Black Badger

Chapter 139

I stared at him for a long while, at a complete loss for words.

I had thought I was prepared to get hit or cursed out, since he had more than enough reason to resent me. But I was surprised by how deeply hurt I felt—more than I had expected.

The voice I barely managed to squeeze out was slightly hoarse.

"You may think so, but it's not a lie."

Rick raised an eyebrow without wiping the sneer from his face.

"I've been trying to remember, but the memories just won't come."

His green eyes scrutinized me.

I averted my gaze slightly. I could understand Ricardo's reaction. It wouldn't have made sense to him that I couldn't recall something so important.

With my eyes lowered, I waited for him to speak.

"So why are you suddenly telling me this...?" The low question came back at me.

I raised my head and met his eyes.

A sharp glint flashed in his gaze. Heavy emotions burned in them.

Without avoiding it, I conveyed only the essentials. The reason I had to reveal my identity. The people I'd already told. Why I wanted to go outside the Core.

Ricardo listened to my explanation, rubbing the palm of his right hand with his left.

The moment I finished speaking, he asked,

"Does Ye-hyeon really believe you when you say you can't remember why you betrayed us~?"

His voice was laced with bitterness.

I swallowed the rising heat and answered,

"Yes."

"You're still as soft-hearted as ever..."

The man let out a small scoff.

He kept his sneer and lowered his gaze. I bit my lip, waiting for his reaction.

What more was there for me to say here?

The lighting grew brighter. In the meantime, the sunset outside the window had faded, and darkness settled in. The ticking of the second hand on the wall clock sounded unusually loud.

The scene felt chillier than usual.

Ricardo spoke.

"Let me ask you one thing..."

"Yes."

"The Creatures that poured onto Earth—did you bring them here?"

He had lost his family in the war.

It was only natural for him to resent me.

"Yes."

I answered, looking into his green eyes.

"Not all of them, but some, yes."

Ricardo leaned back against the chair's backrest.

He closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb. A cold silence wrapped around us.

Only after a long while did he narrow his eyes.

"Why?"

It was a short question.

"Our original world was collapsing, so we escaped from it."

"To Earth?"

"Anywhere we could plant our feet on solid ground would have done."

"So you started a war the moment you arrived?"

I racked my brains for memories from that time as well.

If I had been a better leader, perhaps we wouldn't have turned against each other. Perhaps I could have prevented the war from breaking out in the first place.

Every time such thoughts arose, a choking sense of self-reproach made me writhe.

Yet I still couldn't recall exactly what had caused the war.

I couldn't reveal the fact that I'd been staying here for a long time. Ye-hyeon had instructed me otherwise.

Mixing lies with the truth, I answered softly,

"I can't remember the exact reason the war broke out."

"You can't remember this either?"

"Yes."

"Then what have you remembered?"

Ricardo snorted derisively.

I had no choice but to close my mouth again. I had nothing to say.

The conversation stalled once more. The second hand's ticking began to assert its presence. A chill seeped through my patient gown and into my bones. In the midst of the cold, I swallowed down the burning sensation rising within me.

My heart ached a little.

"Betraying your own kind... Does that mean you regret coming to Earth?"

Ricardo's voice pulled my consciousness back.

His sharp gaze was still fixed on me. Rage and a sense of betrayal burned in his eyes, and that intense look overlapped with a scene from my memories.

The gaze Ray had directed at me.

The betrayal that burned in his eyes.

'No, right?'

He had pointed his sword at me while crying.

'No, right? Hildebert. Tell me it's not true.'

"No."

I pushed the surging memory into a corner.

Ricardo waited for my answer without moving.

I didn't want to lie any more to my senior, who stood motionless watching me. I had to keep the Elder's existence hidden, but beyond that, I didn't want to conceal the facts.

Especially because he was someone who had taken an interest in me and shown me care.

Especially because he was a victim of the war...

"I have never once regretted escaping our crumbling world and arriving on Earth."

Thud!

It hit me.

My head snapped back and collided with the wall. The IV stand wobbled, and the needle slipped from my hand. A light flashed in the corner of my vision.

It was a heavy blow. One charged with emotion. It was incomparable to the shock of being trapped in a collapsing building or the hit from him when he was dosed with Green Dream.

Blood tasted metallic.

I swallowed the blood pooling in my mouth.

After swallowing the pain as well, I raised my head.

My eyes met those of my senior, who stood by the bedside looking down at me.

Eyes that burned coldly.

"I heard your earnest confession..."

There was no smile on the lips of the whispering man.

"But even that doesn't seem like the truth..."

"Rick."

Betrayal swirled in the gaze he returned.

"Ricardo."

"I have no intention of absolving your sins..."

Why did this hurt so much?

My voice came out choked. Choked with blood, or resentment, or guilt.

