Every Mile a Memory

Chapter 3

I whined and stared. But, no matter how long I did either, I couldn’t come to a conclusion. The debate on what to wear to the mystery meeting was on. It wasn’t like I was at home and had my entire closet to pick from. We were leaving the next morning, and I had already worn most of my packed clothes. And then there was the fact that it was going to take place in someone’s hotel suite. Geez, that could mean anything from sweats to formalwear. It was a silly thing to stress over, but I was. I wished I would have asked Hawk, but what good would that have done? He was a guy, and guys, well… But the girls weren’t any help, either. They were partially pissed because they weren’t included and partially crazed with their celebrity connection once again.

I finally decided on my blue bandana halter maxi dress. It was casual enough in style with its loose buttons and exposed arms but long enough to say it was not beachwear. I had just finished spritzing my shoulder-length, layered golden-brown hair into beachy waves when the knock on the door came. Since Sophia and Juanita had already left for their own dinner out, it was up to me to answer it. Wringing my hands through my hair, I did one last scrunch, grabbed my wristlet and room key, and opened the door. Scanning Hawk’s black slacks and tan colored button-down, I determined I had chosen my attire appropriately.

“You look nice,” he offered.

“Thanks,” I said as I double-checked the door to make sure it had locked behind me. “I wasn’t sure. I’m not really s—”

“Anything would have been fine,” he interjected, and it made me confirm my original assessment of not asking a guy about clothing options.

I tried not to laugh outwardly as we made our way down the hall and just a flight of steps to the ground floor. While we were discussing general things like the weather and what I thought of the concert—both I answered with enthusiastic, positive, honest responses—I noted how easy it was talking with him. He didn’t say much, which I had observed during our previous two encounters, but I could tell he was legitimately listening and interested.

As we entered the other resort, I asked one of the questions that had been rolling around in my mind. “Why two different hotels?”

He understood without further explanation and pretty much revealed a trade secret. “It’s kind of a distraction tactic. We’re, actually, all scattered among three hotels. Finn is registered under his name in our hotel but uses a fake name at the one they are actually staying at, in hopes it will deter some of the crazies.”

“Like my friends?” I laughed.

“Uh…”

“Don’t choke,” I teased.

“No. Your friends are fine.” He laughed as we entered the elevator. “You haven’t seen crazy.”

We were thankfully, remarkably up to their floor before I could verbalize the major question I had—what was I doing there? Hawk braced his solid arm against the elevator doors to allow both myself and the only other two people who were on the lift to exit first. I then waited for him to direct us to the Murphy suite.

Lara greeted us at the door in a classic yet casual little black dress with a colorful wrap tied around her waist. Her long hair was pulled back in a ponytail. Good, I’m good, I thought. She would really be the one to compare myself to.

“Hi, Maya. We’re so glad you could make it.”

Unfortunately, I’d answered as nonverbally as possible. “Uh-huh.” I wasn’t nervous. I was just so confused.

As we officially entered the ginormous hotel room, Hawk asked, “Where’s the man?”

“C’mon, Hawk, you know him, never on time. He had to fit in a workout and then showered. He’s just about—”

“I’m here.” Finn entered from a side room, dressed in similar pants as Hawk but with a white polo shirt and tan belt. “Hi, Maya.”

One could tell he worked out. He had a body similar to Jeff’s—lean and fit—although Finn was taller. When I’d worn heels, Jeff and I had been the same height, but Finn and Hawk were still inches above—both a little over six feet. Finn most likely had to work out in order to keep up the energy he needed on stage where, in contrast, Jeff had worked out to release stress. Those last few months or so of my husband’s life had been like he was training for the Ironman, with all of his running, biking, and swimming.

“Hi.” I managed one actual, sort-of word that time.

“Did anyone offer you something to drink?”

“Uh—” I started, but my empty hands probably gave away the answer.

“What do you prefer?” the country music star questioned.

“It doesn’t matter. Do you have something open?” What was stocked in a bar in one of these elite rooms?

“Bourbon,” was the Kentucky native’s answer.

“Uh, no,” was mine.

Lara smiled at my response. “I have a bottle of sangria. That good?”

“Sure.” Much better.

“Hawk?” Finn turned to the broader, yet still very fit, of the two of them.

“No thanks, chief.” It was the second time I had heard Hawk call Finn by an obvious nickname. “I think I’m gonna go.”

