Bastard Swordsman

Chapter 66 : Strong Mongrel

Strong Mongrel

「I'm broke...」

Sitting at a guild table, I let out a sigh, gazing up at the ceiling.

Not that it's particularly rare—a pretty common sight, actually.

「Well, I mean, you buy stuff like that, of course your money's gonna run out,」

Varga, sitting across from me, replied with exasperation.

He had a point, honestly. Just looking at that thing sitting smack in the middle of the table, you could tell it had to be expensive. Not that I'd told anyone the price.

「Stuff like that... Listen, Varga... Guild members rely on their bodies, right? If your body gives out, you can't even take jobs to earn money. That's why, even with the smallest things, you have to pay attention and protect yourself. Money's important, but that's one place I can't cut corners.」

「How many beers is that for you today, Mongrel?」

「My fourth,」

「Figured as much, judging by your face.」

「Varga, you're in the same boat. Guild workers slow down and lose their edge as they get older. If you're single, you might get even more reckless...」

「You're awfully noisy today. Shouldn't have told you they got a new beer shipment in.」

「You know about the age limit for working on the front lines, right?」

「... Yeah, I do.」

Varga was injured today. It wasn't a big deal—a glancing blow got through his shield and left him bleeding a little.

But the attacker wasn't some kind of monster. If it were the Varga from five years ago, he wouldn't have made such a goofy mistake. Proof of decline.

That's right—we deteriorate. The body goes before the mind.

Just look at the age of Olympic athletes and you'll understand. That's how it is. Not that anyone here would really get it.

「Staying active for life is cool and all, but you should at least think a little about what comes after retiring, that's what I believe.」

「You always sound like some old man giving lectures. You haven't changed a bit.」

「You'd do fine in town, Varga. Teach the rookies, become... y'know, some kind of guild executive...」

「All right, all right. Here, eat this. Some salad made with medicinal herbs.」

「Medicinal herbs, huh?」

They looked way too much like antidote herbs. He'd...scraped the stalks... What was this method called? Extracting medicinal properties... Saw it in the guild archives... But in the end, the store-bought stuff is cheaper and easier...

「Hurry up and eat. If you can't, you'll be automatically promoted to Silver in the next exam.」

「What the—? You bastard, if that's all it takes then I'll eat the damn thing!」

No way I'm letting them promote me. I'll scarf down this salad in one go.

Here I go—munch munch munch... Ugh, it's so damn bitter...

「... Ah—」

「Come to your senses yet?」

Just one gulp of the bitter juice, and it hit me right away.

The herb dampas, used as an antidote. If you crush the stalk and swallow it with the leaves, it'll ease most food poisoning and the like.

Apparently, if you eat it raw, its effect is so strong it can upset your stomach, but right now, that raw strength was just what I needed.

... The alcohol that was fogging up my brain just a moment ago is completely gone now.

「... Hey, Varga, wasn't this beer way too strong...?」

「I told you, didn't I? It's stronger than usual—don't just chug it down...」

「Why the hell is it like this... If I sniff it... yeah, that's it. They mixed in some distilled liquor or something...?」

「Apparently, they messed up making whiskey and dumped some of the failed batch into beer. The alcohol's nearly double, and I heard you can get a terrible hangover from it... Didn't I tell you all this before?」

「I didn't think it'd be this bad...」

The usual beer here is low-proof and easy to drink. Even the beer has a low alcohol content—real gentle stuff. Just enough to get pleasantly tipsy.

But this—this is no mild buzz. Not even close to just double the strength. You could call it strong beer.

Strong... That's a familiar word. I don't remember drinking anything this strong in this life, but my soul must have remembered, because I just kept knocking it back without thinking...

Yeah, alcohol is scary. It's not like this body is especially resistant, and if I ruin my liver, there's no hospital or anything...

Better be careful. I was about to lecture Varga, but I'm in no position to talk...

「Oh, Mongrel-senpai... whoa, you reek of booze.」

「Oh, hey, Raina. And Ulrika, you're here too.」

「Good evening—wow, it stinks in here... How much did you drink, Mongrel-san? Oh, good evening to you too, Varga-san.」

「Hey.」

「There's a bit of a story with this booze. Are you back from a mission? Good work.」

Looked like only Raina and Ulrika had come back to the guild. Judging by the vibe, it wasn't as Artemis members, just the two of them out on a light hunt, probably as a pair.

They headed to reception to take care of paperwork. ... Bows, huh? Haven't practiced with a bow much lately. Wait, haven't done much magic practice either. If I don't get to it soon, those books will be mere decorations.

「But more importantly, Mongrel—this. Look at this.」

「This? Oh... this equipment?」

Varga shamelessly pointed to my new gear.

「You used this as an excuse to lecture me, didn't you?」

「Ah—sorry. But I have a solid reason. See, this is armor, right? I just meant that if you get proper armor, you can do your work safely.」

「That's just the usual lecture, huh... Wait, is this really armor? Not some kind of taxidermy?」

「No matter how you look at it, it's armor. Look.」

I picked up the piece of gear on the table and put it on.

It was a bit heavy, but see, it's obviously headgear.

「Mongrel-senpai, wanna come drink at our table—whoa! What is that!?」

「Pfft... ahaha! Mongrel-san, what are you wearing?!」

「Yeah, that's pretty much how I feel, too.」

「Well, I wouldn't know, being an archer.」

「I don't get it either!」

「Spear users don't get it either!」

The helm I was wearing was my latest gear, just bought at the market.

