I want to die!

Chapter 17 The Money of Humanity

As dusk fell, night gradually enveloped the sky.

After his wife, Zhang, busied herself at the stove for a while, she brought out several plates of home-style dishes and a bowl of stewed meat.

Zhou Xing brought back some local pork, which she cut in half, added sauce, and it glistened with oil.

The family of three sat around in the main room, while the stars twinkled in the courtyard.

An oil lamp was lit on the table, its flame no bigger than a soybean. Zhang sat beside the lamp, her face half-lit and half-shadowed by the light, and began to recount the events, big and small, that had happened in her hometown over the years.

Li Ziqing sat directly opposite Zhou Xing with her bowl in hand, only looking down at her rice without saying a word. The scene was just like when an unfamiliar relative came to visit during the Chinese New Year.

"Over the years, we have relied entirely on the monthly allowances that my husband sends home to pay off Zhao Shan's debts."

"How long will you be staying at home this time, sir... or are you just passing through for a few days?"

While chatting idly, Zhou Xing's gaze fell on his youngest daughter, Li Ziqing's, neck, where a small brass lock could be seen in the lamplight.

According to local custom, this is called the Hundred Families Lock.

In fact, most of them were necklaces worn by children. Since the children were weak and sickly, their parents would go out and ask each of the hundred or so neighbors for a copper coin, and then use these hundred coins to recast a copper lock.

Write words like "May you live a long and healthy life" on the lock, or go to a temple to get a talisman and put it in the lock.

This is what is known as the Hundred Families Lock, also called the Longevity Lock.

But frankly speaking, this hundred-family lock is not something that Li Ziqing, who is eighteen or nineteen years old now, should wear.

Generally, when children get older, the offerings should be put away and placed on the altar.

Zhang seemed to notice where Zhou Xing's gaze fell, and her eyes darkened slightly as she explained:

"This Hundred Families Lock was actually left behind by Xuanqing."

"When he was distributing government grain, he took a hundred coins from a hundred refugees... Later, after Xuanqing passed away, I had those hundred coins made into this copper lock..."

The family had three children; the second son fell ill and died first, and the death of the eldest son, Li Xuanqing, is even more noteworthy.

No wonder Zhang wanted to make a hundred-family lock for her youngest daughter.

"You don't know, back then, after Xuanqing stole government grain and amassed enough money from a hundred households... later, people kept leaving strings of copper coins at the door, until they had collected over a hundred..."

When the topic of Li Xuanqing was brought up, Zhang hesitated to speak.

The death of his eldest son, Li Xuanqing, was a topic that Li's father had avoided ten years ago.

"Was that the Hundred Families Lock you made when you were eight or nine? You're a grown woman now, so that copper lock doesn't really suit you," Zhou Xing said casually.

To everyone's surprise, this simple sentence caused the youngest daughter's face to darken immediately.

"Whether I wear the Hundred Family Lock or not is my own business, so there's no need for Eunuch Li to worry about it." Li Ziqing stared intently at Zhou Xing and said quietly:

"I'd like to ask Eunuch Li, you've been hiding within the palace walls for ten years, yet you still dare not mention your elder brother's matter. So why did you bother coming home?"

After those words were spoken, the atmosphere at the dinner table froze.

Zhou Xingxin said, "Is that something I dare not mention? Back then, I played Li Xuanqing until his death. I was the one who did all the things he did before he died. I knew them all too well."

So he casually steered the conversation to the hundred-family lock around his youngest daughter's neck...

A casual remark can turn your sweet little girl into a heart-wrenching iron maid.

Li Ziqing didn't treat him this way ten years ago.

Is it because he's grown up to the point where his biological father is treated worse than a dog, or... is his role now different from ten years ago?

"Ziqing, how dare you speak to your father like that?" Madam Zhang scolded from the side.

"Without the monthly allowance your father sends home, our family would still be in debt."

Li Ziqing said calmly, "On another note, who incurred the debt? And who was it that caused my elder brother to leave home and become a beggar?"

The north wind howled in the courtyard, and the window frames rattled.

The atmosphere at the dinner table seemed even colder than the winter outside.

Zhou Xing listened from the side, but he wasn't quite into the story.

After all, he was the same Li Xuanqing who made a terrible mistake ten years ago, and he is still the same Li father today.

The younger daughter's attempt to use her elder brother's spear to pierce her father's shield was seen as completely harmless by Zhou Xing.

However, his otherworldly demeanor, as if he had just descended to earth, only made Li Ziqing's face darken, and ripples appeared in his layered, dark pupils.

In the end, it was Zhang who forcibly changed the subject:

"My lord, my uncle has been longing to see you for the past two years. But you've been in the capital in the north for ten years and haven't returned for more than a few days."

"If I have some free time these next few days, I should go visit my uncle."

Uncle... Li Yingcai's younger brother, Li Yingjie?

"He wants to see me that much?" Zhou Xing asked, slightly surprised.