“No. Part of this is to thank you both for the other day,” he replied.

Hawk started to protest at the same time I did but then gallantly let me speak. “I think the bottle of champagne, never mind those passes, more than covered it.”

When Finn handed Hawk a tumbler, which looked identical to his bourbon, I knew Hawk was staying. He took a swig of the brown liquid as Lara handed me a glass of wine. I brought it to my lips, readily relishing its fruity sweetness.

“Have a seat. Please,” Finn requested.

He led Lara to the table, which was just big enough for each person to have a side of their own. I ended up across from Lara and the guys across from one another. There was a near smorgasbord in front of us.

“We just ordered like every appetizer and dessert on the hotel menu. Is that all right?” Lara was already passing the plate of fried zucchini around.

I was in foodie heaven. “Did someone tell you that’s what I do? I am not an entrée fan.”

“Seriously? Me, either.” My hostess’ eyes lit up.

“Oh, my God, yeah,” I replied honestly.

“Must be a chick thing.” Hawk nodded across the table to Finn.

“Must be a smart thing.” The honest and sarcastic response came out of my mouth, causing Lara to laugh and Hawk, lips pressed shut, to raise his glass to me. “Where are the kids?” I asked, changing the subject.

I saw Lara look at Finn and smile. The natural love between them was so beautiful to see. A relationship like that was hard to come by for anyone, but especially, I was sure, in the world of celebrity.

“They’re in the other room,” Lara answered. “They already ate.”

“Oh. I was hoping to see them.” I dipped a tortilla chip into the white cheese sauce.

“Believe me, you will.” Lara’s voice was light. “One of them will make their presence known, followed almost immediately by the other. I give it maybe fifteen minutes.”

“You’re being generous.” Finn shook his head in a knowing kind of way. “I’m surprised it hasn’t happened already.”

“They are so good and so darn cute.” I flashbacked to the fort in Hawk’s room.

Finn looked at Lara, who nodded a serious-looking affirmation to her husband, and then spoke. “Maya…” He put his fork down and looked directly at me. “Listen, there’s another reason we asked you to join us tonight.” He shifted his gaze momentarily to Hawk and then back to me. “Hawk told us about your husband.” He paused.

I waited. Obviously, everyone in the room knew Finn was referring to Jeff’s death, and there wasn’t much more to say. I had learned over the year since his passing to just let there be an honorary moment or so of silence. That spoke more than the “sorrys” and “thank yous” ever could.

Recognizing my silent nod as acknowledgement, Finn continued. “Hawk also mentioned what you used to do for a living and how good you were with the kids.”

I looked at the man, my personal escort that evening, to my right. He squinted his eyes extremely quickly at me. He wasn’t much for words, but he obviously had relayed most, or all, of mine from the afternoon a couple days before.

“I’m just glad I could help,” I reiterated, for what seemed to be the hundredth time.

“It was more than help.” Lara politely contradicted my statement. “You don’t understand. Chance can feel very anxious. He’s particularly apprehensive around loud noises and when he knows things aren’t right. He was good when we got to the hotel room. He really took to you, and that is so rare.”

“Maya, listen, I’m gonna throw this out there, and there are a lot of factors, but would you be interested in coming to work for us…being a part of my team on the road this summer?”

The glass I had just started to raise to my lips went back to the table with lightning speed as I looked at Finn to make sure I had heard him correctly. “I’m sorry, what?”

What? What! Why? Doing what? Professional fan? What? Thankfully, I was given a moment to let my brain bounce around my skull. Because if Finn or anyone had begun to talk, I’m sure I wouldn’t have heard or comprehended any of it.

After that second or so, Finn continued. And although he had a friendly voice and soft eyes, I could tell he was very serious about the subject matter. “It’s kind of a dual job. We need someone to occasionally watch the kids so Hawk here or someone else isn’t pulled from their regular duties.”

My gaze followed Finn’s to Hawk. Hawk smirked at Finn first and then squinted at me in that invested, observing way. It was a little more of the left eye than the right that time. He reminded me of someone when he did that. But who? A young Clint Eastwood, I decided. He was in those old movies my grandmother used to watch. But Hawk had a tint of red to his shorter, dark hair and, while probably as tall as Clint, had a broader chest.

“It wouldn’t be a lot.” Lara made me swing my attention back to her and the what…babysitting gig? “Not even every day. Just some nights, maybe, when I want to be at the concert, or we get an occasional trip into town.”

