Apocalypse Survival Guide

Chapter 162 : Rescue Fantasy (33)

Rescue Fantasy (33)

"Kyaaaa!"

Suddenly opening her eyes, Celestia sprang up with a scream. Her breath was caught in her throat, her body was soaked in cold sweat, and her hands showed no sign of calming down.

Celestia trembled uncontrollably, unable even to try to subdue her racing heart. Tears kept streaming down her cheeks, a result of the shock her mind remembered.

It was in that moment, oblivious to her surroundings, that a familiar voice called out.

"... Celly?"

Hearing a nickname she thought she'd never hear again, Celestia whipped her head up. She looked toward where the voice had come from. Her blurred vision gradually cleared.

She found herself gazing into blue eyes just like her own. Without meaning to, words slipped out.

"... Brother?"

"Of course it's me."

"H-how—You were definitely..."

"Definitely?"

Ian Myosotis waited for her to finish, but Celestia couldn't continue. How could she say he was dragged away as a test subject and died? Even if it was just words, she couldn't utter something so accursed.

Ian took a handkerchief from his pocket and gently wiped away the tears streaking Celestia's cheeks.

"Did you have a nightmare or something? Your face says it all."

"... A dream?"

With a dazed expression, Celestia looked around. Now that she noticed, she was no longer in the place she'd just been. There was a blue lake and a meadow, and above them an infinitely tall, clear sky.

As she moved her hand unconsciously, she heard the rustle of grass beneath her. She looked at her hand. It was smaller than she remembered. As if she had become a child again.

"What's gotten into you today? Did you insist on coming out even though you're sick? Should we go swimming another time?"

"Ah..."

At Ian's worried question, Celestia reached out her hand. Her fingers sought Ian's face, and her small hand timidly touched him.

Though he was flustered, Ian didn't brush her hand away. It was because his little sister, Celestia, was acting strangely. The sensation beneath her hand, the eyes she always wanted to resemble, the gentle lips—it was all unmistakably her brother.

"It's brother... It's really you..."

Celestia burst into tears as she hugged the Ian she'd longed for. She decided to accept that her memories had only been a dream. She could have doubted, but she resolved not to.

They were in the grounds of the Myosotis estate, and Ian was embracing her. Nothing else mattered—just being able to enjoy this moment was enough for Celestia.

She vaguely remembered someone else being beside her, but the memory faded. Her whole attention was fixed on Ian.

Celestia sobbed like a child, claiming she'd had a terrible, horrible dream.

"I had a nightmare... Everyone died. Mom, dad, Mary, and you too, brother..."

Her words tumbled out incoherently.

Warnings about being wary of pureblood supremacists, Myosotis falling, a catastrophe in which too many people to count died. Ian didn't interrupt her—he just listened quietly.

His calm did what nothing else could: Celestia felt her pounding heart begin to settle down. Just having him there was comforting. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt like this.

No, that memory was a dream. So she hadn't actually experienced it. None of it had happened. Celestia repeated those thoughts to herself, almost like self-hypnosis.

"I see... It must have been rough."

"It was too much. I was left all alone, and there wasn't much I could do by myself, which made it harder. But I endured. I believed you were alive. Because I heard that you were."

Celestia roughly wiped her eyes, now cloudy with tears again, and leaped to her feet.

"This isn't the time for this. We have to get out of here right away."

"Why? You said it was a dream."

"Even if it's a dream, it feels bad. Swimming is canceled today."

Celestia had recovered her old confidence. As long as she had her brother Ian, nothing scared her. She offered her hand, certain he would follow her lead.

But then Ian did something completely unexpected. At some point, his gentle gaze became cold and emotionless.

"We have to go swimming. You fell into the water then, didn't you?"

"Huh? H-how do you know that, brother..."

"How? Isn't it obvious? What you said—that wasn't a dream."

"Brother... What's wrong... Please, don't do this. I'm scared..."

No. It can't be. Celestia forced a smile through her fear, desperately hoping this was just a prank, that she was fine, and silently pleading for him to tell her so.

But reality was merciless. The Ian she loved rose to his feet, his form slowly transforming into something monstrous. Of course Celestia began backing away in fear.

"It wasn't a dream. I died because of you. Because of you, I...!"

"No... Brother, please..."

"That's why, you should die here too!!"

Suddenly transformed into something monstrous, Ian bore down on Celestia. Denying reality and stepping backward, she fell into the lake behind her. With a splash, bubbles enveloped her.

At the moment when countless air bubbles raced up to the surface, the sky turned ominous. Violets and reds. An inexplicable phenomenon unfolded as the sky began to tear open.

'Ah.'

Celestia finally realized—or rather, finally faced what she'd been avoiding.

This wasn't reality, but a memory from her childhood: the day Myosotis fell to the pureblood supremacist group. She was trapped in the past, caught in these memories.

