Every Mile a Memory

Chapter 12

“Oh, look who decided to show up.” Sitting at the hotel bar, Yogi, one of the few crew guys staying in Louisville, nodded in Hawk’s and my direction.

Hawk had agreed to meet up with him and fellow crew member Dominic, prior to his reentering our hotel room and seeing me in just my undies. He offered to cancel, but I didn’t want to. I was happy and energized and wanting to see the town, and Hawk was more than thrilled to be my personal tour guide.

Dominic, on the stool next to Yogi, chimed in with, “Did you two get tied up? Or…were you just on a mission-ary?” He smacked Yogi on the arm at his own sexual reference.

Hawk pulled out the tall bar chair for me. “You sat here this whole time and that was the best you could come up with?” He shook his head mockingly, as I sat down next to our two fellow roadies.

Probably fresh out of college, the dark-haired bartender placed two napkins in front of us as Hawk sat next to me. It made me look closer at the bar itself. Live fish were swimming inside it.

“Maya, what do you want?” Hawk asked.

Having been momentarily distracted by the fish, I refocused by first turning to the two smartass crew members and then to the bartender before saying, “A screaming orgasm on the rocks.”

As Dominic and Yogi practically spit out their drafts and Hawk’s eyes appeared to widen, the bartender smiled. “Really? Because I know how to make them.”

“Uh-huh.” I didn’t exactly know what I was ordering, but it sure did shut the two hecklers up. “I know someone else who might, too,” I whispered and scrunched my nose at Hawk.

Looking quite amused by my sass and relaxed state, Hawk shook his head and ordered a Kentucky Bourbon Barrel Ale. “Put it on the room.” He slid the key toward the bartender.

“I’ll get it.” I furrowed my brows at Hawk as the bartender walked off.

“Tip the guy. The rest is taken care of.”

Before I could argue, Yogi piped up. “So how do you like Louisville so far, Maya?”

“I haven’t seen much. And before you start with all the other innuendos, I was married to a cop, boys. There’s nothing like the city’s finest doing some beer talking. I could keep it up all night.”

“That’s what he said,” Hawk tipped his head with a smile.

“Don’t you get in on it, too!” I warned, but laughed just the same.

He placed his hand on top of mine as Dominic offered, “Sorry, Maya. We’re just joshing you…really more Hawk, here. We luv ya.”

Hawk rested his foot on the bottom of my chair just as the bartender placed our drinks in front of us. I twirled the little black straw around in the glass and then took a sip. Hawk watched from the top of the bottle raised to his mouth. But I couldn’t hide it.

“Pretty strong?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I admitted.

He tilted his head toward the drink in my hand, and I slid it toward him, knowing he wanted a taste himself. “It’s good,” he offered after a decent gulp and brought our mutually tasting mouths together in a kiss.

The four of us talked a little shop, discussed our plans for break, and then ventured out to, within walking distance, Fourth Street Live. There wasn’t a concert or special event going on that night, but you wouldn’t have been able to tell. The area was abuzz with people meandering in the middle of the closed-off street. I felt energized just being there. Having had a late lunch, none of us felt like eating at one of the restaurants. However, Dominic and Yogi wanted to go into the bar with the dueling pianos and drink, sing, and be merry. I felt like that was what we did every night on the road and decided to pass. I reassured Hawk he could go, but I knew it wasn’t really his scene, either. So the two of us parted ways with the single roadies and started making our way back toward the hotel.

We had one stop on the way, however. And what a delicious one it was. The Fudgery had every scrumptious, sinful kind of sweet you could imagine, from caramel apples to chocolate-covered pretzels. I just wanted its namesake, though. Hawk and I bought three different fudges to split—rocky road, chocolate nut, and creamy vanilla. We were nibbling on them as we reentered the Galt House and Hawk’s phone started to ring.

Glancing at the ID, he said, “Sorry. It’s Finn. I should take it.”

Just about to enter the hotel’s conservatory, I replied, “Go ahead. I need to check my stuff, too.”

“What’s up?” Hawk answered the phone and then, after a pause, said, “Thanks.” He listened to Finn as I pulled out my phone. “Great.” There was another pause on Hawk’s end before, “Yeah.” And then another pause and another, “Yeah.” Such guy talk. “No. It’s okay. I wouldn’t have answered it, chief, if it wasn’t.” Hawk looked at me as we both came to a natural stop in the conservatory. When I pointed toward the little gathering of empty seats, indicating I was going to rest there, he nodded back. He didn’t join me but instead walked back and forth in the area as if he were my private guard. The protective streak was so naturally embedded in him.

I crawled onto the ledge area that was not exactly a seat but gave me a fantastic view of the town since the conservatory was also a glass skywalk. I could hear Hawk talking with Finn, but I drowned out their conversation and instead got on to social media to post my latest location—Louisville. I did not, however, post the hotel’s name, in fear that somehow Finn’s fans would figure out my personal page and, God knows, do what.

