Every Mile a Memory

Chapter 7

I was super psyched. Over a week later, our caravan rolled into Baltimore for that city’s stop on the summer tour. It had been nearly three weeks since I’d been in my hometown area. And while time had flown by quickly, arriving back made me instantly a little homesick.

I was watching the kids for most of the Baltimore concert, but Lara made sure to come back early so I could be with Sophia and Juanita at the tail end. Finn had finagled third-row seats for my friends and got them backstage after the final note was played. Of course, there were hugs and “how are yous” all the way around, even though we spoke or texted one another on a regular basis.

Then there were similar statements when Finn approached us. It was funny watching my two best friends be so star-struck. I had long since gotten over any of those feelings when seeing Finn or any of his famous friends. But those two were still giddy thirty-somethings.

“Have a nice break, Maya,” Finn concluded his conversation with us.

“Thanks.” I smiled, and then teased him. “And thanks for planning your schedule this way. It’s perfect for me.”

The complete tour outfit had a week off after the Baltimore concert. Everyone was free to go home or wherever, just so they returned for the Pittsburgh concert the following week. I was basically already home. My house was less than an hour away. I was going to be in my bed, check in on things, and catch up with friends. And the trip to Pittsburgh was only a short bus ride away.

“That’s really why I hired you. Your hometown fit into the break schedule.”

“Ha, ha!” I laughed as my two friends watched. “If something comes up, let me know. And give those two little ones a hug from me.”

“I will,” Finn answered back as Hawk joined the scene. Bro-patting Hawk on the shoulder, he said, “Good show,” which I noticed and liked about Finn. He always complimented everyone about the concert. He genuinely thought it was a team effort, although I was sure the fans wouldn’t agree. “Catcha in a few.” And the superstar took off.

“Hi, ladies,” Hawk said to my friends.

“Hi.” Juanita’s eyes got even wider, if that were possible.

“You remember Hawk, right?” I asked Sophia and Juanita.

“Sure. Nice to see you,” Sophia said with a slightly clipped tone. She remembered. She remembered all too well.

I looked up at Hawk, who I was pretty sure caught my sister-in-law’s inflection. “I guess I’m ready to head out.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, and I don’t think I was mistaken about the little crease of sadness across his face. “Everybody’s high-tailing it out tonight. They want to get a start on break.” Hawk wasn’t, though. He was going with Finn, Lara, the kids, and a few others directly to Pittsburgh for the week. “You want me to walk you gals to your car? Need me to carry anything?”

I smiled at his genuine desire to protect and help. He would do it for anybody. But I also knew there was something special starting to happen between the two of us. It was in the way we’d spoken with one another since the car ride. It was in the way the seat next to him at the couple of after-shows I went to was assumed to be mine. It was in the way that if we saw each other, which varied depending on schedules, he would kiss me or touch my hand.

It was my hand he was going for as we stood there backstage. Juanita noticed the motion and kindly took a step or two backward. But Sophia either didn’t get the hint or purposefully didn’t want to.

Not wanting any hurt feelings on the very first night of my homecoming, I took Hawk’s hand and squeezed it quickly while not letting my eyes leave his. But just as fast, I let it drop for Sophia’s sake. “We’ll be all right,” I claimed, while looking at the brawny hunk in front of me. “Thanks for asking. I’ll see you next week.”

***

We had an old-fashioned girls sleepover at my home that night. Sophia had gone to the house earlier in the day and opened some windows to air the place out. She also brought Allante back home. The spark in his elder step wasn’t what it used to be, but that dog sure did find the burst of energy to run to me the second I walked through the door. He lapped me with kisses, and I hugged him extra tight. I’m not sure who was more excited to see whom. Pretty remarkable for a girl who was a cat fan growing up.

While there was a guest room and my master bedroom, Juanita, Sophia, and I decided to really play it old-school by camping out in the living room with blankets and pillows. It was very late at night, or really early in the morning, but we knew we weren’t going to get much sleep. There was so much to catch up on. And besides, both ladies had taken off work the following day.

“No offense, Maya, but this is a little less luxurious than our last get-together.” Juanita laughed, referencing the Keys.

“No doubt.” I raised my head up from the floor pillow, thinking of how much it reminded me of that time, though—my friends, a Finn Murphy concert, and being surrounded with blankets and pillows on the floor.

As if reading my dreamy mind, Sophia finally asked the question I knew she had been wanting to for a couple of hours. “Have you been seeing that guy?”

“Hawk.” I said his name because I knew Sophia, by choice, had not. When she didn’t acknowledge my clarification, I said, “Yeah.”