Of course, it's not just any helm. Atop the tough plate helm sprouted a giant axe like a rooster's comb, and on the sides... well, they looked like big horns, probably like the ones goats or sheep have, making this an ultra-aggressive helm. On the back, it looked like there was some furry material, keeping it warm and offering good shock protection. Probably.

It even had a solid faceguard covering my nose and jaw. The best helm to protect your face from attacks.

Seemed like it might even increase attack power or reflect a portion of the damage taken.

It was about three times heavier than a normal sturdy helm, but that's part of the charm.

「Mongrel-senpai's wasting money again...」

「No, see, up until now I'd only had a normal helm, right? Cost a pretty penny, but I wanted it for my serious kit.」

「Just stick with the plain one!」

「Why do you go all out only for weird stuff...?」

「Aren't these horns cool?」

「Horns are cool.」

「Right?!」

「Varga-senpai, you're too soft on Mongrel-senpai!」

I just love the design...

If you ripped off the axe and snapped the horns, this would probably be super effective against goblins. Not like I'm going to, though.

「Mongrel, you always worry about me, but are you alright for money? I mean, for now you're earning plenty, but what'll you do if you go broke and can't work?」

「Yeah... seems like you're always whining about being broke, Mongrel-san. But you still go shopping all the time... You don't usually do big jobs—how are you making money?」

「I'd like to know, too. You aren't doing anything shady, right?」

「I'm not! Not anything bad, anyway.」

... Well, maybe I'm doing a little illicit stuff, just enough not to get caught...

「Lately, I've been leaving my original inventions at the Black Mist Market to sell.」

「You never learn, huh? Copying Lord Chaos again?」

「No, these really sell. There's an inventor boom, right? If I have some idea, I whip something up and put it for sale. Some of them have sat unsold for years, but surprisingly, there's usually someone who'll buy, so you can't look down on it.」

「Huh, really?」

「What kind of stuff do you sell?」

Fire pistons... better not mention those. If they ask where the idea came from, it'll be impossible to explain.

Even in my previous life, I barely understood them. If I had to explain something harmless...

「Washboard. About this big, at a right angle. Has these jagged grooves, so you rub your wet laundry on it and the dirt comes right out. Super useful, though I did borrow the idea a little.」

「Eh! That sounds exactly like the one we have at the clan house! Not sure who bought it, though...」

「Really? Hey, Artemis, thank you for your purchase.」

「Wait—is that so? A-ah, yeah, it is handy...」

「Well done, Mongrel.」

No way—one of my washboards ended up right here with them.

Well, it's a proven domestic item, so no wonder it caught on... Just don't want everyone thinking I'm some master inventor.

「And then... you know, that thing Dickbald talked about in the guild—a tool you stick up your ass.」

「Huh—?!」

「Pfft. Mongrel-senpai, I'm drinking right now, you know.」

「You couldn't talk about this sober, anyway. It's the kind of topic you need alcohol for.」

「Ahaha! Oh, yeah, that! The one scribbled on the bulletin board! I remember! So you actually made one?!」

「Mongrel-san, you... sold those kinds of tools? Actually made them...?」

Ulrika asked, her face going red.

Well... no samples on hand, and it's just bar talk anyway...

「Yeah, kind of dirty talk, but, see—tools you stick up inside, right? Could cause injuries, so I carefully shaved some extra-smooth hornwolf horn at the river... Finished it with no burrs or steps so nobody would get hurt—took special care to be gentle...」

「You actually made it! A tool for a man's arse! Ahaha!」

「S-so... that's...really kind of you...」

Varga was doubled over with laughter. Well, I guess that's the right reaction. If you can't laugh about it, it's too pathetic to even mention.

「What shape did you make it? How many?」

「Well, it's already sold so it's fine, but honestly I had no idea what shape to make it, so I just used my bastard sword as a model...」

「Eh, ah, really...?」

「Wait—it's based on yours...? Ow, my sides... how many did you make?」

「Three. Got a guy to sell them for me, and they all sold out. They were even expensive—but they still sold.」

「Haha! No way! You sold Mongrel's mongrel!」

「That's right, it's Mongrel's mongrel. Somewhere in this town, someone might be using my Mongrel right now. Thinking about that honestly makes me regret it a little, even though I sold them...」

「I'm gonna laugh myself to death...! Stop... please...!」

Varga was really about to die from laughing.

Is it that funny? It is, huh. If it were someone else, I'd be laughing, too.

Go ahead and laugh... At least that'll ease the loneliness I feel every night...

「... Mongrel-senpai, that's some dirty business you're running there.」

「Yeah, dirty... Yep, it's dirty.」

Raina's disgusted stare was 100% justified. I'd become a filthy merchant.

「But... but... even so... making stuff with the user's body in mind... that's really kind of you, Mongrel-san...」

Ulrika, are you forcing yourself to say that? You really don't have to get involved in this filthy topic...

「Yeah, well... thanks. Actually, I only made those after that topic came up back then, hoping people wouldn't try anything risky on their own. Didn't expect them to sell out so fast.」

「Kind of a waste using hornwolf horn for that, though...」

「Seriously.」

「... So... that means, Mongrel-san's... Mongrel-san's is...for me... to...」

「Too much laughing—my abs...cramped up...」

「Hey, you all right, old man on the verge of retirement?」

「D-damn you, Mongrel... That story's too much, too unfair... hee, hee...」

「Why do guys always love talking about this kind of stuff...?」

That day, Varga's slightly sagging abs got a rare workout.

Thanks to my Mongrel, Varga got to stay active for one more day... No, seriously, what a filthy story this was...

-------------= Clacky's Corner -------------=

Mongrel's mongrel....

Wahahahaha

【ദ്ദി(⩌ᴗ⩌)】