“But mostly,” Finn piggy-backed to the dual part of the job offer. “I’m looking to hire someone to assist my publicist Reese. She wants to cut back a little and will need help with anything that is out there media-wise with my name on it and updating my social media sites. Her newest idea is to have someone, not me, do a blog a couple days a week this summer…sort of ‘a day in the life of a concert tour’ kind of deal. That’s the type of work you did for authors, right?”

I looked at Hawk once more. Yeah, he hadn’t missed a beat when we were harbored down in his hotel room and I had told him my life story. And he certainly had relayed it to the Murphys. Hawk’s response to my quizzical look was to take another drink of his bourbon.

“Yeah. It’s exactly what I did,” I answered, first looking at the man with dark hair touched with red, then to the one with lighter brown locks.

“Can you send Reese some examples of your work and references? That is, if you are interested. It would mean being on the road pretty much twenty-four-seven—from May until mid-September—living on the busses, seeing the country, writing, being with our two little ones, and maybe some decent music thrown in there.” He smiled in jest.

“Ha.” I was trying like mad to catch up to what was being said and adding a little bit of humor while I did. “I’d say a little more than decent, except for that ‘Dark and Dusty’ song. That’s too depressing.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Finn smiled in a friendly way and then turned serious again. “Of course, you would need to get all of your clearances.”

“I was a cop’s wife. It will check out.” Clearances were the least of my concerns or questions. My main one was still, what?!

“I told him that.” Hawk backed me up.

“I can get them. It’s not a problem. I just never…this might have been the very last thing I expected you to say,” I said.

“I know it’s a lot to think about. But how real and natural you are, makes me think you will be a good fit. It’s not a guarantee. I do want to see those examples and references, but…”

“Just so I don’t have to sing.” As Lara laughed, I continued. “Please let me think about it. It’s such a big…. I am overwhelmed…and honored.” I spoke with pure honesty. “I know I could do it and would love to. Can you give me a day or two?”

“Sure,” Finn answered. “I’ll give you Reese’s card and, if it’s all right, I’ll let her know to expect to hear from you.”

“Yeah.” Finally, I took that sip, and then gulp, of wine.

“And as far as salary, we can negotiate. Until then, let’s eat. I’ll get more wine.” He stood up from the table.

“So I’m guessing you do like country music?” Lara asked, touching Finn’s hand as it brushed her shoulder.

“Want to know the truth?” I asked.

“Oh, say it.” Hawk’s hazel eyes seemed to open a little more. “I couldn’t stand this hillbilly crap when I first started.”

“You’re out,” Finn joked in his friend’s direction, while refilling my wine glass. “I knew I never liked you.”

“You’re right,” I admitted to Hawk, after thanking Finn. “I didn’t like it. I was listening to pop and rock. And then I met Jeff. He was the one into country music. I started listening to it with him, and on the side, so I could impress him.”

“That is a chick thing.” Finn returned the bro nod back to Hawk.

“Shut up.” Lara shook her head at her husband.

“Love you, Beauty.” Finn spoke in a sing-song voice as he refilled Lara’s glass and kissed the top of her head.

“You, too,” she bounced back as Finn reclaimed his seat.

When they both turned to me, I decided I better continue my story. “I ended up loving it more than Jeff did.”

“Is that why you did this girls’ vacay—for the concert?” Lara was nibbling on another of the numerous appetizers.

“Well, sort of. Jeff and I…” While I wasn’t shy about anything that happened in my life, I didn’t know how much my hosts, although kind-hearted and friendly, would want to know. “We had a rough time right before he died. He was stressed getting set to make detective and I…well…” Yeah, I had said enough. “Anyway, he and I were talking about getting away someplace warm. We picked here. We were ready to book and then…he died.” I charged right on, trying to ignore the need to touch my band the way I usually did when sad conversations about Jeff occurred. “So my friends—the one, Sophia,”—I said, knowing they had all met her— “is Jeff’s sister. When they saw you were playing here, they thought it would be perfect. You know, to honor him and God, yeah, just to get away and unwind and escape.”

“Huh. We kinda needed that, too.” Finn looked at his wife, and it made me remember hearing the news coverage about Arinn being kidnapped for a few days right before Christmas.

