and I couldn’t understand why you were acting this way. But if it’s because of brain damage, it makes sense. Your emotional fluctuations, how cold you can be at times—now I understand why."

After quickly spilling out his thoughts, Koi took a deep breath. With trembling voice, he finally asked the question that had been burning inside him.

"What I want to know is, why did you do this?"

Koi’s voice cracked with emotion, his words tumbling out in a desperate rush. He had intended to speak calmly, but couldn’t stop himself.

"I know I hurt you. So, if you wanted to hurt me in return, then maybe, yeah, you could have intentionally gotten me pregnant. But this is a whole different story, isn’t it? Why? You said I ruined your plan, right? So, did you change the plan like this? Then what happened to your brain? I don’t understand. Explain it to me."

Koi’s face twisted as if he were about to cry.

"Or maybe I just don’t deserve you?"

"What are you suddenly talking about?"

Ashley was the first to react. It seemed like he didn’t understand why such a conversation was happening. But Koi no longer had the mental capacity to think logically. After hours of thinking and not finding an answer, all the negative emotions he had kept buried came spilling out.

“When I proposed, you were shocked, weren't you? Even though you knew I was carrying your child. You said you loved me, but did you mean that you could have sex with me and say you love me, but not marry me? Is it because I'm poor, Koi Niles?”

Ashley couldn’t hold it in and retorted sharply.

“Are you seriously comparing me to my father, that trash?”

Seeing him get angry so suddenly, Koi stopped biting his lip and just let everything pour out.

“The menu.”

“What?”

Ashley furrowed his brow as he looked at Koi. Koi exhaled shakily and confessed.

“I know you faked the menu at that French restaurant.”

Ashley sighed and shook his head.

“What are you talking about all of a sudden?”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know. You made that fake menu to fit my situation on purpose, didn’t you? You must’ve paid for the rest of the bill, right? I thought it was real, and I was so dumb to be happy about it. How could you do something like that?”

Ashley paused for a moment but then snapped at Koi.

“Did I do something to hurt you by doing that? When I was out cold, you went there with a woman. Why there? Was it to show off? You had little money, and that was probably the best restaurant you could afford.”

Even with his mocking words, Koi didn’t back down.

“You’re right. I wanted to go to the best place I could. Because I had wronged her badly, and I was planning to wrong her again.”

Taking a short breath, he quickly added.

“I’m sorry for going there while you were out. It bothered me too, but I wanted to get everything sorted before we met again. I thought dragging it on would be rude to both of us.”

“And what’s the problem with that? Didn’t everything turn out the way you wanted it to? Why are you angry?”

Ashley still couldn’t understand his words. Finally, Koi couldn’t hold back his frustration and asked.

“Do you still feel sorry for me?”

“What?”

Ashley’s face contorted at the unexpected question. Koi clenched his fists and, with a trembling voice, continued.

“If you really cared about me, you would’ve taken me to a restaurant that was suited for me, not one where you manipulate the prices to fit your level.”

For a moment, Ashley stopped moving. The only thing moving were his eyes, which were darting around. Koi stared directly at him, pouring out his emotions.

“You’ve said you love me so many times, but you’ve never proposed. If you had wanted to marry someone from a good family, like the woman you were thinking of, the story would have been different. You were only in love with me enough to have sex and say you loved me. But when it comes to marriage, you’d want someone who’s more on your level. I’m the one who doesn’t measure up.”

“What the hell are you saying...”

“Don’t deny it. That’s the truth, and you know it. You probably didn’t realize it, but this is your real feeling deep down. You never try to adjust to me. You only try to make me fit into your world. If you had even a little bit of consideration for me, you wouldn’t act so arrogantly, like you’re doing me a favor.”

After saying that, Koi shut his mouth. His shoulders trembled with emotion. He bit his lip to keep from crying, then added one last thing.

“Is this really how you love me? Hurting me like this, hoping I’ll feel sorry for you? Blaming me for everything because I rejected you?”

He wanted to grab Ashley by the collar and yell at him. The anger was boiling inside him, and he couldn’t hold it back anymore. But the response he received was still cold. For a brief moment, Ashley clenched his fist so tightly that his knuckles turned white, but then he slowly relaxed his hand.

