Playing For Keeps

The Smell of Regret Part 2

And then later that day when I changed my sheets and found a few coin-sized spots of blood on the bedding... a fresh wave of confusion and emotion, and finally realization had gutted me all over again. I swallow down my anger, nostrils flar- ing even now. I still can’t believe I let it get that far between us. That I took something from her that wasn’t mine to take. I feel like complete scum right now.

I know I should apologize, or call her, or do something, but it’s better if she just thinks I was too drunk to remember.

The guys around me erupt in laughter, and I re- alize Asher is still telling that goddamn story.

“She held her breath for like four minutes, dude. Swear to God!” he finishes, and the guys around us laugh. Teddy punches him in the shoulder and calls him an idiot.

Coach blows the whistle and we turn for the bench. I make a wide, lazy arc and take my time.

Part of me is relieved today’s skate is done. But the other part of me knows I won’t be able to avoid Owen any easier at home. Hopping over the wall, I grab a water bottle and I take a long drink.

When I got drafted, my life changed in an in- stant. Suddenly there were fans calling my name at every game, kids wearing my number on the back of their jerseys, and women in every city who wanted to fuck me, flashing perfect tits in my face, begging to come home with me.

Everyone wanted a piece of me. Everyone ex- cept for Owen and Elise. They were true friends. They were there before all this started. Owen and I had been playing hockey together on the frozen pond in our neighborhood since we were eight years old. Elise too.

I grin, remembering back to how we always made her play goalie because she was so horrible at it and we could score fifteen goals a game.

She was the one girl I could just be myself around. And now I’ve gone and fucked that up too. But what else could I do? I can’t exactly apologize for sticking my dick in her, and taking something that wasn’t mine to take. Because what’s done is done. And I certainly can’t confess my crime to her brother. So I’d ghosted. It’s better this way. At least

that’s what I keep telling myself. It’s not even a choice – even if I wanted to make something hap- pen with Elise, my life is a shit show. I might have a kid on the way, for fuck’s sake.

Letting her believe I was too drunk to remem- ber what happened is the safer alternative for ev- eryone involved. Because dealing with the fallout? It’s not something I can handle. Owen’s my best friend. My roommate. My teammate. And Elise is way too good for me. Nothing good could come from admitting we slept together.

“Hey, Brady, you okay?” Owen asks, stopping beside me.

I grab my towel from the bench and wipe the sweat from my face. “Just fucking great,” I lie.

Inside the locker room, I strip down out of my equipment and take a lengthy shower. The hot wa- ter feels good on my aching muscles and I’m in no rush to leave the shower stall. I don’t know how long it’s going to take for the memories of Elise in my bed to fade, but I hope for my sake they do. The feel of her hands on my chest, memories of her huge blue-gray eyes peering up at mine as our bodies moved together …

I hope to God those memories fade. And not

because I want to forget, but because I can barely look Owen in the eye without admitting the whole thing to him. Eventually, the water cools and I have to shut it off and get out. Wrapping a towel around my hips I wander back to my locker, and find most of the guys are already dressed.

“Oh I almost forgot,” Owen says, hopping up from the bench. He grabs a piece of paper from inside his gym bag and hands it to Asher, who’s standing beside him in nothing but a pair of baggy sweatpants.

I push one hand through my damp hair and shake my head, already knowing where this is heading.

“What’s this?” Asher asks, accepting the in- voice and peering down at it.

“We had our hot tub serviced. This is the clean- ing bill.” Owen drops back onto the bench, satis- fied with himself, and stuffs his feet into his shoes without bothering to untie them. “There was a thong clogging the filter,” he adds at Asher’s puz- zled expression.

Asher lets out a grunt of surprise. “Two hun- dred bucks? The girl I was with wasn’t wearing any panties. This is Teddy’s bill. Here you go, TK.

That’s all you.” He hands the paper to Teddy, who looks down at it, brows creased.

On a roll now, Owen adds, “And you might want to consider some manscaping. There were pubes stuck in the drain and they charge extra for that.”

“Manscaping? Do you even hear yourself?” Teddy asks, shaking his head. He turns from the locker and shoulders his bag..

It’s a sad reality that I’ve seen these guys naked so many times I actually know their manscaping routines. Fuck, that’s just sad.

“I’m serious, man. The chicks like it. You can’t have hairy balls if you want them to be licked. That’s just reality, bro.” Owen shakes his head, face serious.

“You guys are disgusting animals, you know that right?” I ask.

“Yup,” TK and Asher both answer at once.

Teddy crumples the paper up in his fist. “This is ridiculous. Let’s call it even for all the beer you’ve snatched from my fridge.”

Owen printed the invoice from his computer— even made the letterhead look like a legit cleaning

company, so he doesn’t put up a fight. “You guys want to go eat?” Asher asks.

“Does a bear poop in the woods?” Owen re- plies, grinning.

I finish getting dressed quickly and follow them out of the building, hoping like hell I can survive the off-season without completely losing my shit.