Suddenly, it made me appreciate the job offer that much more, which I thought was already amazing. They were trusting me with their children…obviously the most precious things in their world. And, on top of that, knowing how much I knew through the press about the career side of Finn Murphy, made me understand how important the other part of the job offer was, too.

“This gig in the Keys was last-minute”—Finn was explaining— “as I’m sure you’re aware. I wanted to thank all the staff, crew, and band for supporting my family. So we came up with this retreat and then threw in a concert to thank the fans, too. Wouldn’t have been able to get through without all of them.” After hoisting his bourbon in Hawk’s direction, he reached out his hand to Lara, who softly stroked it.

Before anyone else could speak, Chance came running into the room. “Daddy, I—” Upon seeing me, he literally stopped and said with pure enthusiasm, “Maya!”

“Hi, Chance. How you doing?” It was hard not to just brighten when seeing his innocent little face.

“I good.” The four-year-old’s eyes grew round as he looked directly at me. “Are you here to build another fort with me? I have pillows!”

Finn intercepted his son’s request. “Not today, Little Man.”

“Hey, Chance, bud, what about me?” Hawk tilted his head to the side. “Or are you just all about the pretty girls now?”

Chance’s feet, adorned by the sweetest little red Converse shoes, took off in Hawk’s direction. When the elder stood up and flipped the boy upside-down, Chance’s immediate response was, “Again!”

And then, as predicted, Arinn came toddling in. “Ma-ma. Uppy.”

When Lara brought Arinn into her arms, Finn looked at his watch. I knew it wasn’t about him needing to be somewhere. I knew it also wasn’t about wanting something to be done.

“I’d call it a tie,” I said, making Finn give a slightly puzzled look in my direction. “Lara said fifteen minutes. You thought they would have been in here almost immediately. Ten minutes even for Chance. And Arinn, what? Less than a minute behind?”

“That was a little Hawk-like.” Finn laughed.

“Hey, wait…” Hawk brought Chance back to the ground, whereupon he immediately went to his dad. “Should I be offended?”

“No. She’s just observant.” Finn settled Chance onto his lap.

“Guilty as charged,” I said. “I’m a people-watcher. It’s the writer in me.”

“Well, hopefully, you’ll be able to use those skills to our advantage this summer.”

“That would be something,” I admitted.

“I know you have a lot of questions…some you probably haven’t even thought of yet,” Finn said. “Think about it, write them down, and get a hold of Reese.”

“I will,” I promised.

“Here’s to escaping to the Keys.” Finn lifted his glass, as did the other adults.

***

Hawk walked me back to the hotel. I had attempted to protest but was cut short by both men who insisted, as would have my husband, that I be safe. Besides, Hawk was going back to his room, anyway.

In reality, I didn’t mind at all. I was feeling a little light from more alcohol than food and, of course, the surprising offer. It all seemed as much of a dream as the roller coaster one. I used our stroll back to the hotel to soak in some of the crisp air and ask Hawk a few questions. They were mostly about what it was like being on tour. He said their days were extremes—hectic concert days and leisurely traveling ones. There were schedules, but each day and venue were different. I’m not sure my questions were answered completely, but I had, maybe, a little better understanding.

When we reached my door, I said, “Well, I guess I have you to thank for the offer in the first place.”

He shrugged. “I just told them what the situation was. Everything else was Finn and Lara. And I agree with them—it was just you being you. You would be a good fit. Think about it.”

I had been looking in my wristlet for my room key, but midway through his dialogue, I felt a need to stop and tilt my head up to him. He was a good four or five inches taller than me, which was the perfect height for his neck to bend down and do what I suddenly knew was coming. I hadn’t felt the pull until really that moment. Before, I had been too wrapped up in the initial danger of the gunfire, then the excitement of the concert, and, finally, the offer. But listening to some of his words and knowing he had been listening to mine, when he kissed me, I kissed him back.

Even though it was quick, it was soft and delicious. It felt good. And, yet, it felt strange.

“That wasn’t meant to influence your decision, by the way.” Hawk broke the proverbial ice.

“Uh, yeah.” I managed a breathy laugh and brought my hand immediately down to the door handle. “I guess I better go, then. Good night, Hawk.”

His eyes blinked in the slightest way. “Good night, Maya.”

