novelraw Chapter 1392 Weaknesses - Murder on my mind?
Chapter 1392 Weaknesses - Murder on my mind?
If it was a perfect world and I was the luckiest fucking man alive, I wouldn't mind being with the women I care and long for but yeah, if I was given a choice, I'd 100% stick to where I was already. It was just a deep rabbit hole if I started to talk about different circumstances—because honestly, I could have gone either way with both or any of them besides Kaley and Aoi-san.
'But if this end-of-the-world thing didn't happen, realistically speaking, there's a higher chance I could've ended up with Aoi-san because I did give Kaley space when I saw her with someone else through social media from way, way~ back...'
Truth be told, if I just went as is, I doubt I would've met with the people in our circle under normal circumstances—besides a few obvious ones like Mimi, Dr. Nichols, and Chloe from my old uni—since when could someone had the chance to meet a Russian soldier, affiliates from a drug cartel, a president's mistress, an Admiral's daughter, etc.
In any case, I tried to engage Marisha about what I went through but since she was trying to make me see through my own eyes the mistake that I supposedly have, she was more cryptic in the advice she gave to me.
How I wish this was one of those sim games I used to play before when I could just read about her inner thoughts—but nada, and yeah, I think it was a little weird to include the mom of ma wife in this particular simulation.
Olivia cut in again though, "I mean~ Mom, isn't it better for him to not know his weakness? Whatever it is?"
Marisha shook her head lightly, "That arrangement could work for some people but with our dear Sky over here, I think— no, I'm sure he'd love to know what it is so he could work on it."
I nodded, "I agree— though the figuring it out myself part makes my head itch a little bit."
"We still got time though, just call in if you ever have the time—"
"Nah, I'll make time for this. Seems important now that I stumbled upon it just from trying to learn something adjacent to it. But yeah, thanks for the advice for that other thing too, Marisha. If I may ask though, have you done the same thing to Kaley and Olivia?"
Marisha chuckled as the two looked away, "I'm pretty sure you know what Kaley's weakness is—and I'm gonna be surprised if you also knew of Olivia's but yeah, we've done it in a more casual setting."
Kaley then nudged me, "So, let's put it to a test— what do you think is my—"
"Extremely Hypersexual yet having Self-worth issues—"
Kaley got up in my face, "Yet? How are they connected?!"
"I mean— not to talk down to you or anything since we're just having a discussion but... we've talked about this a lot before, actually."
"We talked about what?"
"You know, umm~ How do I put this... Ah. Let's just say I see you as a 110— no, a 130 but you see yourself as an 80."
Kaley then harrumphed, "It's— Isn't it a matter of self-opinion?"
"I mean— That's exactly it, no? Don't get me wrong, slightly underestimating yourself has its good sides too—"
"Hah? How?"
"Well~ In a sense, this might sound bleak—but do hear me out, okay?"
"Alright, I'm listening..."
"Well, if you think you aren't enough for something, that just breeds the desire to work on it, right? And let's say you don't think yourself as worthy for that particular something forever, that means you'd endlessly work on yourself to be the better you until the end."
"Ah..."
"That might sound tiring but I dunno about you, it is like working out in a sense. You might not achieve your dream physique but as you work out and look after yourself endlessly, it is doing more good than being content and then slowly letting yourself go."
"Hmm... I guess... I guess it's one way to look at it?"
"Yeah, of course. Do know that some people don't even work on themselves yet they feel content already. It might be a good thing—and what most of us were after—but if they're making the scale spin three times over, it's a totally different story in itself, no?"
"Right..." Kaley trailed as she nodded pensively.
"And yeah, I love you. Like a fucking lot. I'll let you know you're doing good when you're feeling inadequate and I'll give you some tough love when you feel alright when you're actually letting yourself go. I'll check you like a responsible partner would and I hope you check me as I would too."
"..."
"Heh. Well to save us some time, I get easily furious when someone talks shit about my loved ones, I tend to scrounge up everything I can yet I'm a little wasteful at times, like you—I just speak out loud without thinking of the consequences, and yeah, I try to do everything at once and it would just start to overwhelm me, causing stress and lots of other shit."
"..."
"What?"
"Eh. Seems boring, for some reason."
"Olivia—/You—" Marisha and Kaley tried to cut in but I was first.
"Boring? Yeah, sure. Are you looking for some dark shit? I can tell you lots but you'd see me differently after that. Are you ready?"
"Ah— U-Umm..."
"Alright, that's a no—"
"W-Wait! Tell me one! Just one and I'll be okay with that! Please?!"
"You sure?"
"Really?"
"Yes!"
I scratched my head as I looked down for a bit but when I looked her in the eye and saw that she was serious, I glanced at Kaley and Marisha first before I said anything. And seeing that they were also curious as to what I would say, I just sighed and shrugged my shoulders before I opened my mouth and looked at Kaley:
"Remember when you told me that I had this gaze where it feels like I scan you from top to bottom?"
Kaley thought for a bit, "From the airport?"
"Yeah, sure." Your journey continues with empire
Olivia cut in, "What was that about?"
"Well~ You know how intrusive thoughts work, right?"
"Y-Yeah?"
"I get them from time to time like a normal person would but ever since that incident, the lines have started to blur and sometimes, I'd wonder if it was really intrusive thoughts or just my own.
Because sometimes, when I scan people, a bit of data would enter my head like their height, their probable weight, what they were wearing, hair color, eye color, their three measurements, etc., but more often than not, I'd see blade paths without even thinking of 'em consciously."
"Blade paths?" Olivia asked as she tilted her head.
I tried my best not to turn my killing intent on as I stared right at her, "You know, the paths my blade could take to go through your body—and depending on my mood, it could be the most brutal one or the most efficient one.
And let me tell you, sometimes, it just looks so perfect that it would've been a shame if I didn't act on it—but before I do said stupid shit, I'll see your faces and it'll turn back to normal."
Marisha cut in, "Was there... Was there a time when... W-When it didn't return to normal?"
"No."
"I see. So they are still intrusive thoughts."
"Having murder on my mind?"
Olivia never looked so amused, "Isn't that a song?"
"Pfft... Olivia, stop..." Kaley chuckled as she looked away.