novelraw Chapter 185 : Chapter 185
Chapter 185 : Chapter 185
Chapter 185: Greed (3)
I still don't know well how it happened.
-Shabby.
-My dear.
Only, someone who occupied her body said so, and cut Kandenkel.
If asked who that someone is…… there was only one answer Ellen could give.
‘Me.’
That Grand Duke Elaine seen in the dream, the me in the dream said Harad was shabby and killed Kandenkel.
How is such a thing possible.
How Grand Duke Elaine occupied her body, what the dream is exactly, and what secret Harad holds.
Ellen hasn't figured out the answer yet.
‘Magic.’
Just vaguely guessing it's something magical.
Elaine in the dream was a man.
A woman pretending to be a man like Ellen.
However.
-So keep in mind.
-Harad is mine.
That fierce glare seen sometime ago.
-Didn't I say.
-Harad is mine.
The mocking.
No, that jealous voice was definitely a woman.
“What is your relationship?”
Ellen thought that alone was enough.
Although there are heaps of things she doesn't know…… she was certain about at least one thing.
“That woman is the owner, right?”
That now is my turn.
* * *
‘Recognized.’
Ellen.
Deduced that Elaine in the dream popped out.
……And asked if that Elaine is the owner.
That I am Elaine.
Or revealing that Elaine is a woman.
Does Ellen know that fact?
‘Can't be.’
She wouldn't have thought that far.
Ellen isn't that deep a woman.
“I mean the dream the Grand Heir has. That magic related to you and your secret.”
Not a woman whom deception suits.
Frank in everything, a woman who must show her feelings to be satisfied.
“Actually, I started having them too recently.”
“……?”
Commit first, fix later.
That skill is close to a mess.
“It seems to be magic cast on Serzila, not the Grand Heir.”
Ellen was shameless.
It was boldness typical of her.
“You don't know how surprised I was talking with the Grand Heir.”
“That is surprising.”
Wondered if this was right, but Harad played along.
“Why did you keep it secret until now?”
“Just because. You have many secrets too, right? That's why.”
“Fooled me good.”
It was a groundwork for smooth conversation.
Must mean she can't bring up what she wants without laying it out beforehand. Logic isn't important. At least to Ellen.
“At first, I thought you were disappointed in me. Because I was weak. Because I lost.”
“Can't be.”
Harad smiled bitterly.
“Then why did you avoid me?”
“Avoided…….”
“If you say no, I will go back as is.”
“…….”
Harad shut his mouth tight.
Ellen, liking that attitude, smiled blandly.
“I killed Kandenkel. No, killed with this hand.”
Ellen showed her hand to Harad.
“The sensation still doesn't disappear. Killed with this hand. Or with this.”
She asked while caressing her index finger with the opposite hand.
It was a question, but the answer was set.
“This hand killed him, but I didn't kill him. Someone else occupying my body like magic killed him.”
“Correct.”
Occupied.
Meaning Ellen felt that way.
“That someone called you ‘my dear’. Saying you are shabby.”
“She did.”
“That person knows you. You too. Don't answer. You'll say it's a secret. Or can't speak.”
Ellen pointed at Harad’s heart.
Both were correct.
Because of the restriction, Harad had to make secrets habitual.
“Are you close?”
Can answer.
No, Harad noticed the restriction was forcing him to answer.
“Very.”
“Owner. Right?”
“Correct.”
Ellen clenched her fist.
“How far did you go?”
“Didn't mix tongues.”
“Before you said you didn't even hold hands…… with my body?”
Ellen’s eyes narrowed while speaking.
Harad nodded.
“Was it good?”
“It was unexpected.”
“So you are avoiding me?”
“That's not it.”
Harad shook his head.
“Then?”
“Secret…….”
“No it's not.”
Ellen pointed at Harad’s heart again.
She had felt the restriction before. Seemed like she felt it now too.
“It's not a secret.”
Perhaps now she feels it more clearly.
Dream. Through that memory, Ellen became stronger.
Thanks to that, she cut Avery Aquins' Manifestation.
This time was beyond that.
Elaine of the past life manifested directly, like an Origin.
