Black Badger

Chapter 336: Confrontation (2)

Kairos didn’t move even after closing the hospital room door, standing pressed right up against it.

He seemed unsure whether he was allowed to approach me. Even as he carefully picked me apart with his orange eyes, he couldn’t bring himself to take a step forward.

Guilt surged up inside me.

Back then, I’d been so flustered that I’d shouted for him not to come any closer. He must remember that.

But Kairos wasn’t at fault.

It wasn’t even the first time I’d transferred emotions to him. Thinking back on it didn’t make my stomach feel any better, but still—compared to people who had never talked about emotional transfer at all, it felt easier on my heart to talk to him.

“I’m sorry.”

I let out a bitter smile as I looked at the tamer standing there like a statue.

“Don’t just stand there. Come sit down. I’m not going to eat you.”

“How are you?”

Kairos came straight to the bedside.

“Ami said your inflammation levels aren’t stabilizing....”

“That’s right. I don’t really know why. Still, the frequency of the fevers has clearly gone down, so I think I’ll be discharged before long.”

“Oh.”

A small sound of relief slipped out of the red-haired man’s mouth.

“That’s a relief.”

I looked at him with a wry grin.

The red-haired man sat down on the chair beside the bed. Back in the Empire, this kin who had always kept a measured distance from me was one of the few people I could speak relatively honestly to about damaged leaf veins.

I needed to talk to him. To speak, to try, and to think about what I should do going forward.

There was a mountain of things to deal with.

I had to grasp the Elders’ movements. In the middle of all this chaos, I needed to hear how the seniors were doing, and I had to find out what sort of moves Kyle had made since that day.

There was no running away anymore.

I held those orange irises in my gaze.

“Kairos.”

When I called his name, Kairos turned a gaze sharp as an awl toward me.

“First of all... I’m sorry.”

“I knew you’d say that.”

Huh?

As I stared in surprise at the unexpected reply, Kairos furrowed his brow.

I was still taken aback by the rare sight of a low-pressure fire dragon lord expression when he continued.

“That emotional transfer was never something you intended. Would you tell children who transfer emotions unintentionally to apologize for it?”

“No! That’s ridiculous.”

“Then you shouldn’t be saying you’re sorry.”

He spoke more firmly than I’d expected.

“Isn’t that right?”

I closed my mouth.

I stole a glance at Kairos.

I understood what he meant. I knew that no matter how much I apologized, he wouldn’t like it.

Even so, I couldn’t bring myself not to apologize.

I opened my mouth again, which I’d kept shut in a straight line.

“I said it for my own peace of mind. It’s not like it was a good emotion to receive anyway. I couldn’t even feel what kind of emotion I transferred.”

“It wasn’t unpleasant at all, so don’t worry about it.”

“Then... that’s good.”

“You don’t trust me as much as I thought?”

What was he talking about?

“No.”

I hurriedly denied the tamer’s question.

Unlike when I’d apologized, he didn’t look offended, and that made it more frightening. It was as if he were calmly accepting nonsense as fact.

It was a ridiculous misinterpretation.

“What nonsense. It’s the opposite. If I didn’t trust you, I wouldn’t have called you here in the first place.”

I wouldn’t even have thought about talking to him.

Maybe Yoow knew more, but I chose the tamer as the person to bare my heart to.

Perhaps because back in the Empire he had been neither my superior nor my subordinate, it felt easier.

We were about the same age, too.

I looked at his left eye.

“How’s your eye?”

“I can see with my right eye, so I don’t really notice much of a difference.”

“They said you get tired more easily. I heard it from the doctor.”

“It’s not that bad. You don’t need to worry so much.”

Kairos smiled faintly.

“Thank you for saving me.”

I didn’t reply. It was something I didn’t want to think about again.

Just recalling Kairos on the brink of death twisted my insides. I quickly skipped over those memories and traced back what had happened afterward.

“How did the emotions end up transferring like that?”

I murmured while staring into the empty air of the hospital room.

Since I’d steeled myself, I didn’t hesitate to bring up the sensitive questions.

“Is this going to keep happening in the future?”

“I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this for a long time.”

Kairos responded without missing a beat.

Startled, I turned my head and saw the tamer narrowing his eyes slightly.

As if he’d been waiting for this, the man explained.

“People rarely have their leaf veins severed. But did you know that happens fairly often with monsters?”

I didn’t.

When I shook my head, the tamer continued.

“Not all species are like that, but their leaf veins are more fragile than a human’s. They live harsher lives, so their leaf veins are often damaged. And as I told you before, I used emotional transfer as a means to tame my familiars. Did you know? In the Empire it was dismissed as superstition, but there are monsters that can transfer fragments of their emotions to humans.”

“What?”

That really did sound like superstition.

“Does that even make sense? I’d heard that tamers can transfer emotions to monsters in ➤ NоvеⅠight ➤ (Read more on our source) the process of taming them. But isn’t it accepted doctrine that the reverse is impossible?”

“That was the accepted doctrine in the Empire. But I know a counterexample.”

“What species?”

“Dragons.”

My mouth fell open.

I was definitely making a stupid face.

“A fire dragon?!”

My voice rose reflexively.

“Noya?!”

“That’s right.”

For a moment, longing flickered in the tamer’s orange eyes.

“I used emotional transfer every time during the finals.”

“Was a fire dragon’s intelligence on par with an ice dragon’s...?”

“No. I don’t think so. Fire dragons didn’t possess intelligence comparable to humans. They didn’t use language.”