Regardless of the memories of either the father or son before their deaths, none of them felt that their kinship with Li Yingjie was particularly deep.

The previous generation of the Li family consisted of two brothers, Li Yingcai and Li Yingjie.

The eldest son, Li Yingcai, was the patriarch of the family, but over the years he went down dead ends in various industries and squandered all the family's wealth.

The younger brother, Li Yingjie, was better off. Although he also struggled to make ends meet, he managed to pass the imperial examination and become a scholar. However, he was arrogant and mean-spirited.

As the eldest son who squandered the family fortune, Li Yingcai was not well-liked by his younger brother.

After Li Yingcai disappeared from his hometown, it goes without saying how he treated his nephew Li Xuanqing.

"Seeing him tomorrow...that's fine too." Zhou Xing nodded.

In the cold wind of a winter night, a few awkward conversations occasionally broke the silence.

When a eunuch leaves home for many years, not only does his daughter become a stranger, but even his wife at home seems somewhat estranged.

While he was speaking, his wife, Zhang, did not look up at him; she simply lowered her head and appeared submissive. There was no eye contact between the couple.

Faced with her husband who had not returned for ten years and had become a eunuch, Zhang's attitude was more polite and courteous than affectionate.

Nine times out of ten, it's related to the niche profession of eunuch.

Li Yingcai's wife, Zhang, was the daughter of a private school teacher in the town. They had been married for over twenty years, but for the last ten years, she was practically a widow.

Since Zhou Xing entered the house, his wife Zhang has only glanced at him when she came in, and then kept her head down doing her housework.

Is this what it means for middle-aged couples separated without any marital intimacy? How incredibly boring!

Zhou Xing tapped his fingers lightly on the wooden table, a feeling akin to the melancholy of a eunuch visiting a brothel.

Mr. Li's family is a complete mess.

The last time he looked at it from the eldest son's perspective, it was alright.

Although they lived a simple life, the family was always harmonious, even behind closed doors.

But when he returned home as Li's father, things were quite different.

Li Yingcai rarely went home when he was alive, not wanting to face the mess, but now Zhou Xing has taken over this mess.

"His last wish was to return home and reunite with his family, to become a real man and change his family's opinion of him?"

He cared deeply for his family during his lifetime, but never returned home, until he died naked in the room of a prince of the Southern Zhou Dynasty.

Knock knock knock.

The knocking on the door broke the awkward atmosphere at the dinner table, so Zhou Xing got up and went to the door.

Standing outside the door was a middle-aged man who looked like an old scholar. He wore a faded gray-white long gown, his body was like a withered tree, his cheekbones were high and his eyes were sunken.

Behind him was a sallow-faced and timid boy who seemed a little shy. When he saw Zhou Xing's scrutinizing gaze, he quickly avoided looking and hid behind the middle-aged man in the long robe.

"Second brother?" Zhou Xing looked surprised.

The person who arrived was Li Yingjie.

Compared to ten years ago, he has aged considerably, and his temples are already graying.

He became a scholar at the age of fifteen, but failed the imperial examinations repeatedly, wasting ten years. Now he is an old scholar who is nearly forty years old.

"I heard that my elder brother has returned to his hometown, so I'm here to bring the child to meet his uncle." The middle-aged man in the long gown tugged at the child hiding behind him.

"Uncle," the child called out with difficulty, his thin, sallow face appearing pale in the moonlight.

"I just got back and you've already heard about it?" Zhou Xing raised an eyebrow.

"My nephew, Li Xuanqing, was quite famous in Baxiang Town back then, and you, elder brother..." Li Yingjie stopped abruptly before finishing his sentence, his gaze lingering slightly on Zhou Xing's chin.

Zhou Xing immediately understood.

Although he had changed into casual clothes, this fair-skinned, beardless middle-aged man was still too conspicuous.

It's not uncommon for people to return home in glory, but it's extremely rare for a eunuch to do so.

.............

"Brother, you endured humiliation and hardship, even going so far as to be castrated and enter the palace to uphold our family's honor. I, your humble brother, always feel deep respect for you when I think of this." The old scholar, Li Yingjie, entered the room with a fawning smile on his face.

"Our bodies and hair are gifts from our parents, yet my elder brother humbled himself and entered the palace as a castrated man to support his family. He is truly an extraordinary person!"

"You seem to understand me quite well. My daughter thinks I abandoned my wife and children to enter the palace..." Zhou Xing replied indifferently.

The conversation between the two middle-aged brothers also had a polite tone, with a hint of estrangement.

"That was because Zi was young and ignorant... he didn't understand his elder brother's good intentions," the old scholar said with an awkward smile.

This is a complicated and tangled family matter.

From the daughter's perspective, her father abandoned his wife and children during the famine, indirectly causing her elder brother's tragic death; but from Li Yingcai's perspective, it's a different story.

"After my children starved to death, I made the painful decision to sell myself into the palace as a eunuch, just to support my family," Zhou Xing recalled.