Celestia knew what was coming next.

The sky would split, and shell fire would rain down, turning the land to ashes. The meadow would burn, the manor would collapse. The beautiful landscape would instantly become a wasteland. Countless people would die.

Even when they jumped into the water, the fire wouldn't go out; it burned them all, and as they approached death they danced wildly, only to suddenly stiffen and fall, never to rise again.

Everything Celestia remembered was happening before her eyes. People she'd once been close to were dying horribly. She reached toward the surface, her hand now grown—like ten years had passed.

But she was still small and fragile. A wave of force from the sky overturned the lake. Still underwater, Celestia was blasted upward by the violent shock.

Flinging up and landing near the lake, Celestia coughed out the water that had filled her lungs. The muffled sounds she'd heard underwater became clear again.

"Aaaah! Save me!"

"When are the reinforcements coming?!"

"Keep sending rescue calls!"

Survivors of the terror attack, barely alive, dashed around in a panic, searching for escape. Though they looked everywhere, none paid any attention to Celestia, who stood dazed and hollow.

As if they couldn't see her at all—as if they were too busy with their own desperate problems.

'I should run.'

She knew she would die horribly if she stayed. But she couldn't make herself stand up again.

"Hurry! Get out of here!"

Someone grabbed her arm and pulled her upright. She took a few steps, following that urgent grip. But that was all.

Before they had gone far, the person helping her screamed and fell. Celestia, whose strength had already failed, did likewise.

Squish—a pool of blood had formed on the ground. Bright red blood mixed with the lake. The thickness did not change.

Celestia had no strength left to run. Hollow emptiness filled her. No matter how much it poured in, she could not be filled. She felt a desperate thirst.

But it was a thirst that could not be quenched. Her brother was already dead, and she had nothing left, nothing she desperately wanted to hold onto.

'Everyone dies if they stay with me.'

That was the reality. For Myosotis, brought low, to rise again was almost impossible. They barely survived by relying on endless sacrifices. If she hadn't tried to keep Myosotis going, people who died might have lived.

'It's too late.'

The inferno engulfed her world. This was the moment her time stopped. The fire that burned her little world still raged, wanting to consume her.

It hurt as if her heart was being cut to pieces. Wanting even just briefly to forget that pain, her gaze darted about instinctively—and she spotted a small space.

It was where, when she was little and upset, she used to hide. It was half collapsed, but, by luck, still held together.

Celestia staggered toward it. The creaking warned her it was no longer a place of safety. She didn't care. At least for her, it still meant something.

There, she separated herself from the raging inferno outside. She treated the burning world and this small cabin as entirely separate.

Celestia felt an imperfect sense of safety. At least here, she could forget what was outside. She groped for traces of the past, trying to find her lost time.

But naturally, nothing changed. It was still only pain. And as her suffering accumulated, she sank deeper, and deeper, into herself.

Celestia Myosotis. She had always adored her brother, Ian.

At first, she'd thought it was simply family affection, but as she learned more about the world, she realized it was love. And she realized it was an impossible kind of love.

Because it wasn't just love between siblings.

When she realized this, she began to cling to Ian more often.

Sometimes she would get angry for no reason. Not because she wanted more attention from him, but because she thought that if she acted like that, Ian would eventually push her away.

But that didn't last. She realized, too late, that her feelings couldn't be gotten rid of so easily. She'd been arrogant, thinking she could control her heart.

A feeling, by its nature, could not be grabbed just because she wanted to, and that was true of her love for Ian as well. The more she tried to ignore it, the more it grew—until it could no longer be hidden.

She heard nothing from outside anymore. It was silent. In that space, where not even her own breathing could be heard, Celestia felt invisible hands squeezing her throat. It was her memories of happier times, ones she replayed without end.

Celestia never hid her heart. She said, 'I love you', and Ian always answered, "I love you too."

But it wasn't the kind of love she wanted. Even if it was just once, she desperately wanted to be loved as a lover.

That desperation became obsession. She knew the looks people around her were giving her were turning strange, but once it started, she found she couldn't stop.

Celestia realized something else. The mark on the shoulder. The cheek beside her lips. The closest she could get as family, as a younger sister. Only a lover could go further. Any time she tried to cross that line, Ian unconsciously pushed her away.

Celestia's festering jealousy had no outlet. The thought that Ian's future would not include her tormented her without end.

Even if she stepped over the line, there was no way for her and Ian to be together. Their parents would never allow it, and, even if they managed somehow, it would only ruin them.

Celestia, no, I, thought: I wish all the people who watched us with suspicious eyes would just die. Then maybe Ian wouldn't care how others saw us. But that was a shallow idea.

And then, the day of ruin came. Just as I had wished, everyone died.

