Do not overread comprehension

Chapter 8

"Manager" I casually raised my head from the box containing the oden, and asked amidst the steaming heat, "I'm going to buy a wisteria-flavored perfume recently, what do you think? Is it suitable for me?"

It was pouring rain outside the door, Osamu Dazai sat not far away, propped his chin, turned his head when he heard the words, and looked at us with no expression.

The owner was silent for a while, and said, "I'm allergic to wisteria, please change it."

I smiled and asked him: "Okay, which one do you think is suitable for me?"

"...daisy" he was silent for a longer time "you are suitable for daisy."

I carried a convenience bag and walked in the alley without street lights, ignoring Osamu Dazai who was always following behind me.

My mind is in a mess right now.

I can't help thinking

In the end, Mr. Shopkeeper couldn't survive.

It was as if someone took a blunt knife in my heart and cut a hole in my heart one by one.

I am very depressed.

I don't know why I'm sad.

But

I'm really sad

but that's all

"Zhi" I called his name, "You haven't taken out "The Righteous Man" yet, have you? Can you return it to me?"

He took it out of his pocket, a thin piece of paper, he carefully folded it neatly, and put it in his pocket.

I took out the lighter, and burned the manuscript in front of his rarely surprised eyes widened unconsciously.

I let go of my hand and let the fire fall to the ground, extinguishing clearly.

"You shouldn't be holding "The Righteous Man"" I looked at him with a smile on my face, "I will bring you the new manuscript tomorrow, you should come and get it early."

"The name of the manuscript?"

I threw him the pen he picked up

"The name is "Father and I"."

【"I have a father"

The little me in kindergarten, standing on the podium, reading the composition I wrote

"I have a father"

On the composition paper are children's unique chubby fonts.

"I have a father."

"A tall, strong, funny father who loved me very much."

"I love him more than my mother."

"He's a boxer"

"He has great strength and can lift me up high, as if he could reach the blue sky."

"His personality is humorous, and he often disregards the face of adults and laughs and quarrels with me."

"He likes to smoke, and he smokes a pack every time. He never stops talking, and he will spit smoke rings on my face."

"He likes to drink, and has many drinking friends, as if he can drink together from all over the world."

"Although he never comes home."

"Although my mother forbids me to approach him."

"Although there are always many people who come to look for my father, every time they can't find them, they will break things at home and bully my mother."

"But, I still love him."

"Because he's my father."

When I was a girl, I stood alone in a dark and dirty corner, covered my bleeding eyes, and said angrily

"I have a father."

"I wish I hadn't."

"This father strangled his daughter, leaned against the wall, and beat her with his fists."

"This father, before his child was born, kept lingering in Wenrou Township, deceiving everyone."

"This father has no job, keeps borrowing money, keeps taking loans, abandons his wife and children, and has no responsibility."

"This father, who is sick and unable to deceive his child, became angry from embarrassment, and was just a little bit close to beating her blind."

"This father, who is worse than a beast, actually lied in front of everyone that his child is a prostitute, just because she didn't drop out of school and go home to work to raise him."

"This father, for his own self-interest and disregarding human relations, actually sold his teenage daughter to an old man who was dying and didn't know him."

"I hate him."

"I want him dead."

I knelt in the cold snow.

"I have a father."

"He passed away today."

"The complexion is pale, the expression is painful, and he died in his sleep."

"Uncle and uncle advised me to be sensible and asked me to forgive him."

"It's ridiculous."

"This tone is like saying that I was the one who did something wrong."

"Grandma wants to kick me out of the house and leave me no inheritance."

"I didn't even want to."

"She didn't intend to give it to me."

"One or two, it's really disgusting, pretending to be a loving mother, a filial son, and a respectful brother and friend."

"In order to punish me, they left me alone in the mourning hall."

"Let me kneel on the cold ground."

"I knelt for five days and six nights."

"The legs are completely numb."

"Ah, it's okay, just keep torturing me."

"I'm his only child."

"Let this dirty bloodline be completely cut off in my generation."

At the age of 22, I stopped.

"Oh, my father?"

"I haven't thought of him for a long time."

"I now have a job I really love and I don't think about him anymore."

"I'm living a good life now. I don't have to be forced to go out, and I don't have to deal with unfamiliar people. I have nothing to do every day except thinking about what to eat and what to write."

"I think this kind of life is very good, please don't judge my life."

"Father? What kind of father do I want?"

"Probably a completely different person from my father."]

I smiled and handed the written "Father and Me" to Osamu Dazai.

"Miss Huahuo" he looked at me and asked softly, "When will you be back?"

I rubbed his hair: "When you see the world in your eyes, I will come back."

The tram was coming soon, I smiled and waved him goodbye.

The moment I turned to leave, I heard the voice of Mr. Shopkeeper.

Holding a black umbrella, he ran towards me under the hot sun.

"Fireworks!"

This is the first time I've seen the owner-san look so flustered.

I stopped and walked against the flow of people towards him.

"Mr. Shopkeeper" In the end, I still couldn't reach his side, so I had no choice but to raise my hand, "Wait for the next time, when I come back, please be my father!"

"So, please, don't die!"

"Please! I will find a way to save you! Please don't die!"

I was pushed and shoved by the crowd and got on the tram.

Through the car window, I saw Osamu Dazai handing the manuscript to the owner.