Again, the silence lingered. And I felt bad. Somehow, my budding relationship with Hawk was harder on Sophia than on the widower in me trying to move on. Maybe it was because I was living it day in and day out, and I knew we were progressing at a natural pace. In contrast, Sophia had not been aware of anything since the night outside of our hotel door. I had purposefully not mentioned Hawk to either of the girls but especially not to Sophia. She was Jeff’s sister. It was as if she was feeling a little like I had when I’d moved my wedding ring to the opposite hand. Seeing me have feelings for someone else was like tearing an adhesive bandage off a not-healed wound.

Feeling empathetic, I tried to downplay my answer but kept it honest. “Of course, I see him. I mean there’s tons of people traveling with us, but Hawk and I are kind of in the inner circle.”

“Geez,” Juanita interjected, propped up on her elbow. “How did little Miss Maya get in the inner circle of Finn Murphy?”

“I know, right! I’m still trying to figure that out.” I laughed.

“What’s he like?”

Hoping Juanita was still talking about Finn, but even if she wasn’t, I answered with him in mind. “You guys met him. What you see is what you get—absolutely genuine. He’s hard on himself and serious about his music.”

“Let’s get back to the original ‘him’ question.” Sophia sat up, pretzel-style. And just like that, we were back to Hawk. “Did you two pick up where you left off, Maya?”

I sat up to meet Sophia and thought about the fact I still called her my sister-in-law. Should I? Was it still true? Or was it another “ring” I had to move? Oh, my mind was flurrying all over the place.

To further demonstrate that fact, I stumbled on my response. “No…yes.” Juanita sat up to join us as I tried to explain. “The first week, I was just trying to get my bearings. Everybody was really busy, and I had to figure out exactly what my role was. There wasn’t a lot of time to talk, and, you know, there are people everywhere.”

“So the yes part?” Sophia wouldn’t let it go. It was like she was trying to torture herself.

“Yes. We’ve kissed…a few times. We’ve talked. We know each other’s pasts. We…yeah.” That was it. That was the truth.

“You gonna sleep with him? Or have you already?” Leave it to Juanita.

I tried a really? stare at my friend who I knew, even in the darkness, understood but didn’t care. So I sighed and answered. “We haven’t. First of all, we’re just getting to know one another.” I looked from Juanita to Sophia. “Second, you guys don’t understand, there’s no down or at least alone time.”

“Look at her smile,” Juanita teased.

I couldn’t help it. What she said was true. I knew I felt a little different every time I thought of Hawk. And saying his name only amplified my reaction. But I still felt guilty feeling that way in front of Jeff’s sister and in the house I had shared with my late husband.

“You should be happy,” Sophia offered, and I realized her voice was a little bit sad but also a lot honest and hopeful.

“Sophia…” I said her name, not knowing what else to do. When she nodded her head affirming her statement, I smiled again. “Yeah…thanks.”

***

On Sunday, I joined Jeff’s family for dinner. I loved spending time with the whole family but especially my nephews, ages ten and eight. Sophia and her husband, Walt, did a magnificent job raising them. Between Sophia’s job as a dental assistant and Walt’s job running a chain of family-owned restaurants, they were able to put the boys in a private school, which helped keep them grounded in the right way. Their oldest, Artie, idolized Jeff. He wanted to be a cop just like his uncle, and his passion hadn’t changed since Jeff’s death. If anything, it intensified, which worried Sophia. I tried to remain neutral, but pride and fear were strange bedfellows.

Being with them made me emotional to start out with. But then, in a role reversal, I actually started feeling a little wistful for the constant, rapid beat of the traveling summer band. It confused me a little. So I decided to blog that next day. I wasn’t expected to. Finn wasn’t looking for any work from me over the break. But I needed to.

After composing my thoughts on my laptop, I sat in a semi-meditative state, wondering whether to send my writing piece to Reese and Finn or not. It was sappy. It wasn’t quite like the others I had written. It had more of the feel of what I had written after the Keys—my pseudo-letter to Jeff.

An incoming text physically shook me back to reality. I reached down for my phone and discovered Hawk’s name on it. I wasn’t much for signs, but the irony of him texting while I was getting sentimental about the roadie life seemed kind of cosmic.

I pressed to retrieve the whole message, wondering what was going on at their end. Was he meeting with Finn? Had something come up?

What time does your bus come into Pitt. on TH? I’ll pick U up.

Figuring he must have been, or still was, in a meeting with Finn and my transportation concern arose, I wanted to let both men off the hook. The last thing I needed was a stressed-out Hawk picking me up. I did not want to revisit my Nashville arrival. So my text back was honest and pure Maya. Tell Finn no. This was my decision to stay. I’ll find my own way back to camp.