Is it my fault? All I did was love him. He was someone I couldn't help but love.

Unlike my parents, who were always too busy to see me, Ian was always by my side. He had things I didn't, and I envied him for that.

His shining golden hair, his clear blue eyes. I desperately looked for similarities, because then, even for a moment, I could feel like we were one.

But we're family. It wasn't longing—it was obsession.

So what? I didn't get enough love; I was entitled.

If it was just familial love, that would be true.

I was willing to wait, as long as it took, for my feelings to reach him.

Foolish blue flower, how long are you going to look away? Turning your eyes aside won't change the past. Why do you think your brother died?

Shut up.

How did you survive the fire? Who pushed you? Who pulled you out of death?

I said, shut up!

You whispered "I love you" every day, but behind that, you let your beloved brother die and survived disgracefully. You couldn't even save your own brother, and you talk about being worthy? You thought you alone could save him? That if you saved him, he'd love you back? Look at reality. There's nothing left for you. You're too late.

"......"

It was me, shutting my mouth. Curling up in fear and sorrow.

What did my brother say when he pushed me away? He said everything would go back to normal if I just slept ten nights. He tried to reassure me with words that wouldn't work on a child.

I believed him so firmly. Everything was so confusing, and he was all I could trust. After ten nights in this place, nothing had changed.

No one came. Not the brother who said he'd be right back, not the people who'd helped me before, not even the robots who obediently followed orders.

Why did I leave here back then? I can't remember anymore. The whispers are gone, but I only curl up tighter.

I can't breathe. I feel like I'm going to suffocate. My head knows I should get out of here. But my body won't move.

"Please help me... Save me..."

I repeated my prayer, not sure who I was pleading to. In my heart, I called for my brother endlessly, desperately hoping anyone would hear.

「Kill all survivors. We'll use them as an example of what happens if anyone defies us.」

「Erase the name of Myosotis.」

「They proved themselves worthless.」

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for having such bad thoughts. I'll never think like that again. I won't be jealous again. I didn't really mean it when I wished them all dead.

But my voice—my cries—were too soft, as I tried to stay hidden from whoever was outside. My struggles were too weak. It was like being back in my powerless childhood.

Brother. Please, tell me you've found me. I'll keep waiting.

I wish this was just a false reality. That none of it had ever happened would be better.

My will, weakened beyond recovery, whispered to me again.

Really, nothing ever happened. It was all my imagination. If I close and then open my eyes, I'll be lying with my head on my brother's lap, or making flower crowns by his side, never needing to leave here.

Because dreams are like that. Different from reality.

Make me believe the emptiness in my heart is just because I've slept too long.

I tried to find solace in my recollections of the past, but the more I clung to them, the more they slipped away. As if there were no refuge for me.

Living on means enduring a cascade of hardships. What kept me moving forward until now was a faint hope I might find my brother.

But even that hope shattered—there was nothing left to break, it just evaporated utterly. And then, death approached.

「Impurity detected. Summary execution.」

I stared quietly at the grasp that intended to destroy my little world and shatter me with it. When that moment came, strength left my body. Lethargy and emptiness replaced tension and fear.

I loved my brother. I loved him the wrong way. No, I still love him. That was my only fault.

I knew, in my head, that my feelings and the pureblood supremacists destroying Myosotis were unrelated. But because everything happened the moment I harbored those emotions, everything felt like my fault.

Guilt flowed through me like sludge, sticky and inescapable, binding my past and present together. And the past tormented me without end.

So I staked everything on rebuilding fallen Myosotis. I believed everything would return if I could just make that happen. Even if it was imperfect, new life kindled among the ashes.

But not a single thing returned. Not a single thing.

I'd known from the start. I'd always known. I'd just looked away.

Fine, just kill me now. I want to rest. I tried so hard to stay alive, but it just wasn't meant to be.

I didn't want any more misfortune. The little spark of hope was too weak to withstand the storms any longer. Exhausted in body and soul, I couldn't resist anymore.

Yet even so, I didn't have the courage to end it all myself. I entrusted even my fate to another. I'd always been at the mercy of others, so it made sense that my end should be no different.

Thump, thump—heavy footsteps drew closer,

and as the inferno threatened to reach even the place where I was hiding—

"Celestia!"

A familiar voice echoed in my ears. Before I could respond, the hand reaching to choke me was flung away, and a battered hand pierced the flames, reaching out to me.

For a moment I wondered if it was my brother—but it wasn't. I stared blankly at my rescuer. Seeing him, the memory block cleared. It wasn't Ian. It was Lee Hyun-woo. He had appeared before me.

"... Hyun-woo?"

"Found you."

He sighed with relief, though not a single part of him was unscathed. He looked like he'd been through one hellish battle, his armor plates torn, and most of his hastily restored gear destroyed.