But no matter how I called to him, he seemed to have no intention of listening.

Ricardo turned away without answering.

And without looking back, he left the hospital room.

Decisive footsteps.

A receding figure. The hospital room door opened and slammed shut roughly. The black suit disappeared beyond it.

I watched it all, clutching the IV line dripping fluid drop by drop.

I had neither the effrontery to run after him nor the words to offer.

At some point, even the sound of footsteps in the corridor faded away.

I couldn't breathe.

I thought that as I inhaled the silence.

*

"Hey."

A familiar voice brought me back to my senses.

"Why are you spacing out like that?"

Choi Yoon.

My mentor, now freed from the duty of training me, looked me over.

Reality flooded in at the same time. The surroundings slowly filled my vision.

I blinked vacantly before answering belatedly.

"I'm sorry."

I had just finished the discharge procedures.

We were standing in the lobby of the Hospital Wing. Patients in gowns and their guardians wandered across the polished marble floor. The morning sunlight of early summer slid down the marble.

It was my first official day as a Black Badger.

Taking in the flood of sensations, I walked over to my mentor.

Yoon had one hand shoved in his pocket and arched an eyebrow.

"What's the problem?"

"Nothing in particular."

"Cut the bullshit."

We exchanged flat conversation as we left the Hospital Wing and headed toward Headquarters.

Yoon listened half-heartedly to my repeated assurances that nothing was wrong, then said,

"We can't issue personal weapons to someone in an unpredictable state."

"Do I really look that bad?"

"Yeah."

He was so blunt.

I rubbed my neck awkwardly.

But I planned to grit my teeth and keep going until I could make amends for what I'd done.

Matching my mentor's stride, I replied,

"You might not believe it, but lately I've been brimming with the will to live."

"Not the type to put a gun to your own chin and pull the trigger, you mean."

"Hm? Then shouldn't I be able to get my personal weapon?"

"You could space out and let someone else put a bullet in your jaw."

My mentor countered indifferently.

"Just say what's going on."

The answer didn't come immediately. Explaining it was a bit agonizing. I'd braced myself, but it had still shaken me more than expected.

I hemmed and hawed until we reached our destination.

It was only after arriving at the Annex that I finally said,

"I'm just as baffled that I can't remember such crucial parts."

Yoon looked at me.

There was no particular emotion in his eyes. Just his usual dry gaze, a mix of boredom and cool detachment.

When my mentor pressed his thumb to the door, the Annex door opened.

"Events that traumatize the mind often fade into fog in memory."

Yoon replied in a tone that stated a fact, not offering comfort.

"Ye-hyeon doesn't remember his childhood well either."

"What?"

That crazy bastard Lee Seung-hyun.

"Did he lay hands on his son from childhood?"

"No. The nanny he hired back then was no good. The point is, it's not that unusual for you to have memory gaps."

"But I can't just never recall them."

"Why not?"

Just like the first time I had encountered a mushroom creature, the Annex felt cool, with no presence of people. We breathed in the eerie air as we headed into the dimly lit building.

"What changes if you do remember?"

Who knew.

I'd only find out once those forgotten memories resurfaced.

Truth be told, I wanted to recover them for the sake of my kin. But as an answer to his question, that was it.

I matched strides with my mentor as he crossed the corridor. Following him down the stairs, I said,

"That's not a question I can answer right now, without those memories."

He seemed to find it reasonable and chuckled softly.

"Not wrong."

"Thank you."

"You'll be issued two swords."

We arrived at basement level one.

The air grew even cooler. Lights turned on automatically, detecting our presence.

Yoon signaled for me to wait and entered the iron door ahead. It seemed to be the weapon storage.

If I were in better condition, I might have asked to go in with him, but I wasn't in the mood now.

I had planned to request to leave the Core right after discharge and getting my weapons, but now I wasn't sure if that was possible. Ricardo didn't seem like he'd come outside with me.

What was I to do in this situation?

Should I tell the HR Director the truth and just go out with the four of us...

I pondered while waiting for him to return.

Then my phone rang.

[Ami: Hilde]

I stared blankly at the message.

[Ami: Did you fight with Ricardo?]

It wasn't a fight; I became the object of his hatred.

I stared at the message for a long while.

Then I slowly typed a reply.

[It wasn't a fight, but I couldn't get Ricardo's forgiveness.]

Even after sleeping and waking, my inner wounds hadn't healed.

If he had been a more distant senior, it wouldn't have hit me this hard. The fact that it was Ricardo made the impact even greater.

When did I get so attached?

As I leaned against the wall thinking that, my phone vibrated.

I blinked a couple of times and answered Ami's call.

"Senior."

[Hilde!]

Ami's clear voice came through.

[What happened! Rick suddenly muttered that you have thick skin and stormed off, so it looks like things didn't go well!]