Assassin's Honor

Chapter 26

Something was wrong.

Honorera didn't know what it was, but Gabriel was different. He had a dark and stormy expression, and he was distracted all the time. She couldn’t help but ask herself, had she done something wrong? Or perhaps he had simply grown tired of her? Whatever the reason, she felt the change deeply and keenly, and it scared her. Whatever small progress she had made at being more confident shriveled away, and she felt herself shrinking back into her old shell.

Gabriel still woke her early to train, and he trained her hard. She hated the weights, but she loved the kickboxing lessons. She thought she was getting stronger, but Gabriel gave her so little feedback, she couldn't tell if he approved.

After breakfast, he often disappeared without much explanation. "Sorry love, I have some work to do," he would say, and he would take his laptop and phone and retreat into the study and close the door behind himself. Or he would kiss her forehead and pass her off to his mother like a child who needed a babysitter, before he disappeared out the door and climbed into his black truck. He would come back late at night wearing that same troubled expression, with his brow furrowed, his eyes stormy, and a very negative energy rolling off him.

Instinctively she shied away from him now. When they got into bed together, she tried to stay on the far side, so that they would not touch, but inevitably he took her by the waist and pulled her closer, holding her tightly and burying his nose in her hair. He would fall asleep instantly, but she would stay away long into the night with her troubled thoughts and insecurities.

"The honeymoon is over," Honorera mumbled darkly to herself as she watched him disappear out the door once again. It was bound to happen, she supposed. The sweet dream of having someone love her couldn't last forever. But oh, it had been wonderful while it lasted.

Honorera really couldn't blame him. She wasn't anything special... not pretty, not smart, not interesting. Of course, Gabriel would get bored, anyone would.

Still, he had taken her away from the terrible life with Tanner. He'd given her a comfortable home with his nice family. She had to remember to be grateful, and not complain or be clingy.

After Honorera heard the door shut, she wandered back into the kitchen, as she often did. She pulled out the ingredients to make some brownies for the family. She enjoyed cooking for them. It was a small, useful thing she could do. And unlike her uncle, the Shepherd family was always appreciative of her efforts, and Mama Elena was thankful for a helping hand. "Chrissy is a good girl, but she can't even boil water," Elena said with a laugh. "And Angie only knows how to cook Korean food."

She cleaned the kitchen up while the brownies baked in the oven. When the timer beeped, she took out the fragrant chocolate dessert, and then wandered outside for a walk. Elena caught sight of her just before Honorera slipped out the door. "Don't go far dear," the older woman cautioned.

Honorera promised to stay close to the main house, but it irked her. She was not a child who was going to get lost in the woods. She wandered out into the forest, looking for the hidden places... the oldest trees, the big rocks for sitting, the little streams, and verdant meadows. For Honorera, exploring the forest was like meeting a new friend, and getting to know all their quirks. She found a beech that had been struck by lightning and was split in two, but continued to grow, a swamp with an enormous snapping turtle and a great blue heron, a family of deer that bedded down under the pines at night. She had acquainted herself with every tree, every rock, every spring, each bush, and fallen log. But she dared not stay too long, lest Elena become worried and start looking for her.

Honorera returned to the house and went to get the sketchbook that Gabriel had bought her before they left Vermont. She still remembered how he had told her, "I want you to be happy."

Was she happy now? She supposed she wasn't unhappy, but she missed him. She was lonely, even when he was beside her. That was foolish because she had always been alone. Just because she'd been together with Gabriel for a few weeks didn't change the fact that she was cursed to live a solitary life.

She found different places around the house to curl up with her sketchbook. There was a window seat that overlooked the back garden, and a big, round bowl chair that felt a bit like a nest in the game room. She took advantage of anywhere she could find to get away from the pitying eyes of the rest of the family and occupy herself with drawing. She sketched the animals she had seen in the forest, her favorite trees, and the people in the family. There were many portraits of Gabriel on the pages, as she worked out the details of his strong jaw, his proud brow, his straight nose, and his shaggy hair. She had even memorized the sensual curve of his lips and the way his brow creased when he was preoccupied, which was pretty much all the time now.

When her hands grew tired of drawing, she would look for chores to help with. She quietly dusted and cleaned, vacuumed the carpets, and mopped the floors. She washed the windows, at least on the inside. She washed the laundry and folded it. She cleaned the bathrooms. Elena scolded her for doing so much work. "My dear, you must not tire yourself. You are not expected to do all these things. You are my son's mate; you are not the maid. There are omegas to do this work."

Honorera shrugged her off. "I need to keep busy."

While cleaning, she discovered the library, and that was another distraction. When she ran out of chores, she would select a book and hide in the library reading until it was time to prepare for supper. Although the cook wasn't supposed to clean up, she usually volunteered to do the dishes. Otherwise, she would just wait and wait and worry about when Gabriel would be back. As the weeks stretched on, she began to wonder if maybe he would send her away soon.

Her anxiety was growing with each passing day. Where would she go if he kicked her out?