"Brother, your righteousness is admirable!" exclaimed the old scholar Li Yingjie.

Compared to raising a daughter in mourning, the old scholar clearly showed Zhou Xing much more respect.

Although Li Yingcai was just a lowly eunuch serving Prince Zhou Xing, he still received a monthly salary of nine taels of silver, which would have been equivalent to a monthly salary of nine thousand in his previous life.

Money, money, money! The monthly allowance that was guaranteed in the palace regardless of drought or flood was more valuable than life itself in this world.

This small town is the envy of countless people.

In the palace, he was a servant named Xiao Li, who attended to nobles.

But when he arrived in his hometown, he was none other than Eunuch Li, whom this poor scholar could only look up to with longing. Eunuch Li was a big shot who served a nobleman.

Zhou Xing was wondering whether his younger brother wanted to borrow money or grain.

Li Yingjie was far more awkward in his presence than when he met his second uncle as "Li Xuanqing." He was currently fidgeting with the hem of his shirt, forcing himself to speak:

"This...this...The waters of the Canglang River are clear enough to wash my hat ornaments; my brother's upright character and integrity truly put us to shame..."

Li Yingjie was an old scholar in a long gown, and he wasn't usually a very eloquent person, but now, in front of Zhou Xing, he started spouting more pedantic knowledge.

"Brother, if you have something to say, just say it," Zhou Xing said.

"Brother, I have no other choice." The old scholar's smile turned wan, and his gaze fell on the courtyard.

The thin, shy little nephew was playing with his youngest daughter in the yard, their laughter echoing through the small courtyard, more annoying than the howling night wind.

He showed none of the timidity he had when he first arrived to face Zhou Xing.

"Brother, these past few years have been plagued by natural disasters and famines, resulting in poor harvests. We even had to sell our one acre of land, my wife ran away, and my eldest child is gone."

"Qingping has been clever since he was a child. What do you think...? Why don't you bring him into the palace as well?" the old scholar asked cautiously.

Zhou Xing was taken aback: "Let him come to the palace with me?"

"Yes, castrate yourself to enter the palace." The old scholar pleaded, took out a small money pouch from his pocket, and handed it to Zhou Xing with both hands.

Zhou Xing fell silent for a moment.

The old scholar was getting a little anxious. He glanced at Zhang's back as she busied herself in the kitchen, hesitated for a moment, then lifted his robe, bent his knees, and knelt down, lowering his voice to say:

"Brother, please, please have mercy..."

"He's different from me." Zhou Xing was shaken, and supported the old scholar with both hands:

"When I entered the palace to be castrated, I already had a wife and children, so even if I lost my manhood... it wouldn't matter."

"But my little nephew looks like he's only thirteen or fourteen years old this year..."

Li Yingjie gazed at the children playing inside the courtyard wall.

The cold winter wind howled and whistled through the roof tiles, and the footsteps and faint laughter of children came from the courtyard, startling the night birds perched on the eaves, which fluttered past the half-moon.

But the old scholar didn't find it noisy.

"Brother, you're a well-fed man who doesn't know the hunger of a starving man," the old scholar muttered to himself.

"To be honest, my second son, Ping'er, has already been castrated. Even if he can't enter the palace, he's no longer able to have sex. There's no way out for him..."

Ok?

Upon hearing this, Zhou Xing's expression turned cold: "You want the child to be cleansed first? Looks like you're sure I'll help you?"

The real Li Yingcai might be soft-hearted, but Zhou Xing is not him.

The old scholar was taken aback, then gave a wry smile:

"Brother, you've misunderstood."

"My brother has been living in the palace for years and may never be able to return home. Even if I wanted to send my child to the palace, how could I possibly know when you would return?"

He explained with a wry smile:

"Actually, half a year ago I had someone send ten taels of silver to Eunuch Zhang, who was in charge of purchasing young children. Eunuch Zhang kindly promised me a spot to enter the palace."

"But I no longer have the money to hire a knife maker, so I have to do it myself in private... Who would have thought that Ping'er would be able to get out of bed half a month later, and that Eunuch Zhang would be brought down for accepting bribes, and the new Eunuch Chen would deny it."

"You want your child to go to the capital to become a palace attendant?" Zhou Xing asked.

The old scholar smiled somewhat shyly, clearly having been caught red-handed.

"My family's land deed was mortgaged to Zhao the Great Philanthropist long ago, and we also have debts owed by the Zhao family. Now I work as a long-term laborer for Zhao the Great Philanthropist every day. Where am I going to find the ten taels of silver to send my child to the palace?"

"Knowing that you, brother, have asked for leave to return home, and that your time is precious, I wouldn't dare to bother you if I hadn't truly had no other choice..."

Li Yingjie gazed at his noisy children in the yard, as if speaking to Zhou Xing, or perhaps to himself:

"What use is your manhood if you're about to lose your life?"