Like that, cut Kandenkel with Ellen’s body.
Hand taste. Ellen remembered that sensation.
“I roughly get it. Don't know why, but in the dream, Elaine is the Grand Heir. Also the Grand Duke, and a man, but simultaneously a woman. Might wonder what kind of bullshit this is, but anyway it is so.”
Ellen’s words were a mess.
Because she wanted to be frank while hiding her identity.
“I don't know what I'm saying either. But you understand. Since you acknowledged the woman dwelling in my body as the owner.”
But she pointed out the core accurately.
“Female Grand Heir, no, Grand Duke, no, Elaine…… Ah. I'll just call her that bitch.”
“…….”
Harad felt the restriction dwelling in his heart squirm.
It didn't move further.
“That bitch kissed you with my body.”
“Correct.”
“I don't remember that.”
Elaine of the past life manifested in Ellen’s body.
Just like magic.
“I think it will be like this in the future too. The more I dream. Right?”
“Correct.”
It will be so.
“See. I told you I roughly get it. Don't know the reason or process, but I know how it turns out, the result.”
Aside from the messy process, she pointed out the conclusion accurately.
But Ellen had a frustrated face.
“But I don't know why you are avoiding me.”
“…….”
Body taken.
Someone else occupied it, and the person herself was ignorant of that time.
It is a serious matter.
At least if it were Harad, it would be so.
If the opponent in front knows the cause, Harad would have tried to find out by any means.
Wouldn't hesitate to use force if necessary.
But Ellen didn't look serious.
No, must be serious.
“Why are you avoiding me. I'm not even that bitch who stole your lips.”
But that problem is more serious to her than that.
“What did I do wrong.”
“…….”
Me.
“The fault lies with me.”
So had to be frank.
* * *
Looking back.
In the past life, he was never frank. Never put something down.
Private life when just the two seemed free, but that place was eventually inside a birdcage.
Elaine lived trapped in the name Serzila all along.
Harad wasn't strong enough to shoulder it instead.
Shouldering together was the best he could do, and a burden is something one cannot put down alone.
Would it have been different if he forced her to put it down.
……Reason knows it's a useless assumption.
Regressed to do so.
Isn't the same person right in front of the eyes.
Only, Elaine once said the Mage’s main body is the vessel.
Coincidentally, Ellen was like that too.
That vessel says.
‘……Different person.’
Elaine of the past life was the Grand Heir, and the Grand Duke.
To Harad, she was the lord, and the closest friend in the world.
Harad caressed his lips.
That Elaine was actually a woman, and loved him, only hit home recently.
Elaine holding out a bouquet in the nonsense dream Manoa showed was infinitely beautiful.
Wanted to see the smile she made while pressing lips together again.
‘Different person.’
The more he did.
Harad realizes she is a different person.
It is a sense of disparity arising because he realized Elaine is alive.
Ellen doesn't smile like Elaine.
Even if she ages as much as Elaine of the past life, it will be so.
With the same face, if Ellen and Elaine smile side by side…… Harad is confident he can distinguish easier than anything.
‘Mistake.’
Regression had to be different from the past life.
But the button called Elaine had to be buttoned in the same order.
Shouldn't have met Ellen.
Same button, but buttoned differently.
Like that, it became a different clothes. Relationship changed, and she became a different person.
In front of the eyes.
The image of that cute Ellen becoming Elaine someday wasn't drawn at all in Harad’s head.
No matter how much time passes, whatever happens, Ellen will grow as Ellen.
……Realized that fact.
“Because I have no face to see you. So I avoided you. That is the first reason.”
Can't take responsibility.
Then shouldn't have touched.
Giving hope, and taking away.
Someday that Ellen will disappear.
“What about the second?”
“Dream.”
Leaving the rational realm.
Leaving aside all the messy superfluities Ellen added to hide her identity, like that she dreams too.
Now is the time to be emotional.
Logic isn't important. Like Ellen. Or like fire.
“The culprit of the dream is me.”
“I know.”
“If you hang out with me, you and the Grand Heir dream.”
Ellen had a blasé expression.
As if asking why say what she already knows.
“So?”
“The moment the owner occupies your body will come in the future too. The more you dream. Maybe more frequently.”
Don't know if frequently.
But, someday that Ellen becomes Elaine.
‘Not Ellen.’
That much was certain.
Stone of Regression works like that.
“Isn't it what you wanted?”
“…….”
“Try dreaming until you know if you don't know. You said that.”
Words said to Grand Heir Elaine.
Harad forced the dream.
It was an unimportant point now.
Departed from rational thinking. That was the same for Ellen.
No, thinking about it, Ellen was always like that.
She was more fire-like than anyone.
“Correct. It is what I wanted.”
“Then why avoid? Should make me dream.”
“But I don't want to.”
Want but don't want.
He handled Kandenkel’s corpse sloppily hoping Ellen dreams.
Avoided Ellen hoping she doesn't dream.
“You are Ellen.”
“I know.”
“But the owner isn't Ellen. Different woman.”
That is the conclusion the vessel named Harad reached.
“So you are keeping distance? Afraid I dream and become that bitch completely?”
“If so, that won't be you.”
“Afraid that bitch occupies my body, and I disappear forever.”
Ellen muttered as if talking to herself.
She understood perfectly.
“How do you want to do it?”
“Don't know.”
Want Elaine to return.
But want Ellen not to disappear.
“You, are you Harad?”
“What?”
“Didn't someone else enter like me? Then should I call him that bastard? Or that fucker?”
Harad narrowed his brow at the unintelligible words.
“Isn't it so. The Harad I know taught the Grand Heir to live however the fuck she wants. Me too.”
“Because you guys are Serzila.”
“Then why can't you?”
It was a regression for Elaine.
Harad had to live for Elaine.
“It's a secret.”
Yet Harad is hesitating.
“Not really.”
Ellen, who was watching quietly, snorted.
“Whatever. I won't live however the fuck I want either. Will tell the Grand Heir to do so too. Students follow only if the teacher shows an example.”
The need for her to behave however the fuck she wants disappeared.
Since she knows how regression works.
But Harad frowned unwittingly.
“Doing this itself is greed to me.”
Then Ellen grinned as if she had been waiting.
“I know. So actually I'm glad. Happy too. Means you can't choose. Between me and that bitch.”
Don't know if it means the same, but at least the words are correct.
Harad doesn't want to choose.
“I don't know well how you lived, but I know one thing. You are clumsy. Don't know how to be greedy. Like Shura.”
Me?
Harad crumpled his brow.
“You told Shura, to do whatever she wants.”
He did. Shura had the qualification.
“I will convey those words exactly. You have the qualification too. At least to me.”
Ellen granted Harad the same qualification.
Arrogant if arrogant.
“I wish you live however the fuck you want too.”
Not choosing is also a choice.
Ellen was saying so.
“If you don't know what you want to do, behave however the fuck you want until you know.”
Don't need to choose now.
“Since I'm confident.”
Ellen smiled confidently.
“You are scared, you. Because I'm weak, afraid I'll be eaten. Afraid I'll disappear.”
“…….”
“Wrong. I am stronger than you think. Getting stronger, and will become much stronger than now. More than that bitch.”
Ellen took a step closer.
“I don't disappear.”
Ellen put her hand on Harad’s collar.
Although she didn't apply force, Harad thought it was strong.
“So don't avoid me.”
“…….”
“Hang out with me, and make me dream.”
Because the more I do, the stronger I will become.
Ellen spoke as if whispering. Her lips touched Harad’s ear.
“And look at me.”
Lips that touched the ear brushed down the cheek.
Ellen, standing on tiptoe, pressed her forehead against his.
Nose tips touched. Like that, two eyes met as if overlapping.
“Don't forget these eyes.”
“…….”
“These are my eyes. Ellen’s eyes.”
Heart beat.
Also a restriction.
“How do they look?”
“Fiery.”
“And?”
“Bright.”
Enough to be blinding.
“My eyes will continue to be like this.”
“……Seems like it.”
“So you do whatever the fuck you want too. Without regrets.”
“…….”
This woman won't disappear.
Harad felt such vagueness.