novelraw Chapter 65 : Bitter Wine Goes Down the Throat, Heart Aches
Chapter 65 : Bitter Wine Goes Down the Throat, Heart Aches
"...She really is a bastard..."
With a pink flush of drunkenness on her cheeks, Xifeng raised her wine glass and lightly clinked it against Ji You's. The glass wine cups collided in the air, producing a crisp sound.
Tilting her head back, she drained the red wine in one gulp. Xifeng picked up that bottle of 1982 Lafite, about to continue pouring wine into her glass, but was stopped by Ji You's outstretched hand.
"You should drink less." Ji You sighed helplessly. "I don't trust your alcohol tolerance at all. I don't want to carry you back."
"Don't worry about me." Xifeng shook her head, brushing away Ji You's hand and tilting red wine into her glass.
Perhaps somewhat drunk, her hand trembled slightly, and a few drops of crimson liquid splashed onto the table, looking like blood from someone's injury.
Whenever she felt sad or melancholy, Xifeng's favorite solution was drinking. She especially loved that dizzy feeling when slightly intoxicated—only then could she set aside all worries, think about nothing, and speak freely, saying everything on her mind.
Now she was completely cut off from white liquor. As a substitute, she tried red wine, and the effect was unexpectedly good, though this bottle of 1982 Lafite had cost her quite a bit of money.
After becoming a girl, even her alcohol tolerance had decreased significantly. Previously, she could drink half a jin of 53-proof white liquor without feeling anything, but now, after just a few glasses of red wine, she could barely tell north from south, as if the whole world was spinning.
But this was exactly what she wanted. She just wanted to get drunk, to escape into that post-intoxication world without worries or cares.
Watching Xifeng pour wine into herself as if she didn't care about her life, He Pingge wanted to advise her to stop drinking several times, but could never open her mouth. After all, if she was being honest, her sorrows weren't much less than Xifeng's.
If she hadn't had such poor alcohol tolerance that one glass would knock her out, she too would want to drink until she was completely drunk, to drown all her sorrows in wine.
"Old Ji, Coo Coo..." Looking at the blood-red liquid in the glass, Xifeng's voice was bitter. "Living is really so tiring."
"What are you talking about?" Ji You patted her shoulder irritably. "You're so young, why are you starting to say such depressing things?"
"Because I really am living so tiredly..." With obvious intoxication in her eyes, Xifeng gently swirled the wine glass in her hand. The red wine swirled accordingly, refracting brilliant colors under the light like flowing rubies—absolutely beautiful.
"Your parents are both alive, so you probably can't understand how I've lived these years."
At this, she leaned back, slumping against the chair back, raising the wine glass to her lips and draining it.
"When I get home, there's only me alone in that huge house, not even one person to talk to...
"During holidays and festivals, others are joyfully reunited with their families, while I can only eat New Year's dinner alone without any company...
"When I get sick, I can only bear it alone. Even when I'm burning with fever and can barely walk, I still have to force myself to stand up, do laundry, cook...
"Humans are social animals. No one likes loneliness." At this point, Xifeng looked at the young man and woman beside her, showing a knowing smile. "Fortunately, I still have you two. If it weren't for you, I would have lived even more painfully these years."
"Hey, what are you saying?" Ji You laughed as if amused. "Didn't we say from childhood that we'd be siblings for life?"
Siblings for life...
He Pingge lowered her head dejectedly, unconsciously gripping the cup in her right hand so tightly it seemed she might crush it.
"Thank you, Old Ji." Xifeng returned a grateful smile, then continued: "I thought this lonely life would continue until I found my other half, but unexpectedly, that person forcefully barged into my life.
"At first I hated her too. I even thought about finding a way to leave her forever, but as time passed, I discovered she wasn't as bad as I imagined. When I truly realized it, my heart was already tied to hers.
"After enduring so many years of loneliness, finally someone appeared who both loved me and whom I loved. At that time, I thought this was heaven's compensation for me.
"But I quickly understood that it was absolutely impossible for us to bear fruit. From the moment we became sisters, the ending was already decided.
"When I realized this, do you know how painful I felt!
"If we insisted on being together, the final result would only be both of us covered in wounds. For her future, I could only force myself to distance myself from her, to stay away from her...
"But... she completely doesn't understand, only knowing to be stubborn.
"I was clearly thinking of her... but she trampled all my worries and concerns for her ruthlessly underfoot..."
The more Xifeng spoke, the more her voice became choked with tears, until finally it became a sob.
Feeling two drops of moisture slide down her cheeks, Xifeng sat up from the chair, bent over the table, and hid her face behind the barrier formed by her hands, trying to deceive herself and cover up the fact that she was crying.
"Do you think I don't want to agree to her directly? Do you think I don't want to throw away all concerns and be with her regardless of everything?
"I really want to! Very much! But I can't!"
Lowering her head, He Pingge gently stroked Xifeng's lightly trembling back. Almost every sentence Xifeng said was like stabbing a knife into her wounds, but she didn't blame Xifeng. After all, she had never revealed her inner feelings to Xifeng—these were just unintentional words, and as the saying goes, ignorance is not a crime.
Ji You didn't speak, just calmly sipped the wine in his glass. He knew that at this moment, he just needed to be a quiet listener.
"This morning, when I woke up from Bei Yaoyue's bed, I really wanted to slap myself twice!
"Bei Yaoyue's parents like me so much, gave me many things I never had before, and what did I do in return?
"I led their only daughter down the path of no return that is homosexuality! And homosexuality wasn't enough—I had to add sisterly incest on top of it!" Pounding the table with her fist, Xifeng's voice became even more agitated. "I feel like I'm a fucking ungrateful wretch, worse than even animals!
"Even animals know to repay kindness, but I..."
She seemed unable to continue. Only Xifeng's crying remained in the private room.
"Don't blame yourself too much. The responsibility isn't entirely yours." He Pingge comforted with a light smile, though deep pain was buried beneath her smiling eyes.
The information contained in "This morning, when I woke up from Bei Yaoyue's bed" was simply too overwhelming.
Low sobs continuously leaked from Xifeng's mouth. Gradually, perhaps as the alcohol took effect, she finally quieted down, falling into dreams with tiny, adorable snores.
"Sigh, Little Xi is still as worrisome as always." Ji You laughed and sighed, shaking his head helplessly.
"Yes..." He Pingge gazed at Xifeng's sleeping face, muttering to herself with some melancholy.
"What are you thinking?" Ji You suddenly spoke.
"Huh?" He Pingge was stunned. "What do you mean, what am I thinking?"
Taking a sip of white liquor and feeling the burning liquid slide down his throat, Ji You asked: "Are you planning to take this opportunity to fight for it, or give up and let things take their course?"
"...So you knew all along." He Pingge showed a bitter smile. Indeed, nothing could escape Old Ji's eyes.
"It was way too obvious. You were almost crying along with Xifeng." Ji You spread his hands helplessly.
Her face slightly red, He Pingge lowered her head and said quietly: "I... I wasn't..."
"That's not important anymore. Why don't you tell me what you're really thinking?"
Reaching out to wipe away the tear stains from the corner of Xifeng's eyes, He Pingge closed hers. When she opened them again, the dejection in her eyes had disappeared, replaced by confident determination full of energy.
"I won't give up." He Pingge said with a smile. "Everyone has a fair chance to compete."
"That's more like it. That gloomy expression from before wasn't like you at all."