Kill Me, My Love

Chapter 42

Thoughts, each worse than the last, flooded her mind. What if feelings flare up again? What if she finds a way to seduce him? Enchants him somehow? Uses her dark powers... There’s no worse enemy than a sexual ex. Doubts poisoned her soul, tormented her.

She decided to wander the corridors. What’s the point of sitting still, suffering? Change, nothing will change anymore. And they up there are either chatting or doing something else...

Footsteps echoed through the passages, the girl peered at the numerous signs, distracting herself from her gloomy thoughts. Who are all these people... What are they imprisoned for? Who were they in life, and who are they after death? There were many questions, but few answers.

Suddenly she noticed something strange. Around the corner were very unusual doors: stone, without a finger hole or distinguishing marks. Some letters were engraved on the outside. However, they were so ancient (or carelessly engraved) that they had worn away, making it difficult to read.

The girl approached closely to see the name of the unusual prisoner.

The first letter reSambled “L,” the second “i," but without a dot on top, then again “l.”

Lina froze in astonishment. Could it be... She looked again at the letters. Yes, it's her, no doubt about it. The long-erased letters formed her mother’s name. Lilith. That’s who was behind the closed door.

She touched the cold surface with her hand. What to do? Call for her? But would she hear? Just stand here, as if rooted, and rejoice that her mother is so close? She wished she could open the door and go inside. But for that, she needed Samael’s blood and the appropriate hole, which was absent. The dark ones made sure Lilith couldn’t leave...

Hundreds of thoughts swarmed her consciousness, all worries about Samael and Margarita faded into the background. Mom. Mother. The woman who gave birth. She is here, so close, yet somehow so far.

Her throat felt dry, even if she wanted to scream, she couldn’t; a strange spasm constricted her vocal cords.

She pressed her forehead against the stone, trying to calm her quickened heartbeat, and at that moment she heard a voice.

– Hello? Is someone there?

A gentle, deep timbre. In the intonation, there was calm and some childlike, unforced curiosity.

– Yes, – she replied almost in a whisper. – It’s me.

– Who is “me”?

– My name is Lina.

– Lina? – Lilith repeated, savoring each letter of this name. – You’re new here?

– Me? Yes, I suppose so... Although, actually... Not really. I’m not from here.

– So what are you doing here? – she asked with concern.

– It’s hard to explain...

An uncomfortable silence ensued. The girl didn’t know how to confess to her mother that she was her daughter. Dozens of variations of phrases spun in her head, but each felt awkward and inappropriate. “Well, you see, you’re my mom,” or – “Lilith, I’m about to destroy the whole world. Doesn’t that ring a bell?” or – “Mom, don’t you recognize your little girl? It’s me. You left me after giving birth.”

– I suspect you’re wandering here for nothing, you better return to a safe place.

– It’s safe in prison right now, – the girl replied, touching the rough surface with her fingers. – All the dark ones are on earth.

– And why? What are they doing there?

– They’re looking for escapees, – Lina didn’t hide the truth since the woman had spent many years in isolation, and thus had no clue about what was happening around.

– What escapees? – she asked eagerly, but the girl didn’t answer.

Gathering all her will, she closed her eyes and said what she feared the most:

– Lilith – you are my mother.

She said it, and it felt as if a stone had fallen from her heart. It immediately became light, and it didn’t matter what the reaction would be. Whether she believes it or not... What mattered was she dared to confess.

On the other side of the door, not a word was heard. Perhaps Lilith was trying to comprehend what had been said. The girl remained silent too. What else could she say? Ask why it all turned out this way? Why didn’t they escape with her? Why didn’t they hide from the whole world, saving their firstborn?

– My daughter has died, – the woman whispered after a few minutes.

There was grief and deep sorrow in her voice; it was obvious the wound still hurt, it hadn’t healed.

– That’s not true, – Lina protested. – I’m alive, standing here in the corridor.

– My daughter has died, – Lilith repeated again.

– No, – the girl stubbornly continued to stand her ground. – Can I address you informally? My parents are Lilith and Nakir. Your, oh, I mean, your love was forbidden. But you didn’t listen to anyone, so I was born. All I know is that you were imprisoned for breaking the law. You were put here, while father was sent to Elysium. Well, all these years, the Order has raised me. So soon the prophecy will come true...