“Could they have had their own language? Well, you would have known if that were the case....”

“Many people believe humans are arrogant and come to the mistaken conclusion that animals and monsters simply don’t talk to each other. That’s an illusion. Animals—every known species—and monsters, except for a handful of extremely rare species that spoke the Imperial language, don’t use languages with complexity on the level of humans. That isn’t the important part, though.”

Indeed, the conversation had drifted.

Kairos brought it back.

“The point is, Hilde, I’ve witnessed emotional transfer from a dragon whose leaf veins were damaged.”

“When were Noya’s leaf veins damaged?”

“When the world collapsed.”

“Ah.”

I knew that Noya had fallen after resisting the contamination until the very end.

I remembered Kairos, floundering in grief right after we crossed over to Earth.

It seemed the dragon’s leaf veins had been damaged before it was swallowed by blue flames.

“Hilde. That’s why I know that even if leaf veins are damaged, emotions don’t just fly around uncontrollably unless the body’s condition is at its worst.”

Kairos said this with emphasis.

“So you don’t have to be too afraid. If you take good care of your body, something like last time won’t happen again.”

I understood what he was saying.

I was grateful that he’d told me. It couldn’t have been an easy story to bring up.

I knew how deeply the tamer had been shaken by Noya’s death. For a long time, even hearing Noya’s name had been painful for him.

That loss hadn’t healed.

He’d simply grown used to living with a hole blown through his chest in the shape of a fire dragon.

“Thank you.”

I barely managed to meet Kairos’s eyes.

“I think I can face you all again without fear now.”

He smiled faintly.

He didn’t look overjoyed. It was as if he knew I still had something left to say.

That was right.

Some of my fear had eased thanks to what he’d said, but I hadn’t faced the greatest fear yet.

To face it, I planned to make one request of him.

Wow.

My mouth really won’t open.

“Kairos.”

When I called his name after keeping silent, the man nodded without a word.

He didn’t rush me, just waited for me to speak again.

I was grateful for that calm attitude. Even so, it took an incredibly long time to actually say it.

It took more courage than when I’d confessed my true identity to the seniors.

Only after the sound of a medical bot gliding down the hospital corridor faded away did I finally squeeze my voice out.

“Transfer....”

“Go on.”

“Emotional transfer.”

I was murmuring now, my voice creeping inward like Yoow’s.

“Am I... completely unable to receive emotional transfer now?”

The quiet was welcome.

But the thought that I might never again feel the emotions of my kin made me anxious. Even as I tried to fall asleep, that worry would pry my eyes open.

I knew I couldn’t feel Kyle’s emotions from far away.

Then... would I also be unable to receive emotions sent by someone right next to me now?

I don’t want to become human....

I bit down hard on my lip and whispered.

“Could you try transferring emotions to me once?”

I wanted to confirm it.

Whether he could transfer emotions to me. Whether I could feel transferred emotions.

Whether I was completely broken, or whether I could still sense even fragments.

If I didn’t face reality, the fear would linger in a corner of my heart forever.

I’d go on harboring absurd hope forever.

I couldn’t avert my eyes from reality while holding onto something like that. I wanted to clearly recognize the situation I was in. I planned to despair as much as I needed to, then shake it all off and stand up again.

To do that, I scraped together my courage and made a shameless request.

It was an inconsiderate thing to ask, something that could make the other person uncomfortable or embarrassed.

But somehow, I felt that in this moment, he wouldn’t be embarrassed or surprised....

It might have been an arrogant thought.

A request devoid of courtesy....

“Of course.”

While I was staring down at the blanket, I heard Kairos’s reply.

It was the gentlest voice I’d heard from him yet.

“I’ll do it right now.”

I couldn’t bring myself to meet his eyes.

I lowered my gaze.

I waited for emotions to surge in like an ebbing tide.

No— I hoped they would. I hoped those emotions I’d felt before would come crashing in like waves.

So vivid and intense that after being swept away, I’d be left dazed for a long while.

Even if it wasn’t as intense as last time, I wished that kind of current would wash over my body....

.......

Nothing like that happened.

I didn’t feel the overwhelming, sweeping emotions I remembered.

Instead, there was a faint warmth.

So faint that if Kairos hadn’t told me he was starting, I might not have noticed it at all.

A warmth like holding a hand warmer that’s gone cold.

The warmth you feel when you slip your hand behind someone’s hood in the middle of winter.

Like wrapping yourself in a single blanket....

I covered my face with both hands.

“Ah.”

Tears spilled out—tears I hadn’t even known I was holding back.

My voice cracked and broke.

Ah.

It’s not completely severed.

I can still feel something... just a little....

“Hilde.”

Kairos gripped my shoulders.

“Hilde.”

I couldn’t answer.

All I could do was struggle to contain the sobs bursting out of me.

The weight of my emotions numbed my body.

The loss of knowing I’d never again feel those intense emotions I’d once felt. The relief of knowing I hadn’t lost everything.

I longed for the dazzling emotions he’d once shown me.

I despaired at my position—no longer fully kin, nor human.

I was grateful to Kairos for stubbornly insisting on transferring emotions to me before heading out on the mission, because I now knew I wouldn’t be able to feel that vivid sensation again for a long time.

But even if twisted, the leaf veins remained....

I....

“That’s enough.”

I faced reality.

“I’m okay now....”

All that remained was to accept it and move forward.

Even if I limped, I could still walk again.

I cried for a long time, leaning against his arm.