“What do you know?”

Ashley’s icy violet eyes locked onto Koi. With a hint of mockery, he spoke.

“You still don’t understand anything.”

“Then explain it to me. Make me understand.”

Koi didn’t back down. He stood firm, facing Ashley’s intense gaze. For a moment, Ashley seemed to be lost in thought. Koi felt a flicker of fear — was there something wrong with Ashley’s mental state again? But then Ashley finally spoke.

“Why should I lower myself to your level? In the end, I’ll forget everything, and you’ll just leave me again.”

Koi’s face contorted with shock. Ashley laughed at the confused look on his face. He raised the corners of his mouth, trying to pull off a smile, but Koi could tell it wasn’t genuine.

At that moment, Koi couldn’t hold back his tears and blinked them away.

“What’s wrong with you?”

Ashley quickly wiped his eyes and spat out angrily.

“Why do you always say such hurtful things? I know something’s wrong with you, but you should still know what’s okay to say and what’s not. Or are you doing this on purpose? You didn’t act like this before...”

The sweet memories made Koi feel even more distressed. A fleeting thought passed through his mind: If only I could forget like Ashley has... Just then, Ashley spoke emotionlessly.

“Forget about the old me now.”

With the same empty expression as his voice, he looked at Koi and continued.

“This is who I am now. If you can’t accept it, then there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Koi stood there, listening silently as Ashley reached his conclusion.

“Go back to the West, Koi.”

Koi stared at him blankly. Perhaps this was the moment Ashley had been waiting for. Koi was shaken, but soon, he gathered his resolve.

I can’t be weak. This might be Ashley’s calculation too.

Ashley would hurt him and prove his point by making Koi leave, saying:

“See? You’re leaving me again.”

I won’t let that happen.

Ashley’s current state was because of Koi. If he embraced Ashley and ignored everything, it would be over in an instant. But Koi chose a different path. First, he needed to fix the deep-rooted distrust Ashley had in him. Just like that time in high school when he had been ready to give up on everything while practicing at Ashley’s ice rink, but Ashley had lifted him up. Now, it was Koi’s turn to offer a hand.

Koi clenched his fists beneath the table, raised his head with determination, and stared directly at Ashley.

“No.”

Ashley furrowed his brows. But he didn’t seem surprised, as though he had anticipated this resistance. He relaxed his expression and spoke again, without much change in his demeanor.

“If it’s because of the child...”

“It’s not just that. Of course, the child is part of it.”

Koi interrupted, knowing that Ashley thought money could easily fix everything, but he was wrong. Koi had lived his life in poverty, and money was never a factor for him.

“I told you, I won’t leave you again.”

Koi spoke each word deliberately, with strength.

“But I won’t tolerate you hurting me like this. Even if you can’t feel anything, I can.”

Ashley’s brows furrowed again, this time with deeper lines. When Koi saw this, he felt a slight surge of confidence and continued.

“So what are you going to do about it?”

Of course, Koi had no answer ready either. He hadn’t anticipated this situation.

“I’ll think about it. We’ll figure out how to move forward together.”

Ashley sighed, as if stunned by Koi’s honest response. Koi turned to look at Ashley’s side profile as he spoke.

“Anyway, I won’t give up. If you’re disappointed, I’m sorry.”

Ashley, still turned away, only looked at him with his eyes. Koi met his gaze and added one last thing.

“You just want to prove that you’re right by me leaving, don’t you?”

Ashley didn’t respond. His silence proved his deep-rooted distrust of Koi. Koi quietly took cash from his pocket, placed it on the table, and stood up.

“I’ll pay my share. We’re not on a date, after all.”

Koi stood tall and made his final declaration.

“If you change your mind or come up with a better solution, contact me. I’ll do the same.”

Just as he was about to leave, he paused and added,

“Because of you breaking the door, I can’t stay at that house anymore. I’ll be staying at Elle’s for a while, so just know that. And don’t jump to conclusions.”

With one last glance at Ashley’s frowning face, Koi really left the spot. Through the front window of the café, he saw a woman talking to Ashley. After some conversation, she appeared to be giving him directions, and their talk seemed to linger. Koi smiled and shook his head before walking away. Ashley, sitting there, watched the whole scene unfold.