I swear he must have been texting the second I pressed send… his response was that immediate. Finn’s not the 1 asking.

Good thing we weren’t live video chatting. My instant blush would have revealed too much. I smiled at his sweet sentiment and considered how to respond.

But he beat me to it. What time, Maya?

I could totally picture him with just those three texted words. He was confident I would give him the time yet exasperated I had initially wanted to handle the situation myself. When did I get to know him so well?

11:30 a.m. I texted back and then quickly followed up with, R U sure? If Finn has U doing a lot of things, I’ll get a cab.

He can wait. I’ll B there.

I loved his authoritative voice mixed with the repeated reassurance that he wanted to come and get me. Knowing it was what I wanted, too, along with not having the hassle of finding a cab, I typed back, Thx. I’d like that.

U got it.

I knew that was the natural close to our texting episode. But I didn’t want it to be. I had already been feeling emotional when he had first texted. And I still was. But I was also feeling a little light-hearted. So I decided to take a leap… even though we were probably still considered to be in the shallow end of the relationship pool.

Punch buggy parked I typed with suddenly clammy, shaky, nervous hands.

But I didn’t press “send.” I read it and reread it again making sure there weren’t any typos. It was as if it was a Pulitzer Prize submission.

He would get my meaning, right? He would appreciate it, right? It was just a cute close, right? It shouldn’t be so hard, damn it. Oh, God, there…I did it. I pressed send.

Waiting for his response was possibly even more painful. But there it came. That’s cruel, Maya. And then, just in case I needed clarification, which the insecure part of me most certainly did, he followed up with another text and a smiley. Looking fwd. to that ‘punch’ at the bus terminal.

I answered with a favorite Hawk term, U got it. and added a smile emoji of my own.

***

And after three days of shopping, meeting up with friends, and showering attention on Allante and my nephews, there I suddenly was, stepping off the Greyhound bus and following the line of passengers into the downtown Pittsburgh terminal. It was busy but certainly not a major hub. So I easily spotted my next handsome driver. Hawk stood tall just outside the row of chairs that made up the waiting area. Being away from him for a week seemed like a long time. And noticing the way he stood, watching me as I approached, without blinking once, told me the feeling was mutual. As a new relationship, we were taking baby steps but definitely stepping. First it had been on our long car ride a couple weeks before, when we got to know each other better, and then, ironically, being apart.

Just a step away, I lowered my eyelids in a rare display of shyness. But it didn’t last. I could feel his warmth, and I knew if I looked up, he would be staring at me with the squinting eyes I knew were classic Hawk. I smiled at my accurate assessment after once again meeting his gaze and taking the final step to him. Placing my carry-on down on the floor, I tipped up onto my toes and lingered my lips on his.

“Much better than a punch.” His smile was legitimate and so nice to see as he then leaned down to grab my bag in one hand and my hand in the other.

I liked that feel. That was something new, too. He had brushed my hand before, just like our lips had brushed. But a complete, hand-holding, not letting go, walk together was something beautifully new.

“The bus ride go all right?” His voice zoned me back in.

“Yeah,” I said, realizing the terminal truly wasn’t that big, and we were already moments from the main outside door. “You should have heard some of the stories I overheard from fellow seatmates. I should give the ideas to my author friends.”

“Really? Can’t be any crazier than the Finnatics.” Hawk referred to the ultimate Finn Murphy fans as he temporarily let go of my hand to open the main outside door.

“Who people have slept with, who has herpes, what daughter is marrying the wrong guy, who to vote for, why smoking is bad…. The list goes on and on.”

“Come on, really?”

I nodded my head to affirm as he took my hand again and started leading us down the street. “Yeah, a little different than the luxury musical home on wheels I have been used to.”

“You’re spoiled.” He shook his head in a teasing way.

“No doubt,” I admitted.

“We’re gonna make a stop and pick up some lunch for the crew.”

“Okay. Anything good? I’m starved.” That morning’s solo protein bar had long since worn off.

“How do you feel about fries on your sandwich?”

“On?” Did I hear him right?

“Just go with it. You’ll like it. It’s what the people around here call a ’burg thing.” I was finding out Hawk was, because of his years traveling with Finn, a scholar in the cultures of American cities.

“Yeah, well, I’m a Baltimore/DC gal, and we tend not to like anything Pittsburgh-related.”

“That’s sports.” He let out a legit chuckle. “Besides, you and Lara get along.” He noted that Lara Murphy’s hometown was just outside of Pittsburgh.

“True,” I admitted. “How did their visit go?” I knew Lara, Finn, and the kids were all bunking at her mom’s house.