Black thorns had pierced him in places, and blood was dripping from several wounds. Had he looked for me in such a state?

"It's okay now. Most of those things wandering around have been dealt with."

".... What do you mean okay? Nothing has changed."

That's not what I meant to say. But my mouth moved on its own, apart from my will. Hyun-woo crouched, meeting my eyes.

His unwavering gaze fixed on me. Behind him, I saw monsters, probably killed by Hyun-woo.

"For now, let's get out of here together."

"..."

I knew his words were right, but I still hesitated.

"I don't have the strength to go on, Hyun-woo."

"..."

"I don't have the courage to endure more disasters that haven't even happened yet."

"Still. Still, you have to go on."

"Why?"

"Because you have to be alive to find even another sliver of hope."

Hope. I didn't even have the strength left to hope. Why must I hope, when even the thing I wanted most was denied me? What more could I possibly do?

"Why do you go so far for me?"

"... I don't know. If I had to say, it's because of a promise. I promised to help you, and you promised to help me."

I couldn't bring myself to ask if a simple promise was enough for him to come in this condition. I knew I shouldn't say that.

"I'm bad at comforting people."

"I'm sorry for that."

Hyun-woo placed his hand over mine.

"Celestia, you know... It's not the case now, but when I first woke up, I didn't really want to keep living."

"..."

"Think about it. Even if the air is supposed to be clean now, the dust never really goes away, so it's always stuffy. The back alleys reek of smoke, and people couldn't be more cold-hearted. All I had for memories was my name and distant Earth—did I want to live?"

"..."

"But, strangely, I kept finding reasons to go on. Today, I'd go eat at Mr. Robert's diner. Today, I got paid, so I'd survive until tomorrow. I made up excuses like that to live. I endured, day by day."

He continued.

"Then I met Carry, and I saved Nadia. It was the first time I reached out to someone. And I realized something; I didn't want to die—I needed, more than anyone, a reason to keep living."

A desperate excuse to endure each day. His words made my shoulders shake. It was startling, because this was exactly how I'd survived too.

"..."

"Personally, I think there's no one in this world who truly wants to die."

Saying there's no reason left to live means nothing. That can change anytime. Even the smallest thing can be a reason to go on. It was like that for me.

"Even if your struggles are pitiful, even if you end up a wretched mess, even if it's unbearably painful, survive."

"..."

"Then, without fail, you'll see another path. Do you remember 'Serendipity'? Like that, luck meant for you will surely come, Celestia. So live."

I hung my head. What he was saying resembled my brother's words so much, I couldn't hide my face.

Get up. Are you going to stay there like an idiot? How long will you keep doing that? Do you want to lose everything again?

Suddenly, I remembered Ian's words from when he pushed me away. Unlike the illusion of Ian that screamed for me to die, the real Ian had shouted as if making a vow to himself.

'Wait! No matter what, I'll come get you!'

Ian hadn't come yet. If so, I just had to wait longer. When I was young, that was all I could do—I was alone, so that was the best I could do. Back then, helpless, I did nothing but wait.

Once I grew up, I figured if he wouldn't come for me, I would go find him. I searched the entire universe for Ian.

It didn't end well, but I met someone who resembled Ian. His looks and personality were a little different, but for some reason, he looked just like Ian to me.

Maybe that's why. My weakened spirit just wanted to lean on him, to treat him as a place to rest, even if just briefly. Selfishly. I couldn't resist that temptation.

As if seeing through me, Hyun-woo spoke.

"You're not as weak as you think."

"How would you know?"

"I've seen enough. How many times have we crossed the line between life and death?"

Together. That word struck me. I remembered the past. There's not much you can do alone. So be with those you trust. That's what my brother used to tell me.

My vision blurred. Tears flowed as if I would empty all the fluids from my body. The past still wouldn't let me go. No, I couldn't let go of it yet. The memories were just too vivid.

"I'm still not confident. Not by myself... So could you stay by my side and help me? I think I'd be okay, as long as it's you."

I couldn't say exactly what trust was. But I did know I could trust someone who had come for me, even in this state, to save me.

"Of course."

"... Thank you. For not giving up on me."

At my words, Hyun-woo said that if the situation ever reversed, for me to help him—he reached out his hand. I—Celestia—took Lee Hyun-woo's hand.

Celestia stepped out into a world too large for her to be a god. The crumbling cabin finally collapsed. The tiny world that had been everything to her as a child vanished, as if to say "that's no longer your world."

She emerged from despair, only to find a different kind waiting. But for some reason, it was okay. With the person before her, it felt like it would be all right.

The tenth night of the past had not yet ended. But she could feel time beginning to move again.

-------------= Clacky's Corner -------------=

Celestia, you bad bad girl.

【(˶• ֊ •˶)】