What I did type in however was, Fudgery = the way to a woman’s heart.

Placing his phone back in his pocket, Hawk leaned over and looked at my screen. “I thought the screaming orgasm was.”

“I can add that.” I smirked.

“I would say ‘dare ya,’ but you just might.” He sat down next to me.

“What did Finn want? Everything is okay with you two, right?”

“I told you it is. Do you think he would have put us up here, if it wasn’t?”

“No. I know.” I did know. There was just that slightest bit of second-guessing. It was the part of me waiting for the rug to be pulled out from underneath me…again.

“Maya, Father’s Day just wasn’t a good day for him. And me? I was frustrated on so…” He paused and looked at me in a knowing way. “So many levels. Not so much anymore.” When he touched my nose, I blushed at his sexual innuendo. “So, to answer your question, the phone call was about…Clooney’s in town producing or directing a movie with Jennifer Lawrence. And because Clooney, Jennifer, and Finn are Kentuckians—is that the word?—they want to do the whole dinner thing. You know…be seen around town, promote themselves, the state, good freewill, all the shit. And also talk about getting Finn to do some songs for the soundtrack. It came up very suddenly.”

“Hmmm. Cool.”

It was way cool. While not usually star-struck, that news gave me some major food for thought. I didn’t let it show, though.

“So I need to set up some things on our end—make sure there’s proper security, service, you name it.”

“When are they meeting?”

“Friday. Got a couple days.” He put his phone solidly back in his pocket. “You ready to head up?”

“Yeah. Sure.” I placed my phone back in my purse and stood.

Hawk immediately took my hand in his. I loved that. Jeff had held my hand but only when he felt like there was a reason to—either romantically or in a situation where he felt there should be cautionary measures. Hawk did it automatically…all the time.

“Start thinking of places you want to see tomorrow,” he said as we made our way to the elevator, whose doors opened just as we approached.

It was on the very next floor when a huge crowd of people swarmed into the rising glass box with us. There was a convention taking place in the hotel and, by the noise and badges plastered on every shirt, it was obvious some sort of ceremony or dinner connected with it had just let out. Because we were the first ones on the lift, Hawk and I found ourselves being pushed to the very back of the elevator. I looked to the closing doors as more and more people actually wanted to enter.

“What’s the capacity on this?” I questioned, knowing we were way too far back to read the sign near the doors, and it was way too loud for probably even Hawk, standing next to me, to hear. “No. No. That’s enough. It’s not like there isn’t another elevator. Geez, wait an f-ing minute for the next one.”

I knew he heard me that time because he looked at me the best he could, considering we were smashed like sardines next to one another, and said, “Although there’s something to be said about togetherness.”

The sound that came from my mouth was nowhere near a complete word. It was a mix of a mumble and a cry. And it only partially reflected the terror I was experiencing.

“Mai? What’s wrong?” He noticed right away.

“I…I…” Every word included a big breath until I managed to spill out five all at one time. “I’m a little bit claustrophobic.”

It was something I didn’t advertise and certainly didn’t anticipate letting Hawk know about, especially on our first night together. But, God, right then, my symptoms were extreme. I was getting in major panic mode. I needed help. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I needed him to help me.

“I’d say more than a little,” he acknowledged, and I could see the concern hit his eyes. “Maya? What do you want to do? Do you want me to get them to stop the elevator, and we get off for a while?” Of course, our room was nearly at the top of the twenty-five stories, and we had started at single digits. “Maya?” he asked again when I didn’t immediately answer.

“It…will…take…just as…long…to do that,” I managed.

“Here.” He turned me so I could see out the back of the all glass elevator. He managed to squeeze behind me, surely shifting people around with his towering frame, but neither of us cared. Wrapping his arms around me from behind, he asked, “Does that help?”

“Yeah. Yeah,” I repeated. I wasn’t sure what was exactly helping—being able to see out or feeling the security of his arms—but it did a little. “Keep me distracted somehow.”

His mouth against my ear, he whispered, “If we weren’t in a glass elevator or with all these people, I would definitely know how I could do that.” His hand danced a little right below my breasts, managing to get a little belly laugh out of me. “I don’t want to see any of the Abe Lincoln stuff tomorrow. You good with not doing that?” He continued talking, which was really the distraction. And he was smart asking me a question because it forced me to concentrate on what he was saying, not on…on—

“Sure.” I spit out.

“Churchill Downs? Historic district? We could go into Indiana.”

“Uh-huh.” I could feel his head swing around as the car stopped and only a couple people, of course, got off.

While I was trying to think what Indiana had to do with anything, Hawk spoke as the elevator started to lift again. “Maya, geez. How come you’re like this? You’re all right on the buses, right?”

Um…uh…well… Again, it wasn’t something I liked to draw attention to.

“The buses, Mai?” he prompted again when I didn’t verbalize. “They’re not exactly roomy.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Yeah. Don’t really enjoy them so much,” I admitted.