I inserted the key card into the slot and watched as he walked to the stairwell. But I didn’t go inside. I removed the key and leaned up against the wall next to the door, trying to clear my mind. The whole night had thrown me, and that kiss was the icing on the top. But that was the thing—it was like icing. It was sweet. And I hadn’t reacted that way to it. In fact, I was pretty sure I’d come off dismissive.

Sophia, in pajamas, opened the door just as I was set to leave. “Maya, everything okay?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I…I’m sorry. I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going?” You could see the worry on her face. After all, it was late, we were in a strange town, and we were leaving early the next morning.

“I just forgot to tell Hawk thanks for walking me back. It will be two minutes.” It was mostly the truth, after all.

I left for the floor above us as Sophia, I’m sure puzzled, shut the door behind me. I took a hearty breath and knocked on Hawk’s door. It was a room I probably would never forget, nor what happened there on that previous scary afternoon.

“Maya?” He sounded surprised upon opening the door, but I was pretty sure he had checked the peep-hole. He was that type of guy.

“I’m sorry about…” I said, with the presumption he knew what I was referring to. “It’s just…I haven’t kissed anyone since Jeff.” A gust of air left my lungs.

“I only thought of that after I left. Sorry.”

“No. No. Don’t be,” I tried to explain. I most certainly didn’t want an apology. “I just needed to appreciate it and let it sink in for a moment. I wanted you to know that before I went into my room.”

“Okay.”

I couldn’t tell for sure, but I think there might have been the smallest of smiles. “Did you want it to influence me?” I was feeling more myself.

After a beat, he said, “Maybe.” And that time, I knew if the smile wasn’t on his lips, it was definitely in his eyes. When I smiled back, he said, “C’mon.”

“What? Where?” I asked in rapid succession.

“Maya.” He leaned in to his room to grab the key and then shut the door behind us. “It may have only been a couple days, but I’m pretty sure you know I’m the type of guy who walks a woman to the door.”

“Sometimes you even throw them in!” I jested, feeling better since the twinge of awkwardness from before had dissipated.

“Would prefer not to have to do that again.” His body shook with a silent laugh as we made our way down the stairwell.

When we returned once again to my room, I actually said what I had told Sophia I was going to. “Thanks for walking me back…twice.” I added.

“You are quite welcome,” he said. “I’m glad I got a chance to.”

And then, after the slightest of pauses, as if he was silently asking permission, he kissed me again. While it was still quick, our lip-lock was a little longer than the one just moments before. And when we broke, I could tell each of us felt a little better about the result.

“Call Reese,” he commanded kindly. Hawk squinted his eyes at me as if he were taking a picture and then strolled back to the stairwell.

When I opened the door, Sophia was standing directly in the entrance. My hand up to my mouth, I stifled a scream. It was her quiet words, though, which stung the most.

“You kissed him,” she said, and I knew it wasn’t a question. She had been looking through the door’s glass eye.

“Sophia…” I didn’t know what else to say. I didn’t really even know how I felt.

“She kissed who?” Juanita asked, pulling earbuds from her ears and rising from her bed. “You didn’t kiss Finn Murphy, did you?” she practically screamed.

“No!” I retorted, stepping past Sophia but watching her hurt eyes as I did. “He’s married—very happily, mind you.”

“Who did you kiss?”

I looked at Sophia. “Do you want me to say ‘I’m sorry’?” When she didn’t reply, I tried again. “Sophia…” I think Juanita then understood how me finally feeling something again had ramifications on my sister-in-law. As Juanita sat back on her bed, I said to Sophia, “Please don’t make me feel bad about this. It was just a kiss goodnight, and I might never see him again. God, Sophia, you know I loved Jeff. But he’s gone. I can’t… I can’t…”

And then I bawled. I should have been so happy, but I couldn’t be. The night was so mixed up emotionally.

Juanita got up and gave me a hug until my sobbing slowed. I was crying for Jeff, for Sophia, and probably, finally, from hearing those gunshots in the hall a few days before. It was a good release.

When my tears finally stopped, Juanita looked at Sophia and then, obviously not giving a hang, said, “It was the one with just the right amount of facial hair, huh? Mr. Protector?”

“It’s not a big deal,” I tried, even though in my head, any first kiss after my husband’s was going to be. “Wait until you hear what the night was really about.” I made my voice appear perky again and looked at Sophia.

“Go ahead,” she said, “I want to hear. Tell us about it.”

“Good.” I breathed out. “Because, God, girls, do I need some advice.”