“Finn will be ready to rock hard tonight.” Hawk said, and I realized we were at the car parked along the side of the street. “He’ll need to get some of his be-nice-to-mommy-in-law business out.” When I laughed, he opened the trunk and put my carry-on inside. “We went to a few breweries a couple of nights.”

“Geesh.” I was thankful my in-laws were tolerable. But then again, I never had to spend that long with them.

“How was your visit?” Hawk asked, as if reading my mind.

“It was good,” I said, and waited for him to close the trunk so I could look him in the eyes when I said the next part. “It’s good being back, though, too.”

He lightly, carefully, pushed me against the car door and then leaned his whiskery face onto mine. He kissed me with a little more intensity than ever before. It was still soft, and it was still nice, but it had the hunger of a missing-someone kiss. “It’s good having you back.”

***

When we got to camp, it was back to business almost immediately. Hawk was definitely wrapped up in all of the preshow hoopla, and I had to get my bearings again by contacting Reese. Pittsburgh was, actually, a two-night event. The venue wasn’t in the city itself but just outside of it and, because of its more intimate size, Finn sold out two nights in a row.

Then, the following week was a grueling one. There was one concert directly after the next, and picking up and traveling right as each show ended. As tired as I felt, it wasn’t anything compared to those who actually worked the events themselves.

Finally, things settled down for a night after the concert in Kansas City. We weren’t leaving town until the next afternoon, so it was a post-concert party night. I was feeling more and more comfortable sitting around with everyone and just chilling with some cold beverages. As much as Jeff’s family had become my own, the collective group of band and crew were beginning to be, also.

When everyone started dispersing for the night, Hawk walked me to my trailer. It was the first time in days we had actually gotten to spend any more than a passing moment together. And I was so glad to have the chance.

Regardless, I didn’t let on. “You know, I think I’m pretty capable of finding the trailer,” I teased.

“Really?” He went along with my humorous side. “You sure had trouble finding that ice.” He referred to our very first meeting.

“Ha, ha! You’re lucky I was there to save the day.”

“You’re right. I was definitely the lucky one.”

Ah, hell, I walked him right into that one without meaning to. But it sure was sweet…as was the kiss that followed. While we didn’t make a spectacle of it, we didn’t care if people knew something was happening between the two of us. That was why I didn’t completely stop the kiss but shortened it as Xristina, one of my bus mates, approached, smiled, and entered.

“Thanks for walking me to my door.”

“It’s kind of a thing with us, huh?” When I smiled in remembrance, he continued. “What are you doing tomorrow before we take off again?” Hawk asked.

“I don’t know. Why?”

“It occurred to me that we’ve never been on a date.”

His response threw me for a moment. What he said was true. I just hadn’t expected it. We certainly were acting like we had been dating. And the implied, upcoming question made me both happy and strangely nervous. I suppose because, in a way, it was formalizing our relationship.

Knowing neither of us wanted me to hesitate, I replied with a cutesy answer. “What’s all this kissing business been, then?”

“Very nice is what it’s been.” His smile was wide and genuine. I appreciated his serious side, but his smile—dang, when he let that out—it was amazing.

“I concur.”

“You free then…tomorrow?” he asked, making sure we got back to the question at hand.

“Yeah. Finn and Lara are taking the kids to the petting zoo.”

“I know.” He knew Finn’s schedule probably better than I did. “I have one of the cars. Anywhere you want to go?”

“I don’t know. What’s nearby?” I knew with the time constraints we wouldn’t have time for a real meal or movie. Plus, I didn’t know what he constituted as a date.

“There’s a little shopping area or a mini-golf place—”

“Yeah,” I replied.

“Which one?” He laughed through his nose.

“I know you don’t want to shop.” I understood that was just part of the male make-up. When he didn’t deny, I continued. “I’m not good at the golf thing, but it could be fun, right?” I missed the things that couples or people with kids did—mini-golf was definitely one of those activities you didn’t do by yourself or with a group of girlfriends.

“I’m sure it will be,” he said, and I swear he did the one sweep of my body with his eyes.

***

That next day, Hawk helped me putt the damn little orange golf ball up mini hills, around curves, and through traps. But he didn’t let me win. He did that pretty easily. It made me realize another thing about him. He was good at most sports and, while competitive, a humble winner.

We made it back just in time to board the buses and start out for the next city. Well, everyone that was, except for Hawk and Finn. They were heading to the airport so Finn could do a quick St. Jude’s event the following day and then meet up with us at the next stop the day after that.

Before he left, Hawk butterflied a few kisses on my lips. “See ya, Maya. We’ll look for another mini-golf course when I get back.”

“I’m going to be practicing,” I teased. “You better watch out.”

“You do that.” He smiled, brushed my hand, and left me sighing contently.