The woman remained silent, offering no comment on the story, so Lina, to escape the disgusting silence, continued to speak:

– I have gray eyes and hair. They say I reSamble you in character. Just as rebellious and brave. I also love reading. I think I’ve read every book in the world. By the way, in my childhood, I often listened to organ music. Every Sunday morning, Sister Solomonida organized concerts, performing various pieces. I’m of average height and slender build. Recently, I fell in love for the first time...

– Wait, – Lilith interrupted Lina’s monologue. – This isn’t possible. Everything you’re saying sounds like some kind of fantasy. My little girl, I was shown her after childbirth. She was dead. Her heart wasn’t beating; breathing wasn’t detected. She didn’t even cry; the midwife said that the umbilical cord was wrapped twice around her neck, so there were no chances. The newborn had suffocated in the womb.

– Mom, I’m alive, – the girl replied despondently.

What else could she say? And she had already woven such a tangled tale...

– I don’t know what happened during my birth, but everything’s fine. Maybe it’s because I’m immortal. I can indeed die, but then I resurrect, and all wounds heal. I don’t know how to convince you, but soon Samael will return, and we won’t be able to talk again.

– Samael? – the woman asked in surprise.

– Yes.

– He is the man you’re in love with?

– Yes.

– He's dangerous.

– Perhaps, to others, but not to me.

Lina sat down on the floor, leaning her back against the stone surface. If only she could open those damned doors and walk inside, all doubts would vanish in an instant. It’s impossible not to recognize your own daughter, even if she’s grown up. Lilith would surely feel that connection between them. And now... All she could do was hope she would believe her word. But if she’s been convinced for so many years that her daughter isn’t among the living, accepting this information isn’t easy at all.

– Tell me something about yourself and father, – the girl asked, hugging her knees.

– I don’t even know what to share, – the woman sighed. – I was Lucifer’s wife and reigned in Abaddon for many centuries. There was a lot in life: sex, passion, hatred, jealousy, betrayal... I think you noticed that life here is turbulent...

But twenty-one years ago, I met Nakir, and I was struck with disgust towards my own world. He was completely different, not like the typical light ones. Not a self-absorbed upstart with a snout in the fluff. No, he was noble. A real man. And how handsome! Even recalling it, I feel a shiver in my hands. That meeting turned everything upside down for us. Love at first sight when you can’t hold your distance, and all the laws and rules plunge into the abyss. Fate played a cruel joke on me, for I had opposed such unions, and here I was, caught in my own trap.

Of course, we hid, sheltered our happiness from everyone. But over time, I got pregnant, and they found out. Everyone was in a tizzy. They recalled the prophecy and began to act. They immediately took Nakir to Elysium and imprisoned me here. After that, everything is like in a fog. Childbirth, a bunch of people around, the lifeless body of a newborn girl. I was convinced you were dead... That there would be no end of the world...

– So you believe me? – the girl asked with hope.

– At first, I thought it was a cruel joke. There are many simpletons in this personnel, but what you told...

Lina froze with excitement that filled her heart. Now, she wanted even more to get into her mother’s cell, to see her, to embrace her...

– But, Lina, why are you here now? For what purpose? – Lilith asked softly.

– It’s complicated, – the girl sighed. – The prophecy is about to come true. The dark ones have collaborated with the light ones, they have a certain theory. They believe that if they cast me into the abyss of Abaddon, then I, allegedly, will die, and there will be no apocalypse.

– Theory?! – the woman fell silent for a moment, considering what she had heard. – What do you think about it?

– I don’t know, sometimes I believe, sometimes I don’t. I understand a decision must be made. Either I die, or the whole world...

Suddenly an audacious idea popped into her head, maybe a silly and childish one. However, Lina wanted to try to be a child asking stupid questions, shifting the responsibility for important decisions onto the shoulders of adults. Though deep down, she knew what answer she wanted to hear, so she dared to say:

– Maybe you won’t like this question, but still... Tell me, what would you choose in my place? Forget that I’m your daughter, set aside all emotions. You’ve lived in this world for hundreds of years; does it deserve to live?

– Linushka, I... It’s hard for me to say.

Lilith hesitated. A strange trembling note appeared in her voice. It’s what happens when you feel out of your depth.

– Say what you think, – the girl gently urged.

She squinted her eyes and even crossed her fingers on her hands, hoping that in this situation, her mother would support her. That she would choose her daughter’s life over her own and the whole world’s.

Finally, the woman cleared her throat and said:

– I believe that we don’t deserve the apocalypse.