With the “bing” of the elevator, Hawk firmly took my hand and started getting us through the group smashed in the glass coffin with us. We were finally on our floor. Two people got off with us but headed in the other direction. I took a couple deep breaths as I saw the elevator doors close and resume their tower of terror upward.

Feeling like I was gaining some of my composure back, I tried to continue the line of conversation more rationally. “I tore the drape thing off my bunk right away.” I spoke of the bus’s individual sleeping compartments. “And”—I touched his hand as we started walking down the hall toward our room—“I love when you’re driving one of the cars.”

“Ouch.” He turned to me mid-stride. “Well, that left a mark! I thought you just wanted to be with me.”

“I do.” I tried a smile, but I was still really trying to concentrate on regulating my breathing again. It felt better that we weren’t in the elevator, but even the long, narrow hallway was a little stifling. “It’s definitely a win-win.” I spoke of Hawk’s driving, while looping my arm around his back.

“Want to stop a sec?” he asked, most likely feeling the vigor of how I clung to his side.

“No. I’m good.” I nearly got the complete thought out before he literally swept me off my feet. I was suddenly tossed and cradled into his arms as he continued to walk down the hall. “Geez, put me down. I’m okay.”

“I don’t mind.” His eyes were so close to mine as he continued. “You’re usually so self-assured and strong. Besides, you told me you like me protecting you. And I like doing it…apparently, especially in hotels.”

With a soft smile, I managed to laugh at myself. “Silly how a packed, enclosed box will do me in every time.”

“Do you know why?”

“Put me down, and I’ll tell you.” After a couple steps, he granted my request, and I repaid him with the answer to his question. “The car accident my dad was killed in?”

“Yeah?”

“I was the only other passenger. It was later at night. And from what they pieced together, he fell asleep driving. We went off the road and down a deserted embankment area. Because it was at night, no one saw the accident. When they found us at daybreak, my dad was dead. The front was totally smashed in. They said he died instantly. And I was trapped. The front passenger seat was pretty close to me. I was asleep, but it was obvious I had been crying.”

When he looked at me, I could see the mix of sympathy and concern. “I read a little about it online after, well, after you told me who your dad was.”

“Yeah. I figured you might. Anyway,”—I continued as we neared the room and he got the key out of his pocket—“that’s what my grandma always blamed my claustrophobia on.”

“Well, yeah, it definitely makes sense. It also explains how conscientious you are about making sure I’m awake enough to drive.”

“Yeah,” I lamented as he inserted the key. “Sorry. I can be a little pesty about that.”

His eyes squinted at the same time his nose scrunched. “You look like him…your dad.”

“Yeah?” I relaxed into a bit of a grin.

“Definitely your smile.” He touched the upper, right corner of my lip. “The way it goes up just a little bit there.”

“Yeah. But my eyes are closer to my mom’s, and I definitely have her widow’s peak.” When he tilted his head in question, I lifted my bangs to reveal the slight V shape dip of my hairline in the middle of my forehead. I had always hated it and the name and, therefore, always wore bangs. After I explained it and the irony for both me and my mother, I quickly changed the subject. “Thanks for talking me off the ledge.”

“You sure you’re okay? This room might be a little small,” he jested at the ginormous size of the suite, while double-checking to make sure the door was shut behind us. “Or do you still need me to distract you?” There was a little of that seductive tone back in his voice.

“Yeah, I might need a little help yet,” I bounced back, reaching for his belt.

“You know, the very first words you said to me were ‘Take off your belt.’”

Ha! That probably was true. I laughed and then tried to think of his words to me. Not knowing exactly, I countered with, “The first thing you did was throw me into your hotel room.”

“It was meant to be.” And he gave me a full-fledged grin.

Hawk made love to me slowly and gently, as if he truly was calming me from my panicked state. And his kisses on my body and in my hair afterward were as soothing as a warm bubble bath on a yearlong vacation. In fact, so much so, they put me right to sleep.

***

When I woke, it was the middle of the night, and Hawk was not in bed with me. Adjusting my eyes, I realized he was not even in the bedroom. A little concerned, I tossed on the shirt I had previously been wearing and wandered out to the lamp-lit living room area.

Stretched out on his side, Hawk was sound asleep on the sofa. His laptop, on the nearby coffee table, stood propped open, as if waiting for his fingers to drum on the keyboard. He looked comfortable enough. But even in sleep, he seemed serious.

I wondered if I should wake him. Would he want me to? Or was it the opposite? After all, why had he gone out to the sofa in the first place? Did he not want to sleep next to me? Or was it something else? I touched his laptop, but it had gone to sleep and was no use in solving the late-night sofa mystery.

Shaking my head at trying to figure out another one of the newly dating roadmaps, I settled on getting the extra blanket from the bed and resting it on top of him. It was the non-mom mom part of me. When he shifted a little into the blanket and became more relaxed, I turned off the light and ventured back into the bedroom. It had been an exhausting, emotional day, and my mind, completely wide awake, was thinking of it all.