Born of Silicon

Book 5 Chapter 55

It takes a few hours before people end up going to bed. It was already late when we started, I’m surprised they went as long as they did. Cassie ends up having to carry Daisy downstairs. She tried so incredibly hard to stay up with everyone. Lucas leaves at the same time, wanting to catch up with his group at some point tonight.

“You going to be ok Little Blue?” Vince asks.

“Yeah. I’m already feeling a little better. Get some sleep.”

“Alright, good night then.” He and Ivy both leave, leaving just me and Corax alone. They’re gone for barely a minute before my mind demands I return to work.

I’m good enough to check on a few things. Monary is going to yell at me if I connect to the network, but I’m good enough to move.

I step up, only for a familiar pain to bloom in my ear.

“I’m not going to tax myself.” I promise Corax. “I’m feeling alright.”

He doesn’t bite me again, but he’s obviously unhappy. It’s fine. I’ll take it slow.

I head for the stairs and climb up onto the roof. The place is abandoned, all the bodies that defended the cities are off somewhere else, helping repair the damage most likely.

I walk to the edge of the roof and look over the edge. Even this late, the city is busy beneath the reactivated dome. Parties are raging all throughout the city, and even from here I can hear music and laughter.

It’s lonely being disconnected. I didn’t even realize how much I’m always focused on. I’m always paying idle attention to the ever-busy network and always monitoring vast portions of the city at any given time. But now all that is quiet. I’m just me, and nothing more. Just like I was for so long. But all that already feels like so long ago.

My hand drifts to my chest, almost without thinking. A skin plate slides to the side and I reach in, grabbing onto a letter I always carry with me. I pull it out and look at the front, taking in the faded handwriting.

Blue

I just stare at it. It barely even feels like it's directed to me. It barely even feels connected to my life.

“Are you going to open it?” A voice beside me asks. I look to the side and, for the first time in a long time, I see Kara, leaning against the railing a short distance away.

“Should I?” I ask back.

“Why are you asking me?” Kara shrugs. “I’m not her. I’m not even real.”

“Right.” I flip the letter over and run my hand along the glued flap. “She didn’t want me to read it.”

“I’ll tell you what. I’ll write my story in a letter and give it to you in a year.” The Kara next to me says, a perfect imitation of her voice.

“After you’re gone.” I repeat my answer back to her.

“Mm-hmm. Hopefully by then, you’ll have learned not to open it.” The Kara next to me finishes.

“But would she have changed her mind?” I ask. “If we had more time. If we mind-ripped her. If the real her was beside me this whole time. What would she do then? Was she protecting me, or running away from herself?”

Kara just shrugs again.

I slip my thumb under the flap. The glue that once held it together has long since broken down. The slightest force causes the flap to disconnect from the rest of the envelope.

“What happened?” I asked so long ago.

“Nothing I want to relive.”

I already made her relive it when she wrote it. She relived it for nothing right now. The stress of writing it meant nothing, and it’ll remain that way if nobody ever reads it. Although maybe it helped her? Writing my experiences with E-1 helped me come to terms with so much.

With a simple move of my thumb, the flap opens. The paper behind it is old and discolored, but still in one piece. I carefully pinch the top and slide off the envelope.

Corax presses into my cheek, not to make a decision for me, just an ever present reminder of his support, whatever I do.

The paper creaks as I unfold it. The pen on the inside is still a vibrant blue, stark against the yellowed paper.

Blue,

Hey kid, don’t feel bad about reading this. I knew you would, I’m just not sure if you would right away, or if you’d wait a few weeks. Guess it just depends on how much you grew. Hell, maybe you’ll last a year if I really manage to teach you something.

Sorry I couldn’t last longer. I’m sure I tried. I just hope I managed to hide the worst of my illness from you. If we don’t get a chance to talk about it when I’m close to the end, just know I’m so damn proud to have been a part of the group that made you. As long as the military doesn’t swallow you whole, you’re going to do great things. I know it. I’ll be watching from above the whole way.

If they ever let you out of that crummy lab and let you visit my grave, do me a big favor. Bring a ham and cheese sandwich, half for me, and half for Jessica. She’ll be right next to me. Just leave them there, we’ll come around and get them when you’re not looking.

As for the reason I wrote this letter, I’m sure you’ve been dying to know for the past year. Jessica, my daughter -

I fold the letter closed, clutch it to my chest, and begin to bawl. I cry loudly, as loud as my speaker will let me, just desperately trying to clear my mind of emotions.

She loved me. This whole time. She wouldn’t have blamed me for what happened.

A set of arms wraps around me, and I lean into Kara.

“I’m sorry.” I whisper into her between my wails. “I’m sorry. I should have known. I should have… this whole time. I’m so sorry.”

Kara doesn’t say anything. There’s nothing for her to say. I already have everything I could ever want from her clutched right here in my arms. I don’t need the rest. I don’t want the rest of the letter. But this, her kind words, are all I need.

A second set of arms joins the first. I glance to the side and see Cassie’s face. She doesn’t say anything, doesn’t question anything. Just holds me tight.

It takes long minutes for me to finally quiet down. I lean heavily into Cassie, and she helps roll me onto my back, my head in her lap. I look up at her emerald eyes and the moon’s glow behind her.

“Kara was proud of me.” I whisper. “I read her letter, and…” I’m forced to stop talking as my emotions threaten to overwhelm me once again.

“That’s so fucking good to hear.” Her hands trace up the side of my head and into my hair, slowly running her fingers through it.

I close my eyes and let myself recover, just enjoying the sensation of her fingers. I don’t know how long I actually stay there, but my emotions do eventually even out.

“I’m ok.” I reassure her and Corax. I force myself to sit up, slide the letter back into its envelope, and store it once again beneath my skin. Cassie probably isn’t comfortable sitting on the ground like that. I stand up fully and head over to lean against the railing around the roof.

Cassie takes one of the spots beside me, and the rest of the scientists line up on the other side. The eight of us silently stare at the moon high above us.

“Oh, Casise, I almost forgot. I’ve been thinking.”

“Uh-oh.” She mumbles with a smile.

“It’s nothing bad! I’ve just had a lot of time to think before today. I have a lot of processing power to spare, and it has to go somewhere, you know? And there’s a project that I’ve been working on. It should be possible! But it’ll take a few years and the support of our city, the AI city, and maybe even some of our neighbors. Monary can watch the city for a few months, and we’ll still have a connection if something goes wrong, but-”

“Blue, what is it?” Cassie cuts me off.

“Do you